Friction

[Flute56]

A friend has a neew cat who wears a cat flap fob round its neck to get in and out of flap. Another frie d hates the fob and keeps telling me to ask my friend to take it off her cat. I think thats rude and not my place to interfeer

It isn't anyone's business except the owner of the cat @Flute56

Why does the second friend dislike the fob?

Exactly. It's not their cat, after all.

I have a cat, it uses a fob to go through the catflap.
Before I used a catflap with a fob, the neighbour's cat came into the house - it frightened mine, was roaming in the house, and was eating her food.

I'm a laid back kind of guy but I don't want my neighbour's cat to roam in my house uninvited.

It doesn't sound like your friend has a particularly good reason to say no to a magnetic fob.

Tell the friend that if it bothers her so much she should say something but as you aren’t bothered, you won’t be relaying any messages.

This the friend doesn't like the fob because she thinks it's too heavy to put round the cat's neck and then she said to me how would you like it if somebody put something around your neck for the rest of your life is

My friend said I see many people who have cats and don't know how to look after them so I tell them and then they say oh we didn't know thank you for telling me and she wants desperately for me to say get that fob off the cat's neck because I won't she thinks I'm just as bad because I'm helping her and encouraging her to treat the cat in not a very nice way because she said you should never put those things around cats next and she said when I had a cat they never had anything like that round there neck and she doesn't even think cat should have have flea collars she said if you want to make sure the cat is free from fleas you put flea powder on to be don't stick a fleek collar on them she said cats don't like it but this cat with the fog round its neck never cries or meows or makes any noises to indicate that they don't like it they just getting on with their life as if they didn't have it on so I don't know

Hi @Flute56 We've had cats for years, and they don't mind having collars on, in my experience.

My friend can be very nice in other ways but she's just insisting that the fob comes off this cat and if she does say or if I say to this person with the cat take this off his neck she'd say none of your businesses you'd never speak to me again she'd call me an interfering woman and my friend did say to me if you saw a family they were mistreating their children you would tell social services so she said you need to tell this woman to take the fob off the cats yes

She sounds batshit!

I have to be careful what I say to my friends because she has an opinion for instance if I wear a skirt or dress that slightly above the knee she will tell me it's too short and that these types of dresses are only for teenagers or girls in their Twenties or slightly older women who are very very thin and that older women should wear calf lengths dresses and skirts because they have fat legs and if I were shorts she tells me that shorts are only for teenagers so I have to be very careful not to disclose what I'm wearing because she will say things like this and if I am seen by her to wear something that she thinks his appropriate she'll be absolutely fine

I am not overweight so I feel like in where these types of outfits I do to wonder whether my friend was jealous because I'm wearing these and she thinks I wish I could wear these but she's not overweight either but she feels self-conscious and she won't wear them maybe because I'm quite a bit taller than her she feels she's too short for these kinds of outfits I really don't know but she told me that when you are over the age of 40 you can no longer get away with wearing shorts or skirts above the knee and I thought what an absolute load of rubbish but then again if you do everything right and say everything right then she's absolutely the best friend you could ever have

That's not how friendships work

Well when i was unwell recentlyshe was calling and wassapping to see how i was and then she suggested we go to dinner which we did and we had a good time

Is anyone still watching this thread

This doesn’t sound like a very good friend. Good she was kind to you when you were ill, but it’s not her place to tell you what to wear or anyone else what to do with their cat. If you don’t want to tell her it’s not her business, then smile and nod and change the subject, then do what you like anyway.

She sounds very controlling.

If she's so sure she's right about the fob, why doesn't she tell the friend with the cat herself? Is she pushing you to do so because she wants to break up your friendship with that friend?

Have you asked her why she won't speak to the friend with the cat?

If the cat is micro chipped which they all need to be now then there's no need for a fob, the cat flap can recognise the micro chip.

But I guess it's up to the owner and as long as the cat is happy and not in distress then it's no one else's business.

If she was truly a friend, she really shouldn't be forcing her opinions on what you should and shouldn't be wearing.

Also, why does she want you to tell your friend about the cats collar, why can't she tell her herself?

She does not know the friend so she cannot have a word with her and tell her to take that thing off the cat's neck she can only say to me tell her because I know the person not her

She can't tell her herself because she doesn't know her

Whilst we are under subject of someone telling me what to wear I guess when two women go shopping for clothes and you try something on in the changing room you ask your friend and you say what do you think shall I buy this does this suit me and your friend will say yes I think it looks okay or I don't think it looks good on you and it's the same when you maybe go wedding dress shopping you always take somebody with you and you try on different dresses and the person with you and the person in the shop gives you their honest opinion and I have never known any woman go shopping for a wedding dress on their own

But you said earlier "have to be careful what I say to my friends because she has an opinion.."

It just sounds like she very opinionated, and will give her opinion whether asked for or not.

Wedding dress shopping?
Ooh are you getting married, Flute?

No I am not getting married I just put that down as an example