Fiancé Frustrations...Need advice

[Aal2225]

Hello ladies! Just venting and would love some input as I feel that sometimes being in a situation you can feel stuck or not see the full picture. Anyways I work full time as a property manager and have my son full time from my first marriage. My fiance used to build custom kitchens and quit that last year wanting to do art full time. He stays home all day except for his morning work out and paints and does his art. He has not really sold anything all year. I pay every single bill that we have. He does pick up y son from school or after school care but thats it and cleans occasionally. I work, clean, cook and pay every single bill. I dont see him having any urgency in helping with bills. I feel exhausted and idk if I can do it anymore. I feel like I need a partner that cares.

🚨 Cocklodger alert 🚨
🚨 Cocklodger alert 🚨

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

Cocklodger either gets evicted or gets a job and pays his way.

Op, what the fuck are you doing? Come on now. This man saw you coming a mile away, and what an absolutely shit example you are setting for your son. Tell him right now to gather what he needs and to leave, today. He can get the rest of his stuff later. This is insane.

@Aal2225, he’s a freeloader who is using and abusing you and your child. You already fully support him, and now he pressuring you to buy the new car stickers?? Unbelievable.

Use your agency and gumption and kick him off the gravy train immediately.

He's living off for you free. Kick him out it'll be cheaper for you with him gone.

Just get rid of him. He is dragging you down.

Errrrr, no! Just don't carry on with him.

Big fat no to this.. OP I fell trap to the same thing with my partner wanting to start a business. But it forever evolved, had to be perfect, never started properly and he didn't earn money for 10 years. He became abusive verbally and emotionally (not saying this would happen to you) so I got stuck. Sounds ridiculous I know. I'm now leaving and deeply regret not taking action sooner in the hope it would change. My partner believed he was destined to be someone special/did something amazing and I tried to respect that. All to my own detriment. He refused to get a normal job and the longer it went on the harder and less likely it was to happen. And then he blamed me for not helping him enough.

Sorry not derailing just trying to give you stark warning!! What worries me is the lack of care/concern/goals/interest or even acknowledge of the situation. Does he just feel entitled?!

Yes I think he feels very entitled

Thank your lucky stars he couldn't be bothered to get married! Stop skivvying for him and kick his sorry ass to the curb OP.

You’re a mug. Simple as that.

OP, dump the cocklodger today.

Stop asking him to set a date for the wedding and be glad you’re not tied to this leech. Do you really want the rest of your life to be like this, with him spending your money and not caring that you are exhausted by carrying all the financial burden? He needs to shape up or ship out.

Thank you it helps to hear from others that what he is wanting to do is not reasonable

The question is what does he truly contribute on balance to everything you're having to take on? Sounds like really not a lot at all. But it's the attitude about it... have you tried discussing it with him?

He needs to either find a paying job alongside his art, or leave. Or as an absolute minimum he should be doing all the cooking and cleaning.

He is not really a fiance, is he? That was just a ploy to keep you on his hook. To be honest he is just grifting off you.
As you are not married you can just TELL him to leave, not ASK.
Don't be trapped by the 'sunk costs fallacy '. However much you try to get him to pull his weight nothing will really change and you will find yourself in the same -or worse - financial circumstances in 5, 10 years' time.
Please save yourself, and your child, from being exploited any further. Good luck!

You need The Big Discussion.

Tell him that things have got to change. As his artwork isn’t paying the bills, and you’ve subsidised him all these months, then he’s got to get a job. You’re not subsidising him any longer. No doubt he’ll throw a hissy fit, citing that ‘the big win’ is just around the corner.

Alternatively, throw him out.

It’s good you’ve supported his decision to become an artist, but you need to explain that, in the real world, it’s not paying. He hasn’t contributed to bills, not got any commissions etc, so it’s time to admit defeat, and move on. Don’t invest any more time and money into it.

Think of your poor child.
You have brought an absolute loser into his life and you want to make things worse by marrying him.
Think of your child.
Get rid of this user loser.

Ok so he’s had a year to fuck about and be an artist, it’s not working he now needs to go and get a proper job and act like an adult, being unemployed doesn’t pay the bills.

Your poor son. What a shit show of a life he is living.

Is his art any good? Can you see it bringing in a decent income in the future?

It doesn’t sound be like dp has any made any plans to develop a business though, and is playing at it. He’s probably ‘waiting’ for his big break, without realising opportunity won’t find him, he has to seek it out (exhibit at art fairs, contact galleries to sell his work etc).

I know someone who picked up some paints during covid, having never painted before, and found she was quite good. Doing pet portraits for friends led to a business, and now she has a card business. .

I also know someone else who tried to make it as an artist, and her pictures were quite good, but gave up as there was no money in it.

For goodness sake OP, open your eyes. He's a cocklodger plain and simple and you're being taken for a mug. Just Be grateful that you haven't married him! Kick him out now and don't look back.

What the fuck?

Get him OUT!

Yup. He can paint in the evening after working at a job in the day. It’s not difficult. If he won’t, he goes. Simple.