How to help conspiracy theory-obsessed mother? **Content warning MNHQ**

[AliasGrace47]

I'm 18, and I know it seems strange for a teen to ask advice here. But I looked at the feminism boards from curiosity and have found the advice here much more trustworthy than other forums.

OP - does your mum have a history of anxiety? It sounds like this is paranoia. Does anything like that run in your family?

I'd speak to a GP if I were worried like this for a family member. Do you have anyone who you can rely on except for her? You're young to have to think about this.

Can you move out ?

Hi @AliasGrace47 love your user name! Have a look at Qanon Casualties on Reddit. It’s a very kind place, there are often young people there who come for advice. Mostly American but often Europeans too. The exact conspiracies might be different but the impacts and strategies are the same. Reading some of the threads might be helpful.

This sounds like it might be further than a rabbit hole, towards mental ill health. Do you have a social worker?

this guy is interesting and has interesting takes on conspiracy theories as well as his work on cults.

https://www.instagram.com/cultexpert/?hl=en

He might have some youtube videos he can suggest things.

Essentially I think people into conspiracy theories are a bit like those in cults and need to be reached out to in careful, safe ways to bring them back into the fold.

I agree May. I have some experience. I followed the advice form the people on Reddit who have much more and troubling experience. How to question and not challenge/argue, how to provide a soft landing/way back and how to take care of my own mental health. They were fantastic and I’m so grateful

OP Mr Menno posted an interesting thread on twitter yesterday about a conversation he had with a friend. It gave examples of some of the approaches mentioned on this thread. It was with regard to trans ideology specifically but might still have some relevance to your situation.

I agree that this sounds more like mental health problems than a straightforward conspiracy theorist (although I am aware that there is a MASSIVE crossover in the demographic).

OP, is there any way that you can gently guide your mum towards seeing her GP? Some of her thoughts seem distressing for her and it may be possible for her to have some form of therapy to help her to control the way she thinks and to help her stop catastrophising a little. If it would improve her quality of life, it might be worth trying to steer her towards getting some help for her mental health.

The looking for/finding symbols and hidden meanings in photos sounds like it could be psychosis to me.

OP, is your mum registered at the same doctors surgery as you? If so, I think you need to make an appointment with your GP and go and talk to them about this.

Thanks for the kind replies- it really means a lot! I'm sorry for the long posts, there's still quite a lot of context & detail that's relevant. (I'll do a tldr) You see, my uncles' behaviour has been really serious. I agree about my mum's behaviour w the photos sounding paranoid, but this was all instigated by people on X saying trans cult signs and symbols were everywhere. She got into a rabbit hole of videos. There were a few months where she was really obsessed, but I made it clear how much it upset me to hear her talk about it, and she respects that, though often things slip out, and she still believes most of the stuff. She watches far fewer videos now to save Internet, but has a stash of bks w titles like 'Their Terrifying Plan' and likes to read them before bed, so she can feel equipped to fight evil!
She got into the related EGI theory (Elite Gender Inversion) which takes pics of celebs, probs altered, and claims they're all the opposite sex. The worst thing is she has a science degree, but claims the fact this stuff wasn't taught is bc of the 'deep state' . Around this time she had been interested in Nicola Bulley's case, & this I think led her to X conspiracy accounts, as she also stated thinking lots of missing person cases were psyops.
She then claimed to see EGI people literally everywhere. Most actors in my gran's old films, Morecambe and Wise, you name it...

There’s an active thread on Qanon Casualties today titled ‘how do I deradicalize my parents’. I think you might find it interesting. The posters go in to a bit more detail about the strategies mentioned by others here. If you go there have a look at the sidebar with summaries of common strategies and support.

There is recognition there that poor mental health and extreme conspiracy thinking are often hard to disentangle. They are also good at flagging up when new ones are bubbling up online, it can be helpful to know what’s coming down the line.

Thank you to all. The qanon reddit has been v helpful. Although her views are extreme, I actually feel better now as she is miles better than many of the people discussed there. She's not (or wasn't) politically extreme, and she's not narcissistic or superior, she never sneers or calls me a sheeple etc, she says she's happy I can think for myself. And several times she has said, after I discussed w her, that she agrees some of the material is extreme. She is quite measured in that a lot of bad stuff has happened in her life, and she's had to just get on w it, so that's basically her approach. She does have a stockpile but not excessive. She's stopped watching the videos to save money, which has helped a lot. The behaviour I've described was in the eye of the storm, she believes most of it still, but doesn't obsess over it. She does still have a v skewed & depressing outlook, which I hope to try & tackle a bit as it's not good for any of us.

I’m glad you feel reassured. I think the most powerful lesson I learned from that sub was to not argue and to provide a welcoming place to come back to. Online places can be profoundly unhealthy for people who are anxious, have trauma, slipping into delusions or other sorts of mental health problems. I really hope that someday there will be accountability for those algorithms that push people further and further into ill health.

