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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

WAS FEELING POSATIVE - ITS GONE- ALL GONE !!!!!!

42 replies

debbie102 · 16/04/2008 09:34

Well
yesterday i was feeling more posative about the situation, i had a meeting with womens aid and the council and all my hopes lay in there hands.
today i feel like ive been kicked in the stomach had a phone call from womens aid, asking the age of my kids , they are to old for them to help me. they could helpme and the baby but not them.
there policy is no males over 14 years of age.

in short in a mentally absusive relationship, suffered for years i have one son who has an ocd and another on the verge of a nervous breakdown and a baby.

everything in in his name he has the upperhand and he knows it.
he is brainwashing my middle son against my eldest son and to see them fight is unbearable.

he did leave for a while cause he said he couldnt cope - suddenly he has found the strength to come back and start all over again. persecuting me .

i have cried myself to sleep every night for weeks except last night after this making the call to these people in desperation, thought i was on the right path for a way out.

i have health issues and am due to start radiation tomorrow 3 times a week for how long im unsure, and could really have done without this today.

why is it when i just pick myself up of the floor someone just gives me another kick in the face and puts me down there again.

i was gonna change my name to post this but thats a joke isnt it my whole life is falling apart i dont suppose a name change will make any difference.

where do i go from here.............

OP posts:
MrsMacaroon · 16/04/2008 09:52

bump....hope someone comes along with experience. I'm sure some lovely ladies will help you. x

mumblechum · 16/04/2008 09:54

Get yourself a solicitor asap.

Don't recall seeing any previous post from you, but presume there's been DV & if so you can get an injunction to give you and the children protection and in some circumstances, have your ex p/ex h thrown out of the family house.

Go to www.resolution.org.uk and get yourself an appointment with a family lawyer asap.

Original poster
debbie102 · 16/04/2008 10:08

No physical violence as such, hes to clever for that.

its just mental abuse and brainwashing the middle son.

Ive got no grounds to get him out the house and know that if i did manage to do it he would stop paying the mortgage bills etc, and i couldnt afford to run this house again not now with a baby so id loose it for definate.

thats why i thought if i could get out before this happens it would be for the best at least the kids would have a roof and be with me and least amount of upset as possible.

Got another solictors appointment friday after going to the council.

OP posts:
TimeForMe · 16/04/2008 10:14

Hi Debbie, have you got a local Womens Assistance centre? I have recently gone through an 'episode' for want of a better expression and, I found the local womens centre and was given the name and number of a floating support worker. They will come to your home or wherever you like to meet you face to face. They will talk to you and help you all the way. Also, Shelter may help you to get alternative housing. They will help you with the council. When you are a victim of DV you get priority for council housing.

I hope this helps. Try not to get too disheartened. If there is a way, we will help you find it. xx

TimeForMe · 16/04/2008 10:16

Domestic Violence doesn't have to include physical abuse, it includes mental, emotional and financial too.

Original poster
debbie102 · 16/04/2008 10:17

thanks .

is mental abuse domestic violence though ????? i have no proof of what he is doing to me i have no scars no marks no black eyes and the kids, how do i find the number of this place called shelter ive never heard of them.

how do i make them believe that its happening to me.

OP posts:
TimeForMe · 16/04/2008 10:22

Yes it is. Sweetheart, they will believe you. No woman in her right mind, happy in a relationship and not being abused would put herself through what a woman who is genuinely abused has to go through. I ffelt just the same way as you, I doubted myself but, once I had got in touch with the lovely people at the refuge I knew for sure. I didn;t doubt myself one bit! They will believe you, I promise. I would highly recommend you find your local womens assistance centre, they really are wonderful. You will feel a lot stronger having them on your side plus, they will help you with everything else.

There is no shame in being an abused woman, just don;t feel you have to do this alone because you don't. You need all the help you can get, you just have to take it.

TimeForMe · 16/04/2008 10:23

I found my local womens assistance centre by googling my area and 'support group for abused women'. I then emailed them and it went from there. It was the best thing I did.

PortAndLemon · 16/04/2008 10:30

Mental abuse is domestic violence.

Are you still in Liverpool? Any of these links helpful?

Original poster
debbie102 · 16/04/2008 10:33

im scared, tired lonley and angry with myself for letting it get this far truley i am.

OP posts:
TimeForMe · 16/04/2008 10:37

I am so sorry that you are feeling like this. It was only a couple of weeks ago that I was feeling exactly the same. Today I feel happy! Please, try to find your local centre and get in touch with the floating support worker. Just send them an email if you don't feel up to talking xx

Original poster
debbie102 · 16/04/2008 10:37

thank you for the numbers gonna ring a few in a min.

OP posts:
Original poster
debbie102 · 16/04/2008 10:38

ive looked i cannot find one , think its causeim so wound up carnt see through the tears

OP posts:
TimeForMe · 16/04/2008 10:39

As for being angry for letting it get this far, please don't be angry with yourself, you haven't willingly put yourself in this postition. Its like a dripping tap effect, the abuse comes in drips with periods of 'normality' in between, you are in the midst of it before you realise. It's not your fault. You haven't asked for any of it.

Ledodgy · 16/04/2008 10:40

I'm in Liverpool too is there anything I can do to help? Unfortunately I have a full house or you could all stay here but I could look after the baby for you for a few hours for you to try and get yourself sorted if that would help at all?

TimeForMe · 16/04/2008 10:42

Have you tried googling your Town? then put in 'support group abused women'. Other than that Womens Aid may be abe to help you find your local one. I do hope so. But you aren't alone, you have us

Original poster
debbie102 · 16/04/2008 10:44

thanks for the offer of taking the baby hes due in for op next week 22nd another hurdle.. hes impossible at the min hes like a another limb. but i love him so so much and the others.

i feel i could have stopped it and should have at the min as you say that will pass i hope. im normally so strong got 2 much going on hospitals etc think its all come to a head.
stilll searching for that womens assistance place

OP posts:
Ledodgy · 16/04/2008 10:45

where abouts are you in liverpool , just the general area i mean?

Original poster
debbie102 · 16/04/2008 10:46

liverpool 25

OP posts:
Ledodgy · 16/04/2008 10:49

I'm only in the Grassendale/Garston area but don't drive unfortunately. Do you drive? If so feel free to come round and just have a coffee and a talk maybe whenever?

My email address is [email protected].

Original poster
debbie102 · 16/04/2008 10:51

thanksyou. i walk that way most days just to get out. i dont drive due to ill health had my licence taken by medical council. so its legs for me to. im always at the park near there at the swings with baby

OP posts:
TimeForMe · 16/04/2008 10:51

Well I know there was nothing I could do to stop the abuse. If I was in the room I got it. At one point he didn't speak to me for 6 weeks, he just ignored me, that is abuse too. I was powerless to stop any of it. I am sure that you are too. You have to stop beating yourself up about it, you are only adding to your problems by blaming yourself. You need to believe in yourself. You are at the lowest point you could possibly be at now and the only way is up! Could you talk to your GP? They will probably have the number for someone that can help you. You mustn't be afraid to look for RL support, you really do need it, you have such a lot going on at the moment.

Original poster
debbie102 · 16/04/2008 10:54

deep down i know your making sense about the blame but i have no one else to blame except me. im still searching for the number i have app with council on friday, to see if they will accept me .
but im still trying to find the numbers.

OP posts:
Original poster
debbie102 · 16/04/2008 11:03

thanks got to go

OP posts:
TimeForMe · 16/04/2008 11:07

Take care. xx