It's a social media one...

[ASocialMediaOne]

Bit of background.

I'm not a massive user of SM. I have FB but only post occasionally. I have around 150 friends all of whom are people I actually know/have known, through friendship, work, hobbies/interests parents of my children's old school friends etc. No one I've never met in real life, and I never make public posts.

My partner has around 500 'friends'. These are similarly made up of colleagues, ex colleagues, friends, people he knows through hobbies/interests etc but a significant number are also friends (m&f) of his ex wife, friends of his ex girlfriend. Some of them were mutual friends but many were not but people he just ended up having on FB, ex girlfriends of his friends and random people he's met on a night out he's never seen again.

Most of these people he hasn't seen since he divorced 12 years ago or since he split up with his previous girlfriend 5 years ago. Some he has only met once and never seen again.

He often says he ought to go through and cull a lot of them because he never sees them and, in some cases, never really liked them (some of his ex wife's friends) but they sent a friend request and it felt rude not to accept at the time.

I don't care who he has on there as friends but I don't really like the feeling that, if he shares photos of me and him or I tag him in a post with my children and me, everyone he's ever known will see it, see photos of me, see photos of my children (adults not actual children) even if he doesn't really know them anymore and even if he didn't ever really like or even know them.

So I've asked him not to put photos of me on there and, if I do it, I remove 'friends of friends' from who can view it. I don't mind so much general posts because I'm just incidental in that but photos, I'm really not comfortable with.

Does anyone else feel uncomfortable that people they don't know and have never met and will never meet seeing then on someone else's SM feed? I don't mind of his actual friends, and colleagues see me whether I know them or not.

Am I being a bit ridiculous? I know some people will say it doesn't matter and it's not real life and if its on the internet its never really private anyway but thats not the point.

He would like to share photos that include me.

You’re massively overthinking it.

His acquaintances on SM really would not give your photos a second glance. I see photos of people I don’t know all the time, I don’t even look at it, register it, or remember it 1.5 seconds later.

That's true.

If he's got lots of people on Facebook that he doesn't really interact with, it's unlikely that they will see his posts anyway. Facebook is mostly adverts and random suggestions now! I only see posts from people I've marked as favourites really.

My Dh got rid of all social media he just sees it as a big waste of time. I am similar to you I wouldn't feel comfortable with this. Its just very unnecessary. I think you're right to hold boundaries for yourself. It's a strange molehill for him to die on. I'd let him know by crossing my boundaries he is not creating a safe space in the relationship where you feel heard understood protected.

Your only choices are to compromise and hope he will see your side. Is it relationship ending no but neither does it enhance the relationship.

It seems odd he would put these 500 randoms above his partners concerns and wishes. Perhaps you could ask him What does he gain from it?