How would you react?

[whattododoido]

How would you feel if your partner who had issues with cocaine, didn’t come home at least once a month, had a history of cheating on his exes with prostitutes, but he got diagnosed with adhd and possible autism. men with adhd/autism are linked to risk taking/having addictions. Would the fact they have adhd/autism affect how you react to them? Would you go easier? Be understanding that they have these risky ways because they’ve been diagnosed. Or would you react the same way as if they hadn’t been diagnosed?

There are millions and millions of men in this country. There is no way I would waste any of my short, precious life on the person you describe.

Autism and snorting cocaine/sleeping with prostitutes are very different things OP.

Er-running a funking marathon to get away from them ?

IMO blaming being a druggie cheat on having ADHD or autism is insulting to all the people with ADHD or autism who aren't druggie cheats.

STOP insulting people wish adhd and asd. The fact this man, and loads of other men and women are complete knobs is not because they have asd it is because they are complete knobs. He takes drugs and cheats. No matter what underlying conditions he has I would be gone.

I would react the same way I would with no adhd/autism diagnosed.

Sounds like my ex - get rid.

Omg this this

Too many red flags already. Time to find a decent man, they are out there.

DUMP

I'd go fucking bonkers.
It's disrespectful. Being ND is not an excuse for crap behaviour. (I'm diagnosed autistic).

Fuck me another one in the long list of MN threads about blokes who should be avoided like the plague but who manage to find a woman whose bar is so low she’ll make excuses for their appalling behaviour just to have a man.

OP- he’s a coke head who has so little respect for women that he pays sex workers when he’s in a relationship. . He’s not exactly a prize catch is he?

I would react by not touching him with a 12 foot pole personally

Being ND doesn’t excuse shitty behaviour and isn’t an excuse to be a terrible partner, being autistic doesn’t make you cheat, take drugs and think it’s ok to purchase someone’s body because you can’t buy consent, he’s just a wanker who happens to also be ND.

I have autism, my two adult children have autism, we are all prone to addictive behaviour but choose to work on it and channel that energy in to healthier approaches, we aren’t dickheads, we don’t treat people like shit, we don’t take drugs and buy bodies to use and we know you can’t buy consent.

Throw him back into the pool - he's bad news!
ND does not man bad attitude or behaviour

The diagnosis wouldn't make any difference to me. I don't care if he "can't help" this behaviour - I just don't want a partner who takes drugs, cheats and has sex with prostitutes.

I would get a shedload of therapy to figure out why I was with him in the first place. Madness.

You lost me at cocaine.

Have a bit of respect for yourself.

Penis is cheap and plentiful. Why would I put up with any shit when I don’t have to?

They will never change its a habit

ADHD or ASD both totally irrelevant. You are not having a relationship with a man. You are having a relationship with cocaine

The man is just the vehicle the cocaine is moving around in

Blaming his drug habit for adhd and what not!

Depends if I wanted to be his nurse mother and 'saviour', or his partner.
I think thats what you have to ask yourself.

Well, they wouldn't have been my partner in the first place it would make no sense for them to be

Why would you lower yourself to settle for this kind of existence? You are worth more than this. You want to spend the rest of your life stressing about where he is, if he's safe or if he's with prostitutes? Really?

Move on. Fast. And I mean this in the most loving way possible. A little counselling to understand why you would be willing to stay with a man like this could be good for you. I know that in real life you are obviously a kind and empathetic person, hence why you want to make excuses for someone that doesn't have the same consideration for you. A bit of work with a counsellor might be a good idea for you to look for someone that won't take advantage of your kind people pleasing nature. I hope you find someone that deserves you. You deserve much better than this.