The extreme conspiracy and political stuff is really hard for the friends and families, I feel we get so agitated by that we can’t see what’s underlying it sometimes. I don’t want to imply that having a different political position or scepticism about things equals mental illness, of course that’s not true. But it can tip from a germ of truth into a place where people are looking to explain or justify their feelings of discomfort to a circular feeding frenzy.

Your mum obviously trusts you and that’s such a good thing for her to have. But do take steps to take care of yourself too.

Thank you, yes definitely getting angry isn't the way to go, ..The key is to provide good things to replace the theories.. It can be hard w the really extreme stuff, but I do get where she's coming from which helps as you say.
I did draw a hard line last year when she repeated something she'd read that suggested Hitler just said anti Semitic things for some higher purpose, not bc he meant it, & that he was not responsible for the Holocaust! I cried and got v angry, she was v sorry to have upset me, but seemed to have no idea why! She's a good person, not bigoted at all, & she doesn't hate any group, just the evil Families ( which include the Rothschilds ofc..), but seems oblivious to the anti Semtic undercurrents.. If I see any Star of Davids in her videos, I am v stern, but luckily she's not really watching stuff now.

    I'll put more context, bc I think the background holds the key to resolving my mum's issues.. or more likely, amelioration them..  I take baby steps w the conspiracy stuff, mostly I just try to avoid for my own sake. It is difficult, I have my gran who is good but 90s & sometimes doesn't know me (not dementia, but something else that goes on and off), & I don't really feel I should put all this worry on her. My mum sometimes shares her extreme ideas w her, as she knows I won't discuss them. I try to prevent this as I don't think it's good for my gran at all. My gran has had her own problems w the bad behaviour of my uncles ( to put it mildly- there's worse stuff I need to explain), & it's ofc really hard for her that 2 of her children are horrible, but I don't think blaming it on trans cults and the government targeting us is the right thing to do ..

I think it’s a behaviour we all do to some extent when we are feeling unhappy or vulnerable - that is to push it on to something to point at and blame. Could be a husband, supporters of the other football team or could escalate right up to ‘the Jews’. In some way it’s maybe our brains trying to protect us from the horrible things that lie underneath and the pain they caused. Our brains don’t want to go back there.

It does sound like there is a complex web of traumas in your family.

Do you think it might be useful for you to understand all this for yourself? Do you think all this effort to try to help your mum could be your own deflection strategy? While the events surrounding your mum and her siblings might not have directly involved you these things can spread in families and down through generations. The ‘perfect daughter’ can be a trauma response too.

I get what you mean- maybe this doesn't come across in my posts, but I am really doing this for me. I just want to have my normal mother back who I can talk to about stuff & not be met w a weird reaction. Eg. One of my close female friends has recently begun going by 'he'. As I've said, I'm v gc, but I say what they want bc I know the background (parents away a lot, then went through 4 year acrimonious divorce, + were v culturally prejudiced against her lesbianism, also school v pro trans ideology), & I think direct challenge would cause more harm. My mum feels that my friend must've been subjected to mind control/programming (she's read lots of bks on this). I'm going to meet her next week & have been instructed not to enter her house in case she attempts to program me! 😆I didn't answer as there's no way I'm pandering that far! Also I was warned to beware government programming when I visited the dentist! Apparently, you have to be sure you stay awake & don't experience memory blackouts, as it only takes 30 mins to be irreversibly mind controlled. A small but also annoying one is that all pop music, Taylor Swift esp, is designed to program listeners, so I have to be careful she doesn't know what music I listen to.

https://www.thedisinfoproject.org/understanding-disinformation

🎤 put narcotics into all of my songs🎤

what does she think the dentist and pop music will program people to do?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Disinformation_(company)

Conspiracy theories regarding pop music suggest that the genre is not just entertainment but a tool for social control or manipulation. Proponents of these theories argue that pop music can be used to influence public opinion, behavior, and societal norms.

Basically think elvis back in the day

Sorry for the gap in the thread, I have revision & also been seeing friends.
I'm lucky to have good ones. I don't tell them about all this- they know my mum follows conspiracy theories but I don't want to be a wet blanket by talking about it a lot.I am v careful to guard my mental health. I Journal to stay grounded, and make sure I have enough down time so as not to let everything get on top of me. I have emphasised to my mum that I don't feel supported by her since it's really hard to discuss things without her conspiracy views impeding her judgement. She believes them so strongly it's hard not to doubt the normal view at times, I have to make a strong effort not to be affected. I know school counsellors should be a good outlet: my school is good but the counsellors unfortunately don't have a good reputation.

@LucasNorth1 “pop music can be used to influence public opinion, behavior, and societal norms”

well yes but that’s very different than actually being “programmed” so I wonder what OP mum thinks is happening there, especially re dentist.

Fair points

Who knows what she thought the dentist would do? I honestly can't keep up.. She is v suspicious of most authority figures now, they're all somehow implicated in the supposed government plan to control everyone's minds.