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Original poster

Drunken kiss, been with partner 7 years.

31 replies

LivelyViewer · 16/08/2024 21:55

Hi,

2.5 months ago I was out with mates. Got hammered, worst in years. Me and my mates got talking to a group of women (potentially do as mum and aunties were out) and it was joking and abit of flirting at times from all. No intent beyond chatting from anyone. I went to the bar, and one of the girls followed. I turned around from ordering and she kissed me and I didnt stop it as quick as I should have, maybe 5 or so seconds. She tried again a few minutes later as I turned around with drinks but I immediatley said no and pulled away. I spoke to my friends and said we need to move on soon, no one saw from either party. I wanted to remove myself from the situation asap. I remembered her name so blocked her on social media platforms. I dont think any names were remembered by the girls as they never asked.

Anyway, since then I have just felt so rotten and ashamed. I have been with my fiance for 7 years and she is ACE. I have promised to use this experience as a learning point i.e. not getting that drunk again in that environment. I rarely do anyway but I won't again. I just feel so guilty and I don't know whether to tell her. We are so happy and I feel like me telling her is for my own relief and 7 years would likely be wasted over a totally meaningless kiss. She will have heartbreak for nothing and I will he equally heartbroken. It sucks.

Advice please..

OP posts:
catsnore · 16/08/2024 22:11

Just a drunken kiss. Hardly worth throwing your relationship away when you had no intention to do it. I wouldn't say anything.

Original poster
LivelyViewer · 16/08/2024 22:14

I am of the same view as you, the guilt is horrible. I hope with time it passes and I can forgive myself while learning from the experience

OP posts:
Original poster
LivelyViewer · 16/08/2024 22:15

catsnore · 16/08/2024 22:11

Just a drunken kiss. Hardly worth throwing your relationship away when you had no intention to do it. I wouldn't say anything.

I am of the same view as you, the guilt is horrible. I hope with time it passes and I can forgive myself while learning from the experience

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 16/08/2024 22:17

Would you want to know if she was out kissing random men?

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 16/08/2024 22:20

It doesn't sound like you kissed her back....more that she went for you and you were a bit take a back. I'd try to forget it.....it wasn't significant.

Toothlessdragon4 · 16/08/2024 22:20

You were kiss ambushed. You didn’t react quickly enough because of the shock and alcohol. I would tell all rather than keep it hidden.

Nonononoway · 16/08/2024 22:21

Hmmm you blocked her from social media. How many people ask someone new their full name on meeting them? Especially since you were not interested, so my question is … how do you know her name?

Moonshine5 · 16/08/2024 22:23

You're very keen to forgive yourself OP

Blankfaced · 16/08/2024 22:26

Who cares? Get over it

PermanentlyFullLaundryBasket · 16/08/2024 22:26

If your description/recollection is accurate... This sounds more like someone trying to force themselves on you than something you wanted or chose. And that you extricated yourself as soon as your brain caught up with what was happening to you.
If anything this was unwanted sexual attention, not sure I would go as far as assault, it's a grey area.

Horationor · 16/08/2024 22:27

The time to tell her would have been the next day. No point now, you'll open a world of pain to ease your conscions

AnneLovesGilbert · 16/08/2024 22:27

Toothlessdragon4 · 16/08/2024 22:20

You were kiss ambushed. You didn’t react quickly enough because of the shock and alcohol. I would tell all rather than keep it hidden.

Is that like being ambushed by a cake?

Original poster
LivelyViewer · 16/08/2024 22:28

Nonononoway · 16/08/2024 22:21

Hmmm you blocked her from social media. How many people ask someone new their full name on meeting them? Especially since you were not interested, so my question is … how do you know her name?

I asked her name, she told me her full name... I dont really know what else to say to that.

OP posts:
IWishIWasABaller · 16/08/2024 22:28

So drunk but yet you remembered her full name and her face well enough to find her on social media & block her

Edenmum2 · 16/08/2024 22:30

As described I would chalk it up to a mistake and say your remorse is enough, she doesn't need to know.

Out of interest - how did you know her social media handles? Did she write them down for you or something?

DadJoke · 16/08/2024 22:32

If she kissed you without your consent, you've done nothing wrong.

Sceptical123 · 17/08/2024 04:09

Got hammered, worst in years.

I’m also surprised you could remember her full name

Sceptical123 · 17/08/2024 04:13

PermanentlyFullLaundryBasket · 16/08/2024 22:26

If your description/recollection is accurate... This sounds more like someone trying to force themselves on you than something you wanted or chose. And that you extricated yourself as soon as your brain caught up with what was happening to you.
If anything this was unwanted sexual attention, not sure I would go as far as assault, it's a grey area.

If he’d done it to her I’m sure most ppl would say this was an assault - look at that Spanish football federation president who kissed the member of the women’s team!

autienotnaughty · 17/08/2024 07:02

Sceptical123 · 17/08/2024 04:09

Got hammered, worst in years.

I’m also surprised you could remember her full name

Edited

When I have in the past got hammered. I remember all!! It's an awful skill to have.

Op as long as you are sure it won't come back to bite you on the bum I'd say nothing. It also doesn't sound like you did anything wrong? It sounds like you got ambushed and froze. As soon as you collected yourself you said no.

Ritasueandbobtoo9 · 17/08/2024 07:22

Honestly, you were drunk. She was rude. You said no and moved on. These things happen and it’s not something to feel guilty about. I think you are feeling anxious which is understandable.

Ilovelurchers · 17/08/2024 07:31

If what you describe is true she did this to you against your will and you have nothing to feel guilty about.

Even if you consented to the kiss more than you are letting on here, it is, at the end of the day, just a fleeting kiss, so your all-consuming guilt is a bit excessive to be honest.

Your drinking to such an excess that you have behaved in a way you now abhor is the biggest issue here I think. It's good that you have decided to address that - there is plenty of help out there for you if you need help with that. (No judgement here - been there, got the t-shirt).

ItsTheGAGGGGGGGG · 17/08/2024 09:05

It’s a non event don’t say anything

Kerensab · 17/08/2024 13:15

Interesting that you recall her name but I love that you realised your boundary was crossed by a stranger with the potential of throwing all of your life away with your fiance.

Tell her exactly like you have told it.She threw herself at you and you evaded her.Leave the blocking her out of the story as this raises concerns over how you even know her.

Tell your Fiance because you will grow closer from this mistake.I'm sure if she loves you she will forgive you.Especially because you feel horrible about it.

I am saying this because the same thing happened with my husband.Only difference is that he initiated a quick kiss with an older woman and had his female Uni friend sit on his lap while I watched.He didnt need to tell me as I saw it.Whe I spoke to him about it,there was no remorse from him and infact he said that his childhood female friends can carry on sitting on his lap until he told them not to.This is his way of being endearing to them. Having them on his lap and also kissing their lips.

So there you go. I love and appreciate your guilt and remorse.
Tell your lady and she will find a hero in you

GogAndMagog · 17/08/2024 13:34

The we guilt seems to be eating you up so lesson learnt, the punishment will continue.

Don't get so drunk.

EleMar · 17/08/2024 13:45

Personally I wouldn't really care too much if my husband were to tell me this story, as I trust him. However he doesn't get drunk - that would have annoyed me way more!