Do you think women should put themselves last if they have children?

[Onemoretimeround]

So my sister in law called my mum self-centred the other day for 'doing what she wants'. By that she means she does what she wants in her life, and pleases herself. But she isn't a selfish person, a great mum (who left my dad because she wasn't happy) and warm, giving person.
My sister in law says she's bottom of the list in her family - and puts herself there, as that's what you have to do as a mum. You 'can't put yourself first' if you're a mum. She doesn't work and cares for my brother (the money provider) and two girls.
I don't agree with this outlook, as it seems to feed into women having to be selfless and always be the caregiver, but what do you think?

I put myself last (kids first then dh then me) but that's not to say I don't take care of myself at all. I actually take good care of myself - I factor in exercise time twice a week and really prioritise that. I have an evening to myself every evening and I treat myself every Sunday - chocolate, nails done etc. It works for me and I'm certainly not a martyr.

Last doesn't ALWAYS equal bad / not enough.

In the sense that if there's not enough food I'll feed my kids first, sure. But it's equally true that you must put on your own oxygen mask before helping others, and that includes your children.
SIL sounds like a bit of a marty who wants everyone to see how saintly and selfless she is.

No.

I grew up with a mother like this. She was a miserable, unpredictable, violent nutcase. Ignoring your own needs, hopes, dreams and aspirations cannot be healthy. You will end up resentful, angry and ill. It also sets a terrible precedent for any children you have and robs other members of your family of the chance to step up and grow as useful humans.

Your kids and partner need to know that you are human and have human needs and wants that should be respected.

I got into the habit of putting myself last when I was a single mum because there literally wasn’t enough time or money for everyone to have everything, so I always made sure the DDs had everything they needed first, then treats and activities etc. We’re in a different situation now but the mindset is difficult to change and I have trouble buying myself things or spending time on anything just because I enjoy it. I now have a motorbike and feel guilty because if anything happened to me, it would be my fault for having the bike in the first place and I’m actually thinking of selling it because I can never really enjoy it.

No I'm just as important in my house as the kids… the mothers I know with grown children who martyred themselves are now resentful after all the years they put themself last and now have little in the way of hobbies/career/friendships.

My MIL puts her boys on a pedestal and it infuriates me, she won’t eat her own food until they’ve had seconds and I know she thinks I should do the same now I’m also a mother 🤯

Do you think women should put themselves last if they have children?

No. Who is priority in a family rotates according to who needs the most support at the time. This shifts as often as several times an hour. Everyone is equal and it’s needs based.

I dont have kids but my sister has and she always put her son first he was her priority above anything else.
Hes now 22 and my sister turned 40 last week and for the past few years its been all about her shes earned it got her freedom back and living it to the full.