Kissed someone

[Strawberry000]

been in a 8 year relationship , having issues for 6 months. Got very ^^drunk the other weekend and kissed someone random in a bar, I have never done this before . Thought me and bf were breaking up , now I’m not sure if it’s what I want. I’m so confused . If I tell him he will leave me ,but I feel awful . Have a 1 year old for context .

Just forget about it. Well that’s what I’d do anyway.

I would tell him. It’s his choice what to do from that point. You made your choice, now you have to let him make his.

I'd be keeping quiet. What he doesnt know cant hurt him.

A drunken kiss with a stranger? I wouldn't say anything unless I thought it would get back to him

It's only a kiss. Don't tell him but think about what triggered it and whether you actually want to be with him.

I think some pp are displaying the famous MN double standards: minimising the kiss and saying don't tell whereas if it was a guy kissing someone in a pub there would be outrage.

I think you should tell your partner and let him decide how important it is to him. What's the point in a relationship if you aren't being honest with each other?

No need to say anything. It's a symptom of your issues. Decide if you still want this relationship.

Totally agree! Wonder if any of these are the same posters who’d be screaming to LTB if it was a woman posting that her husband had kissed someone.

Absolute joke. Tell him, let him decide what to do with that information.

I was going to say the same thing!

Guy kisses a girl whilst drunk - Dump the piece of sh1t.
Girl does the same - What he doesn't know won't hurt him.

I was told by a good friend when I was younger, when you are intoxicated, your thoughts and feelings don't change, you just do things with less conscience whilst drunk that you might not do whilst sober.

If you cheat on a partner whilst drunk, it is not because you are drunk, it's because there are underlying issues within the relationship.

Just forget about it, what he doesn't know won't hurt him but if you ever find out he has done the same then dump the cheating cunt because that's how it works on here apparently

Forget the kiss...it sounds like a meaningless drunken mistake. Fwiw, I'd say exactly the same to a man. If my dh drunkenly kissed someone and regretted it, I'd genuinely rather not know.

Focus on your relationship. What do you want? To stay and work on it or would you be happier if you split?

It was only a drunken kiss. Nobody in their right mind would own up to that especially with a random guy that isn't going to appear and let the cat out the bag. As for double standards, im sure plenty men do it as well but they're less good at avoiding getting caught.

I did this once too. Had a lot at stake to lose if I told him, ( v long relationship, 3 kids) and it could have gone that way, we could have ended. A very close friend begged me practically to NOT tell him. I told him. Being honest seemed 'right' . It was awful for some time, some time. Its now better than ever, years on though.It highlighted an area of growth that WE BOTH needed to overcome. Trust has developed. I learnt from my mistake and haven't repeated it or wanted to. I told my kids too. I still stand by my decision. BUT I wouldn't tell you to do the same, thats on you. My num 1 value, is honesty. It could have cost the relationship...I was prepared for it, living a lie was NO relationship as an alternative to me. I would have wanted to know if he had done the same. Gd luck with your decision

You've already said there are issues.
I think the fact you kissed someone else speaks volumes.
I was in a similar situation once. Bf wasn't the right one for me or I wouldn't have done it.
Think how best to move forward.

Really?
So what if he drunkly has sex with someone but regrets it you would be OK with that so long as you didn't find out?

This. 👍

It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss.

Well if it's " only" a kiss there shouldn't be any problem with OP telling her partner then should there?

Drunken snog when you have a child and have beeh having a rocky 6 months? Don't say anything. Wake up, reflect hard, decide what you really want and take the feelings.of guilt as your just desserts. Don't do it again.

No, i's not ok, it's symptomatic of the issues. I'd say the same to a man, but it's a drunken kiss that shouldn't have happened. It's about perspective. I think it will create a lot of mess and hurt when actually I think you pulled it back before going too far as a one off and it's salvageable.

That's not what we're talking about though.

The op kissed someone. That's it. It's nothing

I would tell him. Ask yourself how you'd feel if you found out he'd done the same thing and kept it secret. If the trust is gone, the relationship is dead. He might never find out, but it will eat away at you.

How can you really address the issues you've been having if you don't tell him? As much as it was a drunk mistake with a random stranger, it didn't come out of nowhere - its a symptom of something larger. Pretending it didn't happen helps nobody.

If he can see how remorseful you are and knows it really didn't mean anything, he might very well be willing to work through it. Or he might be heartbroken and want to end it. Or, he might come clean and confess he's done the same! But you won't know if you don't address it. At least if you have the conversation you'll both be forced to really consider what you actually want, which at the moment you seem very confused by.

Well you might think it's nothing.

But OP's partner should have the right to decide whether he thinks it's nothing.

If OP thought it was nothing she wouldn't have started this thread about it would she?

I think a great many people in a committed relationship regard kissing another person in a bar a betrayal of their relationship to some extent. Perhaps you and other pp on this thread are happy for your partners to kiss strangers in bars but a lot aren't.

I don't love making an argument for keeping a kiss with a third party to yourself. However if OP wants to continue in the relationship and repair it after much reflection, I believe she can identify at least part of what's wrong from her perspective and present those points for addressing (with the help of a counsellor preferably) without the added disruption and pain of making that third party known. If it was anything more, no. But a kiss, think she can take as a catalyst and move on from knowing she didn't take it any further. Not saying she should do it again, I just don't think owning up is the most proportionate thing to do in this particular instance.

What I'm saying is I think the outcome will be disproportionate to the act as feelings are high. In principle that sounds wrong, I get it. But they've got a long relationship that's going through a tough patch. If the snog was meaningless and OP feels remorse, I don't know if it's worth burning the house down over. It all seems situational.

I wouldn't be happy...but if they instantly regretted it and that's all it was, I wouldn't throw away a long relationship especially if there are kids involved over it. Knowing would only cause me upset. If it's not going to happen again then it's not worth the heartache.