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Original poster

Did I overreact and ruin things

43 replies

Kittycat90 · 12/08/2024 09:37

Hi everyone

I met a guy on Tinder in June and we really hit it off straightaway. He was really affectionate and communication was consistent. Things moved quite fast but it felt right but we basically have spent every weekend together the last few months have talked about the future and really compatible sexually too.

So this weekend I was at my friends birthday party and I spotted one of his friends that he lived with and went over to say hello. His friend was quite drunk and trying to flirt with me so I shut it down and went to walk away. Then he said to me if I tell you something promise you won’t get mad. He proceeded to tell me that my boyfriend had another woman in their house a few weeks ago.

I’m not going to lie I saw red. I have been cheated on in past relationships and took a softly approach and didn’t confront them properly and vowed I would never be made a fool of again.

I tried to ring my boyfriend and no answer I just wanted to know the truth. Im not proud of it but I tried to ring him 20 times so I know that looks nuts. I text him and asked him if what I was told was true and he wouldn’t ring me back and text me to say what am I doing accusing him of this and said he has been in relationships before where he was accused in the wrong and wasn’t putting up with it. I text and asked if we can talk and he has now blocked me on everything.

can’t believe things went from perfect on Friday to a disaster by Saturday. I wish I hadn’t bumped into his friends and this never happened. He is known to be a bit of a liar but I thought why would he lie about that. I wish I had taken a more mature approach and waited for my boyfriend to answer the phone and ask calmly but my anger got the better of me. Even worse is I know now we’ll never speak again. Do you think I overreacted?

OP posts:
MoreCoffee52 · 12/08/2024 09:40

Yes!!

Anewuser · 12/08/2024 09:41

It all moved very quickly but ultimately it sounds like he’s been seeing someone else as well?

You know you overreacted with the phone calls but it was because you needed the truth.

His mate obviously told him he’d spoken to you and that’s why he didn’t answer the call.

You've already admitted he’s known to be a liar so you’ve had a lucky escape.

Summerhillsquare · 12/08/2024 09:41

Err, no!

Jellycatspyjamas · 12/08/2024 09:43

You overreacted but he ruined things.

CheekyHobson · 12/08/2024 09:44

he has been in relationships before where he was accused in the wrong and wasn’t putting up with it

Translation “I’ve been caught out doing this shit before”

Edingril · 12/08/2024 09:45

Yes you have, sure he could have been up to something but I would have blocked anyone who carried on like with me

Incredibly childish and controlling

ZombieGirl86 · 12/08/2024 09:46

20 ti.es is a lot but no you didnt op. Hes blocked you becayse its true. Lucky escape for you. Dont let anyone make you feel crazy for having your own back x

Strictly1 · 12/08/2024 09:52

You’ve said the friend who told you is known for lying. You should have calmly asked but too late for that now. I’d chalk it up to experience.

rwalker · 12/08/2024 09:53

I think it all hinges on if it was true

FiveStoryFire · 12/08/2024 09:56

It sounds like he's guilty from the way he's reacted. In which case, it really doesn't matter if you overreacted or not.

MonsteraMama · 12/08/2024 09:59

Well it started quickly and ended quickly.

Yes, you would've been better off taking a few deep breaths, carrying on with your evening, and then having a conversation with him at a later date about it in a non-accusatory way. You did kind of throw a nuke at a situation that could've been resolved with a conversation. The relationship might've ended anyway, but it's entirely possible the mate (known for being a liar??) is a complete shit stirrer and the boyfriend is innocent of any wrongdoing.

Either way it's done now, I think you just need to take it as a lesson for your next relationship. And perhaps do some work on yourself in regards to the damage that has been done to you by past cheating - flying off the handle and throwing accusations around without any evidence at all is not an improvement on being meek and avoiding confrontation. Projecting past hurt onto present relationships is not a positive thing.

Changingplace · 12/08/2024 10:00

If someone is known 3 months reacted like that I’d block them too, yes you overreacted, it may or may not be true but your behaviour was over the top either way.

