Confused, possible mind games?

[Maëlys]

Recently I had a couple of dates with someone I liked a lot. Unfortunately he wasn’t into me so we left things, although kept in touch sporadically with banter and a bit of flirting on WhatsApp.

I realised it wasn’t good for me to keep in contact with him as I was secretly hoping for more. I was always the one to message first but he was usually chatty and responded quickly.

But I still had to face the fact that he wasn’t interested and it wasn’t good for me so about a week ago, I deleted his number.

A couple of days ago he messaged me out of the blue. He sent a photo of a beach he was on and was all chatty again. I responded politely but kept it very surface level and didn’t really get into conversation.

He volunteered that he was going to a different beach the next day, a long way from the ones he normally goes to where he lives.

It was like he was making a point of telling me how he was going out of his way to this distant location.

Then yesterday evening he sent some photos of his trip to said beach, going on about how great it was. Pics were only of the water not of himself or his companion but he kept using the word “we” and also said he’d be going back in 2 weeks, the next time he’s child free.

So more or less telling me he went there on a date and that they’re seeing each other. Which is fine, it’s none of my business!

I didn’t ask any questions about who he’d gone there with, just said it looked fab and I was glad he’d had good weather.

But I don’t understand why he made a point of contacting me to tell me this. As I had already stopped messaging him. I know he doesn’t want me. I am not pursuing him!

It feels unnecessary and a bit off and unkind somehow.

Maybe he hadn’t noticed that I’d stopped messaging him and he was just sharing photos as you would with a friend.

But if he was doing that then surely he’d openly mention the person he was with, at thats a normal thing to do when you’re telling people where you’ve been and so on.

I don’t get it. It feels mind gamey and I don’t know why he would do that to me, especially when I have stepped away. He’s made it clear he doesn’t want me so it’s not like he’d need me to be jealous.

Yes, I know I’m giving this more headspace than it needs.

I’m autistic so I do tend to brood about things.

When neurotypical people confuse me, I do spend ages trying to make sense of their behaviour. I think maybe I just needed to write this down and get it out.

He might not have been that into you OP but perhaps he was enjoying the fact that you were into him.
Perhaps when you stopped your contact with him it hurt his ego. And this is his way of paying you back.

Try and stop obsessing about him OP because it sounds as though you were really sensible in your decision to try and move on from him.

IMO it is a mind game. He's trying to make you jealous, not because he wants you, but just to boost his ego. He wants you to pine for him because he's a narcissistic prick. I would just text him to say you wish no more communication from him in the future. If he violates that boundary, just block him. Why stay in contact with somebody there is no chance of a relationship with at all? You aren't friends, he's just some dude you dated a couple of times. So put an end to it.

Great advice from @Bekindtoyourselfandothers
OP, move onwards and upwards, there are better partners out there!

I briefly knew to someone who matches your description scarily accurately for a couple of months. I got really fed up of his games so ghosted him in the end after trying to let him go gently, but he liked the beach and sent me photos of his local one a fair few times. I’m wondering if it’s the same person 😂

Did his name begin with L by any chance? I suppose we’ll never really know if it’s the same one, but going by my experience, stop wasting your time, they’re looking to see how much shit you will tolerate and like the attention because they’re massively insecure, it’s not you! There’s loads of them out there! He was in his 30’s as well, it’s enough to make you want to give up 🤣

Save yourself the headache in future, if you delete a number - block it.

You won't have to second guess yourself or try to work out what he's doing. Block him and move on.

I had one of these 😂 he was a J though. Went on holiday with his DC and got back in touch after 2 years! Spent the week messaging me and talkies about meeting up. Then he got hoke and Radio silence... random text telling me he was going away with his partner 🙄

He sounds like a narcissist tbh. It's also possible that he was never actually single, hence the 'we' and the people less photos.

Also, normal people don't tell someone they are not interested in you and then keep on sending messages.

Block him now, don’t let him know you’re giving him any more headspace.

Oh that’s weird, no his name doesn’t start with L and he’s in his mid 40s.

