Anyone ever regretted partner getting the snip?

[9876v]

:Together for 4 years, I'm 33, DP 8 years older, we are engaged. Blended family - I've a DC8 from unplanned pregnancy in my twenties, father isn't involved at all, so have him 100% of the time. Two slightly older DSC have 50% of time my DP shares custody with ex. All the kids get on pretty well, love my DSC, they are pretty amazing kids. I have a career that I love and various hobbies I enjoy.

To cut a long story short, don't get on well with hormonal contraception so use copper coil, but it affects my periods badly. DP said he would get a vasectomy.

I don't feel like I want more kids, I feel it would upset the dynamic of our blended family and complicate things. Part of me feels like it would be unfair on my child who has never had his father in his life if I have another child who does. I don't know if I want to go through child rearing all over again in my 30s. I want to be able to travel in my early 40s by which time all the kids will be adults. My career is pretty demanding and I want to be able to focus on that and use the time I do have for my child and blended family. DP doesn't want more kids, but might agree if I did and pushed him into it....but I wouldn't want to do that.

BUT....will we suddenly change our minds in a couple of years? Has anyone's partner got the snip and then one or both of you regretted it?

I've not personally had the snip, but a lot of my friends have and no one has had any regrets. They all moan about the actual procedure, but being able to have sex without risk of pregnancy is great. They each had it in their 40s and put a lot of thought into the decision. Basically, there comes a point in a mans life when the thought of never having another kid again is a relief.

Yes, I really feel sad that I didn't get to have another baby. I had an awful pregnancy and a bit of a traumatic birth and I think I was not ready to agree to this decision. Husband only wanted 1 child so was desperate to get it done. I'm still sad about it but he doesn't get that.

I'd say don't make the decision if you are dealing with difficult things...

I’d say if you’re basically happy with the number of children you’ve got, you won’t regret it.

DH had the snip mid-thirties (our DC were about 7 and 4) and we never once regretted it. We knew we were done with two but held off for a while thinking we’re still young, what if something happens to one of us and the other remarries and wants children with new husband/wife. Eventually though we thought we were happy to be out of the baby/toddler phase, couldn’t imagine ever wanting to go back to it and went for the permanent solution. It’s great! 20 years on and not a single regret. Before he’d had it done I’d been paranoid about getting pregnant again so we were being super careful…afterwards - worry-free!

Obviously some people live to regret it but I don’t personally know any….not having to worry about contraception ever again is brillliant. Like you I didn’t get on with hormonal contraception very well and the alternatives weren’t great either so snip was by far the best option for us.

I got together with my partner when I was 46. He had it done in his 30s and told me on our second date. Why on earth he thought there was a possibility of me wanting a baby at that age I have no idea! But I appreciated it.

He has never regretted it. I feel no regret that I couldn't have a child with him because I knew I was done.

It sounds like you (both) know you're done too but that drawing a line under it permanently feels like a big step.

My husband had it done mid 30’s. We have 3 children. He is 41 now and we don’t regret it. We knew we were done.

My husband had it when he was 50 and I was 40 - a year after our second child was born.

Neither of us have any regrets. I regret a little that we didn't have a third but the snip was not the reason we didn't (we had already agreed not to).

My partner is about to have one at age 42. I am 40 and our youngest is 6. We are so very done with babies!

@Painauraison Yes my pregnancy and birth and early years alone with little support were super hard! I went through a phase a few years ago when me and my partner became serious of wanting a baby and a positive experience...but feel that this phase has passed now we are all a little older. But may change mind again?

On the other hand, might be nice to draw that chapter of our lives to a close and not worry about contraception

DP just pointed out I'm on day 13 of my period :p

If not sure don’t do it ! It’s hard to reverse (and expensive)

I had tubal ligation and regretted that so had it reversed and that was an ordeal ! Although I think male reversal is a lot easier !

No. We are both so glad he has had it done. 3 is well enough for us.

Omg that sounds horrendous! Are your periods usually that long? I am lucky and mine are only 3 days.

I can see why a vasectomy is a great idea. Your family set up sounds perfect, unlike so many other step families in here, I agree with you, it would be a shame to upset the balance.

DH was 35 and I was 31 when he got the snip. DC were 3 and 1. Neither of us have ever regretted it and we didn't have to worry about contraception or unplanned pregnancy for the next 20 years.

I occasionally think I’d have liked a third, but the reality is that unlike sleeping all night, don’t want to change nappies again, and it’s so much better when the kids can talk to you… So my ‚regrets‘ are idle thoughts not founded in reality. And DH definitely has no interest in having another.

Male vasectomy should be usually definitive, so make your choice carefully. Sometimes it can be reversed early days (and sometimes it’ll self reverse) but as time passes it’s more and more permanent. There’s an idea going round on TikTok at present that young men can just get snipped for now and reverse it a decade or so later, which is simply not true.

@9876v Please read about Post Vasectomy Pain Syndrome with your OH before going ahead https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Post-vasectomypainsyndrome. It's not well know at all and while it's relatively rare (a meta analysis found 5% incidence), it can be debilitating, for this reason I would never want my OH to take the risk of a vasectomy. I have never taken regular hormonal contraception we have just used condoms for almost 19 years now.

Personally I think one of the greatest rewards of having your kids in your 20s, is the freedom you get in your 40s, and your 30s to a lesser degree.

You sound very happy as you are. I wouldn’t change it.

Its their choice if they want it.
I think more men should consider it.

My sister add 2 before she was 20 and it worked out wonders shes now 38 and both kids moved out.
Shes living life to the full great career no responsibility care free and some of her friends are way in their 40s with grown up kids having more babies mind boggling as to why one would start again.
Then moan down the line of how hard it is and having no time for them selfs.

My husband has it done after our second child was born. We decided two was all we wanted. Later when I was late 30s I was broody and wished we could have another, but now early 40s and I'm over it. Glad we didn't have a 3rd. It's a great dynamic with our two and we're at a great stage with both being less needy. Glad we don't have a toddler to worry about too and the stress that comes with it.

My DH (52) had it done several years ago and hasn’t regretted it. We had two children and were definitely done. It’s been a relief not to worry about contraception anymore and it’ll probably boost your sex life. 😉

We know lots of men who’ve had it done, it’s really common in our friend group.

DH had it a fee years ago.
We have 2 kids and didn't want more.
It's great! No regrets. Especially from him! He was in and out sane day. No complications.

We are late 40's now. Think I'd have waited until our 40's though maybe. Just to be sure.

OP I had an endometrial ablation due to excessive bleeding caused by the copper coil, so that put paid to any further children (not that I wanted another).

@Avek

wow! didn't the bleeding die down after you removed the coil if you don't mind me asking?

I think a vasectomy is a terrible idea. What if your children die in a house fire or a car crash? These things really do happen. Life doesn’t stay perfect for everyone.