Am I wrong to be disappointed?

[bookishmumof5]

Hello, looking for outside opinions please. I've been seeing a guy for about 6 weeks now. It's going very well, but I'm very aware that it's very very new still. Anyway, it's my birthday on Friday. I mentioned it to him a week or so ago and he immediately said that we should go for dinner and to a hotel for the night, said that he would make arrangements etc. He sent me texts asking for info on what would make it perfect, the kind of place I'd like to go and said he'd take care of it all. I was very excited, because I really don't get out much (I haven't been away for the night in 15 years!) and it sounded like a really nice treat- I made arrangements for my sister to have my kids overnight etc.

Fast forward to a couple of days ago, and he casually mentioned he was thinking instead we should just spend the night at his flat instead as it will be cheaper. I'm not materialistic in the slightest and don't need a lot of expensive things to make me happy, but I can't help but be disappointed that he suggested a nice night out and a hotel and has now seemingly changed his mind about it. I didn't say anything to him and just agreed, but I'm a bit sad because I was looking forward to it. Am I being unreasonable? I'm worried if I mention it to him that I'll seem like I'm expecting him to be spending a fortune on me etc. In reality I wouldn't have even thought of it if he hadn't suggested it. I can't decide whether to bring it up or just deal with feeling disappointed, especially as it's such a new thing. I want to manage my expectations. I'm also toying with just booking a hotel myself, but I can't decide how I feel about that either.

Opinions? Thank you in advance.

Honestly I think it's ok to have high expectations of someone in a relationship, this is someone you're presumably hoping to spend a large portion of your life with. At 6 weeks making grand promises, hyping you up for a really lovely night out, and then flaking and suggesting a night at a bar and night in where you will be the one deciding if you're eating in or out would be a no from me.

It's a poor show from him, especially at 39 when one would expect him to have some idea of the costs of a hotel and night out before jazzing you up for one only to let you down. Not necessarily saying that there should be an expectation of grand gestures, I'm sure if he'd suggested the current plan initially you'd not be disappointed at all, but an expectation that they not be flakey, lazy and stupid is fair enough.

All talk and no pork.

Ok to pull it back if an unexpected cost had come up but not to set the stage for really spoiling you, then pulling it back to a bar you already know and meh, whatever, dinner at home if you want. The bar you met at isn't really an effort after 6 weeks, it's just not bothering to think of something. Again, fine if it had been low key all along. 6 weeks is very new. It's the whipping up excitement first.

I'd be put off and see if my sis and kids wanted to celebrate instead. I don't mind a modest celebration but I don't like billy bullshitters

Ugh, nah sack him off.

He's managing down your expectations. At best.

As worst it's part of a sinister thing some types do when they build up your excitement for something then whip it out from under you in order to break your spirit.

At 6 weeks I wouldn't have expected a fancy trio but this guy not only suggested it, he asked you exactly what you wanted, got you looking forwards to it, then canceled the hotel idea AND the dinner?

Fuck that. He's a douchebqg.

Hang on, he’s not even taking you out for dinner?

He should at least be doing that, with no ‘it’s up to you’ comment.

I would not accept a huge gesture like a hotel and dinner out after just 6 weeks personally but he should be taking you out for a bite to eat.

I’d find it hugely off putting that he asked you exactly what you would like etc and then flake out - I’d feel embarrassed & played.

I would not be going to his house for my birthday and if he was making dinner out an option I’d make other plans.

Yes he sounds unreliable but I think you should have spoken up or if you hadn’t already offered to split the cost. If not go out with your friends!

I would do this. Don’t spend your birthday with someone who either can’t be arsed organising anything for you but still wants you to come over for sex, or who was hoping you would book and pay for the hotel anyway (as you would be disappointed) so he’ll get sex but in a nice hotel he didn’t pay for.

Also, I would get rid. He should be still trying to impress you at the moment and if he CBA he doesn’t care that much.

Can you go out for a meal with sister and the DC instead?

💐