I think I'm messed up and am spoiling my lovely relationship. I've been dating a guy for 2 years and I've posted before about the sense I got about a younger woman at his workplace and how I thought he had a bit of a thing for her. I'm as sure as I can be now that he was nothing more than friends with her, although he probably/possibly did find her attractive. We've had many arguments over my feelings of insecurity about this and I've done a lot of work to realise that this stems from my childhood and my father who constantly pointed out my faults and made me feel less than everyone and anyone else. I can intellectualize the whole thing, although the feelings still remain that I'll never be anyone's first choice. I suppose I'm forever on the lookout for signs that I'll be passed over for someone else. Anyway, for the purposes of what I'm about to ask for your opinions for, please let's assume that he is committed to me and the insecurities I have are of my own making.
What has happened now is that last Christmas he had told me that there would be two Christmas parties and he was going to the one where she wouldn't be. I had actually started to prepare myself for coping with it as Christmas was approaching when I had assumed that they would be at the same event, knowing that I would have to suck my feelings up as we been over and over it and he'd given me all the reassurance that he possibly could. But as it was going to be two separate parties it didn't come to that and didn't matter.
It has now come to light that she was in fact at the same party. But nothing more than that. There were plenty of people there who he likes to see and it's pretty much a non issue, I do not believe there was anything untoward.
But I've hit the roof about the lie he told. He says that he didn't elaborate at the time because of all the trouble we'd had about her before. I can see his point really. But it hurts to think that he'd be of the opinion of what I don't know won't hurt me. He'd taken away my opportunity to deal with it at the time(even though I can't hand on heart say that I would have dealt with it very well), and would rather just go anyway, safe in the knowledge of himself being trustworthy, than have to deal with my insecurities again.
Now when I try to tell him that I'm hurt about the lying, he's quite unsympathetic and says that I've proved him right in a way.
I really wish I hadn't brought it all back up again, but to me the lie is kind of a separate issue? But I can also see that this is driving a wedge between us and it's not going well at all.
How do I deal with this from here?