My DH did the same a few years ago with an ex girlfriend from his late teens/early twenties. He did actually tell me she had reconnected with him via Facebook. I did warn him that it may not be a good idea, but I have very old friends on Facebook that I’ve reconnected with both male and female, although none were previous relationships, so it would have been unfair to veto it.
All this happened during the first lockdown, I noticed his change in behaviour and attitude towards me, so I followed my instinct. It was a blossoming emotional affair but I have no doubt that if we hadn’t been in lockdown they would have met up.
The overwhelming feeling of panic and sadness was so difficult to deal with. I was in a constant state of panic, there is a real sense of loss of trust that naturally takes years to build up in a relationship.
It will take you a couple of years to work through it and I don’t think you ever really trust as completely. We also had the problem of the OW becoming a bit of a stalker. She was visiting, and still does, the pubs we use. We live in a village with 3 pubs, everyone knows everyone or is related so whenever she asked after him in the pubs it would get back to us. She has never lived locally but had childhood connection which is how DH met her.
DH was very quick to accept that his behaviour had seriously damaged the trust between us. I understood that the reconnection had triggered feelings. I was not going to play the pick me dance, I am a high earner and DH knows that I could have walked ( with our teenage DH) there and then, so we talked, and talked and talked. DH accepted that every few days I would wobble and need to talk. Over time these talks became less frequent and our normal relationship gradually returned.
We are now in a very different situation, I was diagnosed with breast cancer 12 months after all this happened, DH was a total rock and I couldn’t have gone through it without him. The 2 mnths after I completed treatment DH had a stroke. The whole dynamic between us has changed. He is a different personality, in some respects he is less argumentative, but I fell in love and have lived with the old version for over 30yrs. The new version is different, unfamiliar and his resulting disabilities mean that the life we had planned when we retired recently is not possible.
I am now going through a period of acceptance, but a very tiny little bit of me wishes that I had walked away when I had the opportunity. I wouldn’t admit this in real life but whenever I go out I end up surrounded by couples, our age , doing all the things we had planned.