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Original poster

What does ‘we’re seeing how it goes’ mean

28 replies

tallulahbriant · 05/08/2024 13:58

I met a man 3 weeks ago at my friends birthday.

i am 28 and he’s 31. He just got out of an 8 year relationship, 4/5 months ago but was trying to end it for a long time.

We get on very very well and he said I’m the best looking girl he’s ever been on dates with. I’m concerned this is why he’s hanging out with me.

our dates have consisted of drinks and recently because we have just wanted to relax a lot of walks.

we have kissed but nothing else.

When I was drunk the other night I said so what’s going on! And he said we’re seeing how it’s going! Is that a bad thing?

his friend also said to me whilst she was drunk that she think it’s right person wrong time but also if we take it very slow it might be fine - although he’s never said this to me/she said that’s just her opinion.

I don’t want to get hurt - that’s all

OP posts:
MitskiMoo · 05/08/2024 14:00

I agree with the friend. Take it very slowly.

FawnFrenchieMum · 05/08/2024 14:02

It’s exactly what he said, seeing how it goes. Not rushing into things, not becoming a solid relationship. Enjoying hanging out and seeing what happens.

SunOnTheRiver · 05/08/2024 14:05

I’m confused about where you would expect or hope to be in a relationship after 3 weeks?

SamW98 · 05/08/2024 14:07

He’s only recently come out of a long term relationship so it’s very unlikely he’s in the right headspace to get into anything heavy right now.

It’s up to you whether you’re happy to take it very slow until he’s ready but there’s a chance you could be a rebound. No one knows not even him probably

Pennyandolive · 05/08/2024 14:08

I think this is a very responsible and fair comment after 3 weeks.

Pinkbonbon · 05/08/2024 14:09

Tbh he's probably not still going to be around in a month or two anyway, just because let's be honest 80% of things don't make it past that, provided you choose healthy relationships that is.

Its 3 weeks in. That IS just 'bit of fun and dating' territory.

A word of caution, regarding any man who just a few weeks in, is oversharing shit about having wanted to leave his ex for a while before he did. Or, anything that 'deep'. Beware love bombing men and especially those who literally tell you they didn't take responsibility in their own life for years.

Right person wrong time? Load of guff. You barely know him.

Bobbotgegrinch · 05/08/2024 14:21

You're only three weeks in! If someone asked me the "Where is this going?" question at that point I'd be running an absolute mile!

At 3 weeks in you should both be "seeing how its going." Hell, at 3 months in you should still be doing the same.

Pannyfrants · 05/08/2024 14:39

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Previously banned poster.

VaddaABeetch · 05/08/2024 14:42

The He was trying to end for ages would have me binning him. If he wanted to end it why didn’t he end it? If he weak & helpless, trapped by an evil woman? What does he think you can do with this information?

Watchkeys · 05/08/2024 16:16

I don’t want to get hurt - that’s all

If you need to ask him, ask him. A forum can't help you to know what an individual means by a comment.

A compatible partner will be someone you can ask what you need to ask, when you need to ask it. If you don't feel as safe and comfortable as you need to, and you can't find a way to without asking a bunch of strangers, this probably isn't for you.

'Not getting hurt' doesn't mean knowing what people are going to do/say/feel. It means that regardless of what they do/say/feel, you've got your own back, sufficiently that you can cope if anybody does turn out to be hurtful.

Givemegoldensun · 05/08/2024 19:57

You seem quite young for your age- do you have much relationship experience? I’m not meaning to be patronising but you come across as a little naive. From my perspective a few things stand out:

  1. You’ve only known him 3 weeks. How many times have you actually met him?
  2. You haven’t slept with him.
  3. He said you’re the best looking girl he has dated- you seem to have taken this to heart. It very well could be true. It also could be a line/ way to distract from the fact that he isn’t ready for a relationship/ way to rectify point number 2 and flatter you in to sleeping with him. Also please note that finding someone good looking does not always equate to having feelings for them.
  4. How do you actually feel about him? You seem to mostly be pontificating about how he feels about you.
  5. Most importantly… what do you want and can/will he offer it to you? Otherwise this whole situation is futile.
DecoratingDiva · 08/08/2024 22:45

Keep it casual & have some fun, 3 weeks in is way too soon to be thinking where is this going?

