Touch and Touch

[chocolatelips]

Sorry long message .
We have a couple who we hang out with alot. My husband has known the man since childhood and they work together.His girlfriend came in the picture in last 2 years .
My husband and I are married.
When I met this couple , I noticed that my husband was very touchy with this lady.
We always hug when we meet but her hugs from my husband are long and he sometimes keeps her locked in his arms and speaks to her face while he is holding her.
I have never questioned this.
This lady and my husband chit chat frequently on social media and on her phone.

The lady recently had her mom unwell needing surgery.
My husband purposefully told me to ensure I messaged her to pass my best wishes.We also went to see her- My husband wrote a card from us that he didnt show to me, picked a bottle of wine and chocolate and we set off to see the lady and her boyfriend.I asked him why he didnt address the card to the couple rather than just the lady and his answer was that , it was the lady going through a difficult time, not her boyfriend (please note they are a couple)

While at their place, we caught up with conversations,at some point the lady was sat next to my husband, they were talking in low tones and the next thing I saw was my husband had stroking the top of her head twice.

Should I be concerned?

If they are just friends then why doesn't he strike the blokes hair or touch the man's thigh seeing as he's been friends with him for decades?!

Of course it's not right.

I had an ex who was 'over friendly' with women and he really hurt me with his behaviour. I could not put myself through a relationship like that again. Consider what you want your future to look like, OP.

Exactly OP, he's sounds like an odious letch.
The type that makes decent women cringe and feel embarrassed for the poor fool he is married to.
You clearly have made a huge mistake marrying him.
God knows what you could pick up from him.
Protect yourself OP, you can undo this.
Don't waste your life with such an embarrassment of a partner.
You really deserve SO much better.

Wish me luck tomorrow.As I said we are going to this party with the couple in question.
Praying and hoping that no threesome happens.
I am quite anxious , scared and worried about what he will do-not that I will be keeping an eye on him like a hawk but just scared of what may happen.He has just said to me " I hope I don't get drunk"
Crossing my fingers.We shall see🙁

You shouldn't have to 'cross your fingers' OP. Please consider what life would be like without this stress and worry, and none of it of your making.

@chocolatelips, kudos for speaking up and good luck this weekend.

Did you assert your boundaries regarding his touchy-feeliness with women in general, or did you lay down the law about his inappropriate behavior with this one particular woman? There’s no way he is oblivious about any of it.

His lascivious party behavior is sickening and I wouldn’t be with such a lechy goat. However, his consistent, intimately tactile gestures and other overtly affectionate behavior toward this OW is the most disturbing transgression. They are basking in their cozy, intimate bubble, both in your presence and out of sight via their messaging and calls. I’m wondering if they’re also meeting up 1 to 1.

He has triangulated you and OW, and has made her the 3rd person in your marriage. This is all down to his greedy selfishness and entitlement.

Did you have no say in her coordinating the music for your wedding celebration?

@chocolatelips, his massive disrespect would have killed off my trust and attraction. In your shoes, I would call off the wedding party and move forward with a separation.

OP it sounds like he’s hiding this in plain sight to be honest

So we went to the party yesterday.
My husband tried to behave himself with this other couple but one could obviously see his fascination of the woman.

She can be very explicit, yesterday she wore a dress and had her legs all sprawled out that my husband while sat next to be could not keep his eyes off her.

When she was sat next to me, he would be looking at her then touch me almost like he wants to place his hands on her but because I am there he would lay his hand on me instead.

Sometimes I think that if I died and something happened to the ladies' boyfriend, they would certainly get together.

Imagine living knowing who your husbands immediate catch would be if you died.

My family is also coming for our wedding celebration.My husband feels stressed about them being here as they want to visit Brussels the city centre while we live in Dinant.It means driving them to Brussels which we can sacrifice to do because I am not sure when they will visit again.
He said to me " Can they come fewer of them next time?" Can we not go to Brussels because it's difficult?

He can't win. You are never going to stop obsessing over other women if he looks at anyone even if he's touching you.

Your comments on how this other woman dresses are inappropriate too. You don't get to dictate another woman's autonomy.

Get a divorce.

I’m sorry, @chocolatelips, but I wouldn’t be celebrating being married to a man who only has eyes for another woman and blatantly lusts after her in public while sitting next to you. Everyone there could see him drooling over her.

He is also being very disrespectful about your family.

Why on earth are you diminishing yourself by staying with this pig?

It's also not easy to watch him being so open and touchy when he has already managed to pick up an STD before I met him.

How many more red flags can this man wave at you???

I’m so sorry. He sounds like a creep. One day he’s going to touch someone who doesn’t want his hands on her body, and he’s going to get in trouble.
it’s disrespectful to you, and it’s disrespectful to the woman he is pawing.
:( I’m so sorry, OP, I would not be able to put up with this

Well he's told you and shown you how far he's prepared to go and you are, ofc, not comfortable with that. They are both being very disrespectful to you but he's married to you, she isn't. I would not trust him to stop if you gave him an ultimatum: he would carry on behind your back I'm sure. It is up to you to decide whether you are going to tolerate this or bin him off

Honestly, when you suspect your new husband is up to for a threesome which his best friend and the best friend's girlfriend, I think your marriage is over. I mean no disrespect to people who are into threesomes but its definitely not my thing and it certainly doesn't sound like your thing either even if you were invited. I don't understand why the friend is not speaking out about your husband pawing his girlfriend and I don't see why she's behaving this way with your husband - in front of you! I mean if one of my friend's husbands touched me on the thigh, I'd be backing away as fast as I could and my husband would have something to say about it.

I'd get shot of the whole lot of them because they all sound as bad as each other. The whole thing is just sleazy and disrespectful to you and to whoever else has to watch this kind of carry on. I know somebody whose husband was like this and people just felt sorry for her. A friend said, "She's no nice and she is lumbered with somebody like that". She has children and you don't so get out now. Would you really want this grubby chap to be the father of your children?

You are starting to sound extremely depressed OP. Do you have friends you can talk to?

I think the long term problem here, OP, is that it wouldn't matter what he said or did now, you're always going to view him through this lens. The fact you observed/noted/analysed his every interaction with this woman at the wedding shows that.

He's broken the relationship. And he's broken your trust. There is no coming back from that.

I do hope you have somebody you can talk to - family or friends. Yes, people may be a bit shocked initially that the marriage has ended but you don't have to justify yourself to anybody. I lived through something once where I expected there to be a lot of gossip, and there probably was, but eveybody I interacted with at the time was very kind and decent. There are more nice people than not. Remember it's him, not you, who has the problem and issues.