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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Fiancé Frustrations...Need advice

61 replies

Aal2225 · 21/08/2024 19:56

Hello ladies! Just venting and would love some input as I feel that sometimes being in a situation you can feel stuck or not see the full picture. Anyways I work full time as a property manager and have my son full time from my first marriage. My fiance used to build custom kitchens and quit that last year wanting to do art full time. He stays home all day except for his morning work out and paints and does his art. He has not really sold anything all year. I pay every single bill that we have. He does pick up y son from school or after school care but thats it and cleans occasionally. I work, clean, cook and pay every single bill. I dont see him having any urgency in helping with bills. I feel exhausted and idk if I can do it anymore. I feel like I need a partner that cares.

OP posts:
Unexpectedlysinglemum · 22/08/2024 10:30

His two options are

  • be a proper 'house wife' boyfriend and do most of the cooking cleaning laundry ironing, have a hot meal on the table for you each night, and do his art in the evenings like all other workers do their hobbies as that's all this is (you have given him a chance to see if he can make money - he can't).
  • move out and pay his own way.

I would only financially support someone if they were practically supporting me.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 22/08/2024 10:30

DONT MARRY HIM

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 22/08/2024 10:31

Aal2225 · 22/08/2024 01:07

Thank you it helps to hear from others that what he is wanting to do is not reasonable

Yes. He will try on the 'if you loved me you'd support me' crap. If he loved you he'd financially or practically support you not just use you.

CowTown · 22/08/2024 11:11

But why would he change? He has the perfect setup…2 hours of “me time” in the morning, paint for a few hours, collect a kid from school, and have the majority of his cleaning done and all of his bills paid by his girlfriend. He’s got it made!

Hadalifeonce · 22/08/2024 11:18

OP, please think about your life in 5 years time. If you don't get rid of him, he will have bled you dry. You will have no money, building resentment with a parasite living with you.

Thiswayforward · 22/08/2024 11:19

He needs to work part time. Even if it’s an evening job etc. I don’t think he can just give up work and rely on you. If he is at home full time he needs to be the house husband as such. Cooking, cleaning, washing. All needs to fall to him.

Beamur · 22/08/2024 11:24

He's sponging off you.
Hard conversation ahead.
Tell him straight. You've supported his aspirations but he needs to get at least a part time job and pay his share of bills or he has to move out.

Beamur · 22/08/2024 11:27

Fwiw I know several people who are either full of part time artists. They don't just sit and paint all day.
They work hard promoting their work, liaising with galleries and shops to sell their work, they diversify and they teach or work other jobs to pay their bills.

BettyBardMacDonald · 22/08/2024 11:42

Aquamarine1029 · 21/08/2024 20:52

Op, what the fuck are you doing? Come on now. This man saw you coming a mile away, and what an absolutely shit example you are setting for your son. Tell him right now to gather what he needs and to leave, today. He can get the rest of his stuff later. This is insane.

This.

Bin this useless parasite.

Don't even think of marrying him!

BettyBardMacDonald · 22/08/2024 11:44

BodenCardiganNot · 22/08/2024 10:07

Your poor son. What a shit show of a life he is living.

Yeah.

Prioritize your child, OP.

Lavenderblossoms · 22/08/2024 12:18

No just no.

If he wants to paint, he gets a job first, does painting on the side and opens an etsy shop. But he needs a job whilst he is not bringing anything in. Bona-fide cock lodger. Do not get married to this man.

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