Def not the same person but how strange that there are more of them out there, fucking with people’s heads in the exact same way 😂😭

I feel rude if I block someone who hasn’t harassed me or done anything nasty.

He hadn’t done anything wrong when I deleted his number, it was more for my own peace of mind. He wasn’t contacting me first so I just made sure I wouldn’t be able to give into temptation to message him.

But I guess I don’t owe him anything do I?

Hi. I’m Autistic too. While I get that you’re reluctant to block him, he is messing with your head. This is a boundary that you can set. You can even message him first if you want. Something like ‘This is situation isn’t healthy for either of us so I won’t be in touch again’ then block. You do it to put the boundary in place.

It's not rude to block him. It's fine to, because you don't owe him anything. This is a man who keeps his options open, and he thinks that you're an option for a quick shag should he want one, hence the child free on 2 weeks visit to the beach.

Fellow autistic here 😊

It’s not rude to block someone who has no place in your life and that you have no interest in communicating with.

Hes a game playing egomaniac- why would you want someone like that to have access to you?

By blocking you’re just closing the door - it’s perfectly justified.

Maybe he’s friend zoned you. Maybe he’s a bit bored. Maybe he likes the attention. Either way, he’s clearly on holiday with a girlfriend/partner, so in your shoes I’d just block and move on. He’s not going to come to your door and ask you to run off into the sunset with him, so you may as well cut your losses and move on. Life is too short to prioritise people who don’t prioritise you, so stop giving this eejit brain space.

Oh, I just remembered - I DID go to block him last night but then realised that WhatsApp keeps all blocked numbers in a viewable list where you can still see the name of each person and their photo 🤦‍♀️

And my reason for deleting him had been that I didn’t want to have access to his phone number anywhere. I know what I’m like and wanted to remove the temptation of ever being able to message him.

It’s annoying that WhatsApp does that. If it’s just a phone contact, you can block it and then delete it completely so there’s nothing to show you which number belongs to who in your list of blocked numbers.

But it is reassuring to hear that I wasn’t wrong in thinking his behaviour was strange and that he was deliberately playing games.

i always doubt my own judgement especially when people’s communication is confusing.

You can delete in WhatsApp after you e blocked. Just slide left on the chat, click on ‘More’ and you can delete the chat so he doesn’t show up.

Delete him as a contact on your phone as well then his name disappears too.

You can clear this man out of your life if you really want to.

It sounds to me that he's on holiday with his child, hence the "we."

Why else would he be paying school holiday prices? 😎

He’s not on holiday, he drove down there for the morning. And he said he’s going again the next time he’s child free, in 2 weeks time.

So heavy hint that he drove out of his way to see SOMEONE for just a few hours, it wasn’t with his children and he’s planning to do it again as soon as he’s able to.

Oh I see. Well you're right be cautious then x

Yes I know you can delete the chat.

And I know you can delete a contact from your phone.

But with WhatsApp, the name and picture shows up regardless of whether this person is in your phone contacts or not. Very frustrating.

I think I’m probably strong enough not to ever make contact again now though, even if WhatsApp makes it easy to retrieve his number.

It’s been very helpful having people confirm that he was messing with my head and I probably wasn’t misjudging an innocent message from him.

Oh god men like him are so tedious. Plenty of them around.
See this as your lucky escape!

He's disappointed you didn't give desperate chase to his lack of interest. He can't believe you'd just be like 'meh' and just get on with your life. Until you stopped the messaging he could tell himself you were probably pining for him. Now he realises youre not, he's trying to pique your curiosity, he wants you to say "Oh what made you go there?" "who's we?" Because then he gets to tell you about his new beau, to make you jealous or show you that you've been rejected, (then in his mental narrative you didn't just gracefully remove yourself with your self esteem intact like you actually did!)

Even if you did ask he would probably go all vague and weird because he enjoys thinking he knows something you don't know. He's messaging you whilst with another woman so he feels like he's tricking you and taking his power back.

Just block him and laugh to yourself. It's actually really pathetic.

They only show up if you actively look for them so that’s your answer - block, delete all chats and don’t seek him out.