I agree with others, the “trying to end it for ages” and “you’re the best looking girl etc” would make me a little wary.

And keep you eye on his friend! She may be being protective of him for any number of reasons.

Noseybookworm · 08/08/2024 23:03

After 3 weeks you don't really know him at all, you're still in the getting to know each other phase. What did you want to know when you asked him what's going on? He is fresh out of a long relationship so I would be very very cautious. He is unlikely to be ready for a serious relationship for a good while.

AnotherEmma · 08/08/2024 23:14

Does he have any children from his previous relationship?

Either way, I agree with PPs, it's really soon after his break up. Take it very slow.

DaisyChain505 · 08/08/2024 23:16

This man has just got out of a long term relationship so he has healing and growing to do.

You’ve been seeing each other for three weeks. No wonder he doesn’t want to commit to anything.

relax.

Dery · 08/08/2024 23:18

As PP said, what he has said is completely appropriate at 3 weeks.

And look, no-one wants to get hurt. But there are no guarantees, ever. The only way to be sure of never getting hurt is never to have a relationship. Surely that wouldn’t be preferable!?

What you can do is to ensure that you maintain other things in your life in addition to your relationship. Friends. Other interests. Work. Study etc. That way, you’ve always got lots else to focus on if you do suffer a romantic disappointment.

suburberphobe · 08/08/2024 23:23

^He just got out of an 8 year relationship, 4/5 months ago but was trying to end it for a long time.

We get on very very well and he said I’m the best looking girl he’s ever been on dates with.^

I would be very wary. He's looking for another skivvie.

Salarygoals · 08/08/2024 23:44

What grates is that he spoke for you and said we are seeing how it goes.

Willwetalk · 09/08/2024 07:51

SunOnTheRiver · 05/08/2024 14:05

I’m confused about where you would expect or hope to be in a relationship after 3 weeks?

This.

Damselindistres · 09/08/2024 07:55

That's a hefty relationship and taking it slow is the correct thing. You wanna make sure he's definitely over his ex (I know this is hard to hear!) but take it slow get to know him and make sure he is who he says he is & not a pleb! You're in no rush. You're a prize you're a queen don't settle and don't forget YOU are seeing how it goes also. Good luck hun xx

User364837 · 09/08/2024 07:56

You’re seeing each other, dating.
i think if you want a long term relationship it’s probably not going to be a good match as having just got out of one he’s likely to want/need some time just being casual, or exploring his new found freedom. And the friend’s comment backs that up. So if you’re ok with that and can bear that in mind then enjoy it for now and “just see how it goes!”

if you know you want something more and you fall easily and casual isn’t for you then probably best to move on now.

id also feel icky about someone complimenting me on being the “best looking person” they’d ever dated (not that anyone could ever say that I’m sure 🤣) as it sounds very superficial

Zanatdy · 09/08/2024 07:58

At 3ams in it would be odd if it was anything else but seeing how it goes. Just take things slowly, if he’s still saying the same in a few months then reconsider. You don’t want to get hurt but there’s always a risk of that when dating, it’s a risk you take

Busynana2024 · 09/08/2024 08:08

Considering him trying to end it for ages! I know a close family relation who would end it yesterday but cant because they are afraid of what the partner threatens to do, its an awful situation,but it is what it is!
Good that he got out!
Id say just go with the flow enjoy it for what it is!

Victoriancat · 09/08/2024 09:03

Yikes it's been 3 weeks and he's just recently come out a long relationship, cool your jets and don't be too keen.

psychoactivevegitable · 09/08/2024 09:46

At 28 I would be careful about who you spend your time on. If you think he's worth it see how it stands at the end of the year (if it lasts that long) but I wouldn't drag this in to 2025 and tbh I'd be dating other people mad keeping my options open. You don't want to look back in 10 years and realise you wasted prime years on someone that wasn't suitable.