How to say no to sex with boyfriend?

[Cadela]

Both middle aged, we live apart so see each other when we can.

If I don’t have sex with him he tells me I don’t want him, I don’t love him. He makes out he’s unattractive unless I have sex with him when he wants me to.

I am peri so it’s not a switch I can just set to yes for sex.

Is this a fake post that is supposed to show double standards?

🤔

Hmmm

No is sufficient. If he pesters, tell him to stop being a pest.

Same reply as I did to the first thread! You may be incompatible as to sex drives, that is fine but it needs an honest conversation and potentially the relationship won't work as you don't want to build resentment/hurt.

How are you surmising that?

Oh dear not good. Try saying no. And meaning it. Nobody should be sulked into sex.
And have a think if a man who resorts to emotional blackmail to push you into sex you don't want is worth having.

As a 40 something you have not yet figured out how to either say:
Sorry babe, really do not fancy it tonight
Or alternatively:
Are you seriously behaving like this because I don't want to sleep with you? Pack your stuff and fuck off.

"Not everything is about you....I am allowed to not want sex for my own reasons. But having said that, do you understand what a huge turnoff it is having you whining like a kid and making it all about you is when I say no to sex?"

I mean I'm not surprised at all that you don't want to have sex with him, sulking like that from a grown ass man is so unattractive I think my vagina would retire to Gibraltar never to be heard from again.

How to say no?

'Stop trying to coerce me'

If he doesn't stop, leave him.

Nobody should feel they have to perform if they don't want to. However you do not live together and I can understand that he feels your time together should be loving and special, and is disappointed.

A partner who sulks if they don't get what they want is extremely distasteful but yours is a different situation to most, being as you 'see each other when you can', which sounds like not that often

Being peri-menopausal does not necessarily equate reduced libido, in fact many women find their desire is stronger then because the follicle stimulating hormone is working overtime. However we are individuals and you obviously find it unappealing at times. This will pass but nobody can predict exactly when.

Perhaps you need to re-evaluate the relationship for both your sakes, Cadela. I wonder if you have actually gone off this man and don't quite realise it yet. Relationships can run their course.

Good luck.

^ This, but I'd just go with the alternative version and tell him to fuck off.

Some interesting posts here that may help...

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5140610-how-to-politely-say-no-to-sex-with-girlfriend

"No, I don't want to"

Kinda like part two.