Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I think I'm overthinking......

43 replies

ohmygoshisitabat · 18/08/2024 18:59

DH and I have a couple who are our friends who we've known for 16yrs since our eldest kids were babies. We all get along well. However over the past few years my friend has made me feel a bit uncomfortable. If it's just the two of us without our hubby's she will always compliment what a nice guy my is. Great! Thank you. When she sees my hubby she will give him a big hug (not an issue) but will always say "hey gorgeous" or "hey sexy" or "hey handsome". This makes me feel uncomfortable. We hadn't met up for a while and when she saw him she ran up to him, jumped and wrapped her legs round his waist. I was horrified. I think she was probably joking but it really bothers me. She's slim and I'm a larger lady. I've spoken to my DH about it and told him, he genuinely does nothing to encourage her and has been understanding and agrees he took would feel uncomfortable if it were me speaking to her DH like that. Should I just take a deep breath and get over myself?

OP posts:
BirthdayRainbow · 18/08/2024 19:00

No, absolutely not. She's over stepping and it sounds like he's lapping it up. Both are embarrassing and pathetic. In plain sight...

ShouldIEvenBother · 18/08/2024 19:05

How grotesque. I would not be happy at all either, OP. It's all just so... cringe, isn't it!?

I think you have every right to tell her to knock it off tbh. And if she continues, then maybe it's time to severely reduce contact...

Imtryingnottoworry · 18/08/2024 19:16

I think I would be distancing myself from the friendship.

Coz97 · 18/08/2024 19:29

Yeah if any friend of mine was doing that.. well they wouldn't be my friend anymore. Completely inappropriate. Tbh your partner should also be having a word with her

BirthdayRainbow · 18/08/2024 19:35

Why do you think you are over thinking? Do you really or was it just a title to reel us in or is it because you are hoping you are?

chocolatelips · 18/08/2024 20:04

This obviously sounds concerning. I dont believe in pet names for friends not even when people are joking.There comes an age where we become adults and stop fooling around like teenagers.

She has no place doing all the stuff you have mentioned.
Can you distance you and your family from her.
Also if you have spoken to your husband, he should be husband enough to make you feel comfortable.

A woman wrapping her legs around him should prompt him to tell her not to do it again.If he doesnt seem pro-active for you,he may as well be partisan to her advances.

BCBird · 18/08/2024 20:07

Totally inappropriate. Wrapping legs around him. What is wrong with her? What does her hubby think? It needs to stop

Northernlights100 · 18/08/2024 20:08

She is totally overstepping the mark.

elderqueen · 18/08/2024 21:48

I just been through the same a young girl brazenly, shamlessly and in your face over stepping the mark many times with my long term partner, now hew finished with me and is with her! Ive cried for 6 weeks.

Girlmum2203 · 24/08/2024 12:11

elderqueen · 18/08/2024 21:48

I just been through the same a young girl brazenly, shamlessly and in your face over stepping the mark many times with my long term partner, now hew finished with me and is with her! Ive cried for 6 weeks.

Edited

Oh I'm sorry, hope you find some happiness and comfort soon.

Op I don't think you're overthinking, if my " friend" did that to my DH I'd be having words with them both. Him for allowing it and her for doing it in the first place..

MyTwinklyPanda · 24/08/2024 13:11

I don't think you are, you have a right to be annoyed. What grown woman does this?! its very sad of her to behave like a little girl that's seeing her daddy for the first time in a few days!! Personally I think miss tippy toes needs to rein it in. She sounds needy and desperate.

When she does it again quietly ask her if everything is OK with her marriage, if she says yes ask if she has daddy issues and tell her she makes her husband feel uncomfortable and that she's being disrespectful to you.

The other alternative is your husband sidestepping her the next time she launches herself at him. The injuries she sustains should make her see sense.

1mabon · 24/08/2024 13:12

Her behaviour is unacceptable. You really need to have a word with her but accept that the friendship might be over, however your marriage is more important than her "friendship". Also what about your husband and hers? You are certainly not over thinking. I would not put up with her.

MrTiddlesTheCat · 24/08/2024 13:17

How did your husband react to her wrapping her legs around him?

TinyFlamingo · 24/08/2024 13:24

This is just me, I think the two things are different, some people like to connect and just use general pleasantries instead of names to make it more familiar and less formal especially when being long time friends.

Would "hey fella, hey lovely, hey sweetie" also give you the ick or just the "handsome", "gorgeous", "sexy" etc as they are more about his appearance?

I am the nickname giver in my friendship group. My best mate who is also a guy is "hey dude" and he calls me exactly the same!
I think that in isolation is harmless and I'd say, try and ignore, it's a habbit imo.

But the greeting is super cringe.

I'd have said "oh we mount each others partners now. Cool." With a fake vom in the moment.

But if you don't want to talk to her about it, you could just say next time you make plans just gently put in a boundary. "I'm not sure you realised at the time, but the way you greeted hubs last time by mounting him, made us both super uncomfortable, so if you can avoid that this time we'd really appreciate it!"

I mean, if generally it's all really upsetting you, I'm sure a good friend would feel awful if she knew, so if you do decide to talk about it, be brave and address it. You've been friends a long time I'm sure she isn't even aware.

I'm sure whatever you decide it'll be ok.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 24/08/2024 13:38

Not overthinking.
Tell her this very calmly clearly. eg "Did you realise how over the top it is to jump up on my husband and wrap your legs around him? Don't do it again."

The rest depends on her reaction to that.

invisiblecat · 24/08/2024 13:53

She is doing the equivalent of cocking her leg and marking him as her territory. In public and in front of you.

You are not overthinking.

ChristmasOrange · 24/08/2024 13:58

What in the actual fuckery is this!

Beth216 · 24/08/2024 14:06

If she does that sort of thing again could you raise your eyebrows and say 'alright, calm down, calm down' to make it clear she's being completely OTT and odd?

MtClair · 24/08/2024 14:34

Yep she is way overstepping.

But the best way to solve this issue is for your dh to remove the arms around him himself and tell her to stop.

GladLemonFish · 24/08/2024 14:36

Well, of course you are not overthinking but also does your husband not have a mouth?

MtClair · 24/08/2024 14:36

And btw, I understand that your dh is on board. But why has he not reacted to her comments and ‘hugs’?
Does he feel comfortable about it? Would he allow it if you weren’t there because actually it’s nice for his ego?

I mean I get why you aren’t feeling comfortable about it. But I’m wondering why he isn’t feeling uncomfortable and lets her doing that to him

GladLemonFish · 24/08/2024 14:38

he genuinely does nothing to encourage her

He genuinely does nothing to disencourage her either.

ATailAsOldAsTime · 24/08/2024 14:52

She's not your friend, she's embarrassing you & your husband should be putting her in her place or you should be.. why are you even going around her? She's literally allover your husband right Infront of you! The disrespect is unreal

GladLemonFish · 24/08/2024 15:02

When she says Hi sexy, he could just say

”I’d prefer it if only my wife calls me that. I think she prefers that too, right @ohmygoshisitabat?”

Olika · 24/08/2024 15:05

I would be concerned if my DH didn't react and hadn't already told her to stop. What's his excuse for not having already told her to stop?

Swipe left for the next trending thread