Keeping expectations real...

[thegoatest]

I hope to meet a lovely man, a companion of sorts.
I have been advised , with love, to keep my expectations real.
My expectations are that he will be emotionally mature, kind, compassionate, trustworthy, loyal, hardworking, a family and friend man, intelligent, socially intelligent, believes in equality, humorous, solvent, an excellent father , son and brother , tall, handsome and fresh for his age ie 45+.
Surely this is basic?

There isn't anything wrong with your list, I have most of them too but they are needle in a haystack and a lot of those things are subjective.

For example there is "solvent" as in they can support themselves and run their own place, but there is also having a similar lifestyle to you and being able to share/pay for those things 50/50 and not expecting one partner to pick up the tab on everything.

Wouldn't hold out for 'fresh for his age' at 45 either. From what I've seen, hardly any men are still that by 38. They don't seem to take care of themselves.

I met one of these online. He is wonderful, but I had to metaphorically kiss A LOT of frogs before finding my Prince. There were a few just awful human beings (one in particular told me that what I was wearing (jeans and a top) was inappropriate - we were on a lunch date at a Turtle Bay, not The Ritz. He complained about his ex wife the whole way through, insisted on getting the bill and then complained that I didn’t offer to pay even though I did say ‘Let’s split it’ and he refused. Dreadful man. Another one (ex army) told me how his ex had cleared every trace of her belongings out of the house while he was out one day and had gone into hiding!

There were a few incels that were little more than sentient meat desperate for a shag, and a few nice ones with whom had absolutely nothing in common.

So have fun dating and good luck!

I never have long lists of expectations like that. You can exclude a really good guy like that. I either like them or I don't.
It's a bit like men who are looks obsessed.

It’s going to be difficult IMO, but not impossible. Of course standards shouldn’t be lowered in terms of them being a nice person, solvent and fun to be around etc. but there are a good few decent blokes below 6ft or whatever “tall” is or not typically handsome. I’m just trying to illustrate if I had insisted on having someone tall, I would have missed out on a bloody wonderful man who makes me very happy.

After many frogs my requirements were kindness and honesty, and t's worked out brilliantly.

When I met my DP (online) he was rebuilding his life after an injury for which COVID had repeatedly delayed the operation. His finances were in tatters, his living arrangements were temporary, he had lost an excellent job, his health wasn't what it was. But he was so kind and genuine - just a lovely, lovely man. I thought we could have a good life together.

If I'd had your list I wouldn't be with him today... But he's now got a great job again, walks 10+ miles a day, we're financially very comfortable and expecting our first child. I couldn't be happier.

OP if there are men of that age and of that quality then it is likely they have their pick of women including women 10 -15 years younger than them. Out of men like this who happen to be available and available to you, in your area only a small percentage will be looking at women their own age sadly.

Men satisfying your list are busy being attached because no woman would let go of someone who has all that. However, on rare occasions they do find themselves free, they'd be snapped up rapidly. So the chances of finding such fine specimens is minimal.
Older men are single for a reason, there often is something about them you'd have to decide upon if it's compromisable. The key is to compromise on things that have minimal impact on your life only.

Yes it's pretty depressing. If you work out in the gym it widens the net but then you're into more shallow territory. No idea what the answer is. Find someone you like and see what happens.