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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Cant stay like this....I need to leave...we need to leave....but I have nowhere else to go.

52 replies

KnickersOnMaHead · 15/04/2008 15:32

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OP posts:
SpecialOffer · 15/04/2008 17:08

Can't remember, but I think some form of proof of address as well is the norm.

Not sure if you are on any of the bills, but you could add yourself to one now.

Original poster
KnickersOnMaHead · 15/04/2008 17:22

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itsahardknocklife · 15/04/2008 17:22

Yes, my partner had to go into a hostel for 6 months before he got a council flat, but it was worth it for him.
Knickers, you are welcome to come and stay with me until you get things sorted, you know you will always be welcome.

debbie102 · 15/04/2008 17:32

Knickersonmahead
similar situation going on here except i have health issues as you know.no other women just bullying and brainwashing going on. Im trying to get out. Fond council 2day they were helpful got a meeting with them and womens aid on friday .day after another set of chemo. If i can do it d so can u? Dont b bullied into submission. Do sumthing bout it. Ive cried and cried for wks but today im feeling posative. Text me if u want to anytime x

MadameCh0let · 15/04/2008 18:43

I suppose when you are in a hostel they will regard you as an urgent case.

Knickers, once you've left him you have done the hardest part. You will instantly feel a bit more detached from it all.

Debbie102, it's amazing how people can be so strong. I felt like I was using up every last scrap of strength I had when I left my ex (and home, and friends and possessions) but you are dealing with chemo on top.... Stay positive tomorrow chica.

itsahardknocklife · 15/04/2008 19:10

Yes that's right. Knickers, I am in band C, which is the largest band, for non-urgent cases. If you are actually homeless, ie kipping on someone's floor or in a hostel, you go in band A (along with medical needs etc). This means you have priority in a lot of cases.

Original poster
KnickersOnMaHead · 15/04/2008 19:14

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itsahardknocklife · 15/04/2008 19:21

It's not just for medical needs,it is for high priority, which includes the homeless as well as those with medical needs, and probably a whole host of other people too! If I had applied when I was working as a teacher I would have gone into band A as a keyworker.

It's up to you if you want to stay there or not. Only you can decide that. I think by posting this thread you have half made your mind up, though.

Mamazon · 15/04/2008 19:22

If you are homeless (which you would be if you cannot return to your home as it is in his name) then teh council WILL help to rehouse you.

They will be able to place you in temp accomodation until you are able to sort yourself out.

You should contact your local housing department.
If they try and brush you off give SHELTER a ring as they will fight your case with the council for you.

You have a child and are currently pregnant which makes you a vulnerable adult, they have a responsibility for your care so they WILL do something.

Original poster
KnickersOnMaHead · 15/04/2008 19:22

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itsahardknocklife · 15/04/2008 19:25

Mamazon said it nice and clearly without the waffling that I add in!

We'll do it tomorrow. I have to go to the housing place anyway to ask where my card is and to apply for 2 properties this week.

debbie102 · 15/04/2008 20:07

Ment to say good luck komh forgot my head in the clouds atm .

debbie102 · 15/04/2008 20:07

Ment to say good luck komh forgot my head in the clouds atm .

Hassled · 15/04/2008 20:19

Just to say re bnk accounts - lots of them do "basic" accounts where you're not allowed to ever go overdrawn and just get a cash card, not a cheque guarantee card. I opened one with NatWest five or so years ago when I had no assets, no job, kids and a lot of debts. You will need ID with your address but you said the child benefit is in your name - any letters from them will do.

Good luck with everything - he sounds like a tosser and you sound like a good, brave woman who could do an awful lot better.

Original poster
KnickersOnMaHead · 17/04/2008 07:28

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itsahardknocklife · 17/04/2008 09:37

he probably doesn't think you will actually do it.

Original poster
KnickersOnMaHead · 18/04/2008 13:32

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Mamazon · 18/04/2008 13:37

you are doing the right thing.

these next few weeks until you leave will be a nightmare. you will have a rollercoaster of emotions and he will no doubt make them worse.

why not start keeping a kind of diary as to hwo you feel, what he says and does tyo make you feel that way and the thoughts that are going through your head.

Not only will it help you release some of your pent up emotions but it will also help when you doubt your decision. sometimes when we are having a calm period in a relationship you can forget why you wanted to leave, you can use the diary to remind you why your doing this and why it is the best thing for all concerned.

Original poster
KnickersOnMaHead · 18/04/2008 13:46

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TimeForMe · 18/04/2008 17:21

Well done on opening the bank account

Th diary idea is a brilliant one. I keep a journal of everything and it does serve as a reminder when start things picking up and you start doubting yourself and thinking you night just have a sensitive nature and an overactive imagination Mine keeps me in 'real time'. It's very theraputic to write it too, it helps to sleep better when you have 'downloaded' all your thoughts.

Keep up the good work and keep posting xx

Original poster
KnickersOnMaHead · 18/04/2008 17:29

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Phoenix · 18/04/2008 20:38

knickers, i've only just found this, hope you, dd and bump are ok {{{hugs}}}

fatzak · 18/04/2008 22:56

I've only just found this too - saw your profile on facebook and someone pointed me over here.I really hope that you are ok - is itsa with you? Sounds like she is being a star. If you need any help just shout.

justabouta · 19/04/2008 07:40

This reply has been deleted

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trace2 · 19/04/2008 12:56

knickera just seen this ! sorry you going through this, i went through some thing like this with xh. if you want to chat ill be here for you, i can tell you what i did to get out of the house we both shared