HolGal89 · 12/08/2024 10:02

If this was very unusual behaviour from you and not something you have been doing regularly then I would understand he might be alarmed, but his reaction to you gives off the vibe that it wasn’t a lie. I would also ask someone to explain to me if something was or wasn’t true that their housemate had told me about another woman. You would be mad not to ask. The fact he didn’t explain and instantly blamed you for being accusatory is not a good sign. I think you had a lucky escape

Original poster
Kittycat90 · 12/08/2024 10:05

HolGal89 · 12/08/2024 10:02

If this was very unusual behaviour from you and not something you have been doing regularly then I would understand he might be alarmed, but his reaction to you gives off the vibe that it wasn’t a lie. I would also ask someone to explain to me if something was or wasn’t true that their housemate had told me about another woman. You would be mad not to ask. The fact he didn’t explain and instantly blamed you for being accusatory is not a good sign. I think you had a lucky escape

Yes I have never accused him of anything before or never questioned who he was with what he was doing etc

OP posts:
SamW98 · 12/08/2024 10:12

CheekyHobson · 12/08/2024 09:44

he has been in relationships before where he was accused in the wrong and wasn’t putting up with it

Translation “I’ve been caught out doing this shit before”

Absolutely this.

CheekyHobson · 12/08/2024 10:18

SamW98 · 12/08/2024 10:12

Absolutely this.

Show quote history

If someone is in an abusive relationship then yes, sometimes they can be accused of cheating with no cause.

But to be accused of cheating in multiple relationships… well, sounds a bit more like “where there’s smoke, there’s fire”.

Ellie1015 · 12/08/2024 10:27

Did he deny it and say friend is lying? Or just twist it round to you have no right to accuse me??

You were perfectly in the right to ask given the source was his friend who he lives with. I could understand him being annoyed being accused over nothing but in this case it would be weird not to question him. And 20 calls is a lot, but why didnt he answer? Was he genuinely unaware of calls or ignoring you?

Sjh15 · 14/08/2024 22:35

You may have done, but it sounds like he’s guilty. Hes clearly been caught doing this before. Why didn’t he answer you phone call 1 or 2/20? Why did it take 20, to then be blocked? For sure he’s guilty

Rowen32 · 14/08/2024 22:48

Did you not think his friend was annoyed he was getting nowhere flirting with you and made it up?

Noseybookworm · 14/08/2024 22:56

Yes you should have waited until you were calm enough to ask him about it face to face. If his friend lied to you, he should have been angry with the friend not you. But you made yourself look a bit of a psycho with the 20 phone calls!

blacksax · 14/08/2024 23:14

Oh for crying out loud. You met this bloke at a party who then tried it on with you and you turned him down. Then, this well-known liar tells you that your DP has been seeing someone else.

And you believed him?

Did it not occur to you at the time that this was a bit suspect? I have a strong suspicion that he thought if he told you your dp was cheating on you, it would give you carte blanche to go tit-for-tat and cheat on him as well. And who better to do it with than the bloke chatting you up at the party.

ThatTealViewer · 14/08/2024 23:27

blacksax · 14/08/2024 23:14

Oh for crying out loud. You met this bloke at a party who then tried it on with you and you turned him down. Then, this well-known liar tells you that your DP has been seeing someone else.

And you believed him?

Did it not occur to you at the time that this was a bit suspect? I have a strong suspicion that he thought if he told you your dp was cheating on you, it would give you carte blanche to go tit-for-tat and cheat on him as well. And who better to do it with than the bloke chatting you up at the party.

Edited

This.

And your (now) ex’s reaction makes perfect sense, imo. You rang him TWENTY TIMES in a fury, based on nothing. That’s a field of red flags, right there.

Livelovebehappy · 14/08/2024 23:50

Thing is, if he had answered your first call, or even second or third, then you wouldn’t have had to attempt 20 calls. That he sat there listening to the phone and didn’t have the decency (or balls!) just to pick it up says more about him than you.

rubeelum · 14/08/2024 23:59

Tbh sounds like he was seeing someone else? If he really liked you he would at least make the effort to talk. Yes you probably overreacted a bit but all you did was leave missed calls - it's not that major (unless there is a huge drip feed coming about what you said in the text).

The major issue appears to be he had another woman at his house? Sorry this happened to you OP.

Melonjuice · 15/08/2024 00:20

You dodged a bullet
he disappeared as soon as you called him out
he would’ve left you anyway, in this same way Only this time you would have caught feelings and be left wondering what you did