Am I wrong to be disappointed?

[bookishmumof5]

Hello, looking for outside opinions please. I've been seeing a guy for about 6 weeks now. It's going very well, but I'm very aware that it's very very new still. Anyway, it's my birthday on Friday. I mentioned it to him a week or so ago and he immediately said that we should go for dinner and to a hotel for the night, said that he would make arrangements etc. He sent me texts asking for info on what would make it perfect, the kind of place I'd like to go and said he'd take care of it all. I was very excited, because I really don't get out much (I haven't been away for the night in 15 years!) and it sounded like a really nice treat- I made arrangements for my sister to have my kids overnight etc.

Fast forward to a couple of days ago, and he casually mentioned he was thinking instead we should just spend the night at his flat instead as it will be cheaper. I'm not materialistic in the slightest and don't need a lot of expensive things to make me happy, but I can't help but be disappointed that he suggested a nice night out and a hotel and has now seemingly changed his mind about it. I didn't say anything to him and just agreed, but I'm a bit sad because I was looking forward to it. Am I being unreasonable? I'm worried if I mention it to him that I'll seem like I'm expecting him to be spending a fortune on me etc. In reality I wouldn't have even thought of it if he hadn't suggested it. I can't decide whether to bring it up or just deal with feeling disappointed, especially as it's such a new thing. I want to manage my expectations. I'm also toying with just booking a hotel myself, but I can't decide how I feel about that either.

Opinions? Thank you in advance.

I'm surprised he is promising you thinks he can't deliver. That would put me off to be honest. How old is he?

• things Sorry for the typo

He's 39

He’s far too old to be making false promises then expecting you to settle for zero effort.

Seems he wants to talk the talk but not walk the walk

He's gone from way too much to too little. Love bombing to can't even book dinner. Neither are good signs. Unless he's very young I would expect him to know what's affordable to him, what he's willing to spend and not make grand (for such an early relationship) gestures he has no intention of following through. Did he change his plans after you told him you had childcare sorted? It feels like he's said this to suck you in then when he knew you'd committed to staying the night with him he suddenly can't even be bothered to book a meal. I'd be using my night off to do something that didn't involve him.

That’s not nice!
Getting you all excited about a nice night away to change it to staying in with a scabby meal at his flat.
Hes a faker and tight. Honestly, I would get rid of him.
Can you arrange a fun night out with some friends instead.

He’s a back tracking cheap skate. He’ll always be a disappointment to you.

When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

Get yourself out with your mates for a proper celebration.

Why can't he take you out for dinner rather than just going to his flat? Fair enough, a night in a hotel is a big expense after just 6 weeks but not to go out at all is a bit tight.

A stayover in his flat is hardly a birthday treat 🙄

Sounds like he's all talk talk talk . He could have done some research first before making promises.

He's all talk, isn't he?

"Oh let's stay in a lovely hotel - you choose what kind of place you'd like to stay at."
"Sorry, changed my mind, you can stay at mine instead."

"Oh let's eat out - what would you like to eat?"
"I was thinking, we could eat at mine instead."

So basically you're going to end up with a Chinese takeaway at his house.

I would be disappointed by this, and the fact that he hasn't come back with "look, I know I suggested we go to a hotel but I've been looking at the options and I'm just a bit concerned about the cost - I understand that this is disappointing and I'm sorry, how can we still make it special?" makes me wonder if he's really considering your feelings.

If I were you I would raise it and explain how you feel and that it's not about money just about expectations and communication. Surely if you're not going to the hotel he could at least suggest a really nice dinner?

Ditch him. Lazy and full of shit. You've got childcare so book a hotel and have a night out with a friend instead.

I can imagine he will strop and call you grabby if you seem unhappy with his burnt offerings of tea in his flat..

Ugh. No.

He's one of life's bullshitters and liars. Bigs himself up but then gives you shit, either present wise or attitude wise for daring to want to be treated as a human being. I suspect he will erode your self esteem and confidence if you decide to continue with him. If you doubt me I can highly recommend you try reading the other threads on the rest of the Relationship board, there's loads of men like him (unfortunately).

You've discovered early on that he's a 'Future Faker' - or as they used to say 'all mouth and no trousers'.

He can talk a good game, but can't actually deliver. He may genuinely believe as the words are coming out of his mouth that he means what he says, but it's wishful thinking out loud. Then afterwards reality gets in the way...

Additionally, I'd feel so insulted if a boyfriend said 'nah, let's do this instead, it's cheaper' on what should be a special occasion, like a birthday...especially if it was his fucking idea in the first place!

I would be saying 'No thanks' and be finding a better way to spend my free evening.

Nah to me that's a huge red flag. They type of shit narcissists pull.
He got your hopes up then said that. I would not be happy with it and he shouldn't have offered. A hotel is £100 hardly going to break the bank. I've booked hotels for hook ups off fab swingers 🙄

No way. He’s too old to not be able to sort this out. Either go in with a reasonable offer of a pub meal and a nice walk with an Ice cream or a few drinks or don’t do anything.

I would be wary of someone like that.
He has gone from a dinner and hotel away to eating and staying at home and a few drinks.
He had no need to suggest anything but has really messed you around.

Would give me the ick.
Be wary OP.

A future faking liar bullshitter.
Don't waste your time getting invested.
He's shown you your future.

Thank you for the opinions. I will probably mention it to him and just say that I wish he hadn't set the expectation...I don't need a big fuss but it's not nice thinking someone wants to make a big deal and then feeling like they've changed their minds.

I'm going to organise a picnic with my kids for the daytime and make sure I get my own cake - I'd suggested to him (when he asked) that cake would be really nice as I've never had a birthday cake that I didn't have to get myself. But I'd rather do it myself than end up disappointed. Sadly I do not have a single friend that I could spend the evening with lol. I'm new to the area and have just moved home from Canada - the only other person I could hang out with is my sister who is having my kids 🙃

Hang out with your sister, then! Get a cake and have a little party with her and your kids. Don't waste your time with this man and his bullshit 'plans'. Have a lovely birthday celebration with the people who care about you.

Maybe join some local groups to make friends, rather than dating? If you have some hobbies, that's a great way to meet people and build a social circle.

I'm sorry to say but I think this is a sneak peek into the future of you being promised the earth and then being let down by this man

My husband has always been like this - makes amazing suggestions and then always, always backs out. I know now not to pay attention to his ideas and I always “call him out” on it now. I’ve told him not to bother suggesting stuff if he doesn’t actually mean it.

He’s not a bad person, he just doesn’t think things through.

Don’t set yourself up for a lifetime of disappointments. It’s hard to know as it’s so early if this is just a one off with him or a pattern.

Sounds like he's a "future faker" type. I expect a lot more grandiose plans in your future, followed by disappointment.

And I would not be staying over at some near-stranger's home, either. After only six weeks?

I would spend the evening with my sister, children and make a little evening.

My children always loved MY birthday and wanted all the trimings of a lovely meal, special deserts etc....that I prepare🙄😁. I am not a birthday person, neither is my husband but I have gone along with it for them.

I would assert myself if I were you and spend it with family.

Don't reward him by spending time with him after such future faking bullshit.

An honest honourable man doesn't behave like this, they have more self respect.

After 6 weeks, simply saying "we must go for a bite to eat on me"...would have been more than sufficient IMO.
But no, his go to is a load of bullshit.

He sounds a bit dim.
Sorry OP to be so blunt.
Be wary.