Soon to be ex texts to my kid inappropriate?

[Lollip189]

Hi all. Sorry if this is a bit long.

Been having issues with partner. We have a child together and I have 2 from previous relationship.

'Partner' and I currently on a break. We've been having some issues. I was foolish enough to agree to have a baby with him when things weren't exactly stable. He was living between my house and his mother's. He's never lived alone. One of the issues we've had is with him storming back to the city where he stays with his mum when we have a falling out. On one of these occasions I was miscarrying but he had to go back to work, but the way in which he did it made me feel abandoned and anxious. We fell out and I didn't hear from him for a couple of days after he left.

Well today he's been saying I need to make a decision about our break. I felt a bit pressured and said I didn't know, but I felt him storming out at the last time was one too many, that I don't trust he can handle the bad times. Well, he roughly kissed our son whilst he was napping on my knee saying "bye son" (my own son had come down at this point and saw this) then he roughly hugged my son, stormed out banging the front door. My son was visibly shaken and was asking what was wrong.

Since then he has been sending my son texts saying things like "I'm not coming back" "take care of your brother" "I wish things could go back to the way they were" "I know I'm hurting too" "you call me if you need to talk".

I may be way off here and I'm not sure how to handle the situation, but are these a bit inappropriate? I'm open to all opinions as I'm not sure how to navigate it.

How old is your Ds ?

I would suggest he blocks him for now .

I would suggest also you agree he needs to leave .. he sounds like another child

Completely inappropriate. I’d block them on your son’s phone and delete his number.

@Starlightstarbright3
He's 10.

Yes I'm leaning towards that or asking my 'partner' to stop texting.

Yup, that's where I'm going with it. I'm letting things calm down then he's out the door. I feel like I have another teenager on the house.

I think ask him to stop and if he doesn’t block him for a month. Explain to him what you are doing and why.

Thank you @mindutopia

My gut was saying the same thing but I've been known to get it wrong sometimes. Goo to know others' perspective.

Block his number on your ds's phone. You must..

You have to protect your young boy from that total asshole.

Cheers all. I knew it, really.

He sounds abusive and it sounds like he’s using the children as a weapon against you. I would not only block him on your sons phone but on your own phone as well. You do not need an abusive man in your life, who leaves you alone to miscarry, repeatedly leaves you and goes back to mummy’s house, who’s never lived alone and has the maturity of a toddler, is emotionally abusive to your children and manhandles them. Get rid of him. Document any abusive messages and tell your health visitor what’s been happening. She will document it in your records. Be prepared that this asshat will start threatening to take the baby now you’ve split up as another form of coercive control. Don’t engage. Document everything. Keep all messages, if he has a key to your house, change the locks and get a ring doorbell up. If he comes to your house, call the cops. He’s abusive and you and your children do not need someone like that hanging around messing up your lives. These men never get worse, the abuse only escalates. Get out now whilst he’s not living with you.

@Lollip189, this pig is manipulating/emotionally abusing your 10 year old. Please safeguard DS by blocking his number, and make this break permanent. He’s a shit partner, dad, and step-dad who will do untold damage to the children and bring chaos to your relationship.

Thanks for your responses. I told him to stop, his response was "he needs to know the truth regardless of my behaviour, I'm not lying to him and saying it's a joint decision"

Yup, we are now split up!!

He’s 10. He shouldn’t be privy to adult conversations. He should be told that you’ve split up in an age appropriate way. This guy is using him as a weapon and it’s abuse. Block him everywhere after you’ve saved all the abusive messages. Report him to the police as this is domestic abuse and coercive control is a crime.

Your 'partner' needs to learn to manage his emotions and sit with his uncomfortable feelings like an adult rather than firing off emotional texts to a 10 year old who should be protected from the adults' emotional state during a break up.

So tell him to stop for the above reasons and block on your child's phone if he continues until he can behave like an adult.

Yup, we are now split up!!

Congratulations!

Why are you asking just block the idiot. Protect your child.

He sounds like a bloody child himself! Block him on your son's phone and warn him you will be reporting him for harassment if he continues to try and contact your son. Unfortunately, you are stuck co-parenting with him as you have a child together. Don't weaken and allow him back in. He needs to grow up and learn how to resolve disagreements without running back to mummy 😒

I'll give you this from a real man's point of view.
The guy's a cock and a mummy's boy who's trying to emotionally blackmail your 10 year old son and trying to put the blame on you for you two not being together, block him on your son's phone and tell him to stop getting in touch with your son with his stupid emotional texts.
If he really give a shit about his family he would always be there for you and the children no matter what, that's what a partner and family man does he doesn't run away to mummy's every time things are not going his way he stays and sorts things out.
You're well shot of this weak, self centered excuse of a man that's for sure

He's weaponising you child

And I don't understand why a 10yr old has a phone to start with

Thats up to their mum to decide what your children need to know not him. What a dick. Sounds very manipulative.

A 10 year old is too young to have their own ongoing relationship with your ex-partner. Block your ex-partner permanently on your child's phone.

Thanks all. Your responses are appreciated.

Several of you have stated he is a child. It's not the first time I've heard this. It has been like having an extra teenager at home.

Am solid in my decision to split with the odd wobble, but that's normal.

And yes, a man should be there for his family no matter what. He was conditional about this and as soon as things got hard, he ran off. He was good at dealing with outside stressors, but when things got hard within our own unit, off he went.

It's hard to live with a man-child. So yes, definitely block his number from your older sons phone. And just focus on co-parenting with your youngest. My brother had a really rough time with an uncivil ex, and it really affected the children.
Where does he work? Is it in his mums city as you said he went off back to work and you didn't hear from him for days?

I had a fuckwit like this. Tried using my DD when we broke up.
He was a manipulative wanker too.
If it is possible to not have him around your children I would definitely do that.
His child however is a different story.
As baby is young I don't know how you can navigate that. Hopefully someone will be able to point you in the right direction 🪻

He's apologised since. The thing is with him, he will do something from a quick reaction. So he will react in the emotion instead of sitting with it. Again, like a child. I don't mind some cooling off time, but to eff off back to another city, esp when we have a kid ain't cricket. He isn't all bad, he has some deep issues. However, I've tried to accommodate as best I can over the years but have had empty promise after empty promise. This current issue was just the final straw. Issues or not, you have to face up to yourself sooner rather than later. It just got too late.

@whyalltheusernames funnily enough me ex, my older 2 children's father, is just like that. So current, ex I suppose he is now, knows, so I was mega pissed off when he did that. We've agreed to keep it as amicable as possible. I hope he sticks to that. Yup, in the city where he lives with his mum. After the miscarriage he went back there and I didn't hear off him for a day or two. He hasd great difficulty facing hard situations during the relationship.

How is your 10 year old? Has your ex apologised to him?