Never see man without dc

[SighOSigh]

I’m in mid fifties. Divorced. Every second weekend and holidays child free. DC late teens. Started seeing DP two years ago. He was a single parent but his dc saw their mum and family. He told me he could drive. He doesn’t.

Fast forward. The mum is now off the scene and refusing to have the child. The family don’t have the dc. I feel really sorry for the child but I do not want to take on another preteen. I’ve done my child raising, including an adopted child. I never see my DP without DCs now. It’s not working for me. I need to end it but struggling.

Help me with the courage to end it? He will be devastated. It worries me

Just text him. We need to talk. Shall I come over tonight when dc is in bed?

FWIW, I don't think you're in love with him - I think you're fond of him, care about him etc, but I think that when this is done you are going to feel relieved.

Charming men get away with a lot - look at Boris Johnson! Charisma definitely gets you places! But your dp shouldn't get his dream life at the expense of yours. You really do need to find your anger - I can't believe he's made no effort to spend time alone with you and has just assumed you'll happily step in to parent his child. That's so outrageously entitled and selfish.

I think women get to a point where we are fed up of having to put other people's needs ahead of our own - we do it for our own children but at some point the world has to recognise that we are people in our own right, with dreams and ambitions and we have a right to live those dreams. We don't exist just as other people's support humans!

I think that if you can't even get time alone with him for a conversation, you definitely aren't going to get the life you want - call me hard but I'd ring him and have this conversation over the phone if he has no time to see you!

OP
Just live your life normally. And don't meet up with him till he can give you some time by yourselves.

You can leave the relationship for any number of reasons

Clearly, this relationship is not working for you & you are unhappy

What is stopping you from walking away ?

Put yourself first & walk away

I think it’s hard to understand until you reach late 40s early 50s. Your “awww let me help you” feelings drain away. Honestly hell would freeze over before taking on responsibilities for another child. I’ve been putting others first since 2007 which is as it should be but like hell am extending that time period.

At nearly 60 I am struggling with the will to parent and support my own children.
I am tired and long for space, peace and quiet and I have largely have really good kids.

I cannot fathom parenting other children at this stage, really can't fathom it.

I'm not alone in this, my friends 100% feel the same.

As woman age, the bank of empathy runs dry.

OP, listen to your own needs and answer them.

Thank you. This is really interesting. I don’t even feel guilty about not wanting to parent, it must be this shift with age.

I am even fairly hands off with my own teen: we coexist happily, but moving towards independence for both of us.

I’d love to share my life (well, nights out, sex, and holidays!) with someone. But I’d rather be alone than permanently frustrated by someone else

He is really at a different stage of life from you, isn't he? Have you managed to arrange a chat yet?

He is. And different parenting style.

im going to speak to him next well after the schools go back

I hate all this 🙈

My dp is at a different life stage. I do find it tough but thankfully it’s mainly holidays and eow. Luckily we still live separately( well till next year lol) so we’ll do something together with his dc and my younger dc but not every weekend when we have our kids . However, I stay as we get 2 child free weekends a month plus weeknights so we can date, have intimacy and get to relax. So yes I hear you, We’ve done our time in the trenches! It’s unfortunate but I sense you’ve fallen out of love with him anyway and understandable if he’s never child free. Would have been good for him to get a baby sitter once in a while and take you out on a date: You deserve a lot more!

I’m glad it’s working for you @DoesthislookgoodOnMe . That arrangement would suit me well!