It's a social media one...

[ASocialMediaOne]

Bit of background.

I'm not a massive user of SM. I have FB but only post occasionally. I have around 150 friends all of whom are people I actually know/have known, through friendship, work, hobbies/interests parents of my children's old school friends etc. No one I've never met in real life, and I never make public posts.

My partner has around 500 'friends'. These are similarly made up of colleagues, ex colleagues, friends, people he knows through hobbies/interests etc but a significant number are also friends (m&f) of his ex wife, friends of his ex girlfriend. Some of them were mutual friends but many were not but people he just ended up having on FB, ex girlfriends of his friends and random people he's met on a night out he's never seen again.

Most of these people he hasn't seen since he divorced 12 years ago or since he split up with his previous girlfriend 5 years ago. Some he has only met once and never seen again.

He often says he ought to go through and cull a lot of them because he never sees them and, in some cases, never really liked them (some of his ex wife's friends) but they sent a friend request and it felt rude not to accept at the time.

I don't care who he has on there as friends but I don't really like the feeling that, if he shares photos of me and him or I tag him in a post with my children and me, everyone he's ever known will see it, see photos of me, see photos of my children (adults not actual children) even if he doesn't really know them anymore and even if he didn't ever really like or even know them.

So I've asked him not to put photos of me on there and, if I do it, I remove 'friends of friends' from who can view it. I don't mind so much general posts because I'm just incidental in that but photos, I'm really not comfortable with.

Does anyone else feel uncomfortable that people they don't know and have never met and will never meet seeing then on someone else's SM feed? I don't mind of his actual friends, and colleagues see me whether I know them or not.

Am I being a bit ridiculous? I know some people will say it doesn't matter and it's not real life and if its on the internet its never really private anyway but thats not the point.

He would like to share photos that include me.

I have 15 people on my Facebook and I still.dont share photos of my kids on there so I would hate that!

I dont see an issue at all.

So what if John Smith, who doesn't know you, sees a picture of you & your kids. He'd see you if you passed him in the street.

It's a photo thats all. I doubt whether most of these "500" people give a hoot what's on your boyfriends facebook page.

No. I've already been clear that they are a mix of friends, people I've met through work (past and present colleagues), people I've known since university (but only people I was actually friends with at uni) because SM didn't exist back then! 😄, people I've met through hobbies, parents of my children's school friends - eg whilst we no longer see each other, we still keep in touch with our children's lives, successes, exam results etc.

So all people I've known, been close to, worked closely with, studied closely with, socialised with, had conversations with, and/or shared aspects of my life with.

There's nobody on my SM that I don't know or don't like. Nobody that I wouldn't be happy to see and have a quick chat with if I bumped into them in the street.

Whereas he said that, when he first got FB, he would accept random requests from anyone, or people he met on a night out and never saw again, friends of his ex wife's who he didn't like but who sent him a friend request. Eg his friend went on half a dozen dates with a woman 2 years ago. He introduced her to his friends, she sent them all a friend request, they all accepted, friend broke up with her, never seen her again, still friends on FB. People like that.

I don't care about actual friends/colleagues of his whether I've met/know them or not. It's just all the random people.

Of course not. I'm going.on what he's told me. Unless he's mentioned them specifically by name, I wouldn't know which category individual people fall into.

Obviously, I see who has liked posts he's shared and tagged me in but I've never asked who the people are. Sometimes I know and sometimes I don't.

It's not actually about who he has as friends or how he knows them so that part's irrelevant.

I didn't say I kept in touch with them all. I said they are all people I know/have known. Whereas a significant number of his are people he wouldn't recognise if he passed them in the street because he has never known them.

No, I'd have said of that was the case because it would be pointless speaking in the general if the problem was actually the specific.

It really is as simple as I don't like the thought of people he has no connection to etc having my face pop up on their fb feed!

I know andnthats what I tell myself. But you don't really notice people who pass you in the street. I don't know. It just feels more 'in your face' than that.

I can't really explain it.

I wouldn’t be bothered about photos of me but more so of my kids. If I was bothered I just wouldn’t tag the other person and problem solved.
I haven’t got anyone that I didn’t at one point know in my social media but that does build up over the years and there are people on there I haven’t seen or spoken to in 20 odd years. I have removed people from time to time but it is nice to hear what people are up to. I find my feed is full of other stuff and not really friends updates now (excepts for a handful that post all the time).

I never post photos of other people without getting their consent first.

My daughter left school recently and sent me some photos to put up. A couple had friends of hers on, and I asked her to check with them that it was ok first.

When the children were little, my mum had a public profile and hundreds of 'friends'. A lot of these weren't people she knew but people she'd 'connected' with playing games on fb like Farmville or whatever it was. I didn't care about her friends/colleagues I didn't know seeing photos of me and my children. It's normal to share stuff like that but I had to ask her to stop posting photos of us in the end because she wouldn't restrict it to people she knew claiming that the hundreds of people from Farmville all over the world were her 'friends'.

Has he complained about not being able to post a picture of you? If not then what you are doing seems a good compromise so there isn’t really an issue is there?
Unless you actually want him to slim down his friends on social media? But you’ve said you don’t care so seemingly not.

That's exactly it.

It's all people I have known at some point. And, yes, it's nice to see how people I knew are getting on, children I knew growing up and moving on in their lives. I also remove people periodically but he never removes anyone so everyone he's ever met who's sent him a friend request he's accepted out of politeness is still on there.

Some of them, he doesn't know or only met once 15 years ago.

I just feel uncomfortable with it.

He hasn't complained but he'd like to. He shares photos of him out with his friends and his family. He doesn't post a lot so it's always friends/family stuff. He'd like to post photos of me/us on nights out or on holiday because we're in a relationship and that's an important/big part of his life.

If he did slim down his friends list and got rid of people he hasn't actually known and has only met, I'd not mind at all but I'm not going to ask him to do that because it's not up to me!

You can’t police other people’s social media in the same way that if someone wanted to write a book about you, you can’t stop them. You can ask him not to tag you, not to share photos etc. but it’s up to him what he chooses to do.

I don't mind if he just tags me in a check in at a place or an event or whatever. Its just photos.

It’s sounds like you’ve discussed it and he knows your position so I think you have to accept that he’s made the decision to not removed the non friends so he can post pictures of you and the kids.
I think you both have your differing views neither of which is right or wrong.

You’re being ridiculous. I bet half the people you think see his feed / images likely don’t.

Facebook is such a big pile of shit these days, actually has been for years. People with 500+ friends/aquaintances/randoms on there aren’t going to have their posts read or even seen.

You shouldn’t be policing how anyone uses social media. You can stop him from tagging you in your own settings.

Yeah, it's come up casually because I obviously asked him not to put photos of me on.

He'd like to but accepts it now.

I really just wondered how other people felt about it.

You shouldn’t be policing how anyone uses social media. You can stop him from tagging you in your own settings.

I'm not policing his use, I'm setting boundaries for myself.

I didn't realise I could stop him from tagging me. I've already got it set so that posts I'm tagged in don't show up unless I approve it but that doesn't solve the issue of him putting photos of me up for everyone on his friends list to see.

I don't care if people I know see them!