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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Are you best friends with your partner?

31 replies

Fedup45 · 04/08/2024 00:05

Hi. I just wondered how many of you here would say your partner is your best friend? Quite a lot of happily married people I know say this and I'd love to have that kind of relationship myself. At the moment I'm very unhappily married and I wouldn't even say we are friends but I am seriously considering splitting.
I'd love to find someone in the future who was my best friend as well as a supportive, loving partner.

OP posts:
heartofgold8046 · 04/08/2024 00:09

Fedup45 · 04/08/2024 00:05

Hi. I just wondered how many of you here would say your partner is your best friend? Quite a lot of happily married people I know say this and I'd love to have that kind of relationship myself. At the moment I'm very unhappily married and I wouldn't even say we are friends but I am seriously considering splitting.
I'd love to find someone in the future who was my best friend as well as a supportive, loving partner.

I know exactly how you feel. I am very unhappy

Original poster
Fedup45 · 04/08/2024 00:14

heartofgold8046 · 04/08/2024 00:09

I know exactly how you feel. I am very unhappy

Show quote history

Sorry to hear you're very unhappy too.
When I see/hear people talking about their partner in such a positive way and see their closeness I can't help but feel very envious- my marriage is awful and I'm only staying at the moment because of the children/family

OP posts:
heartofgold8046 · 04/08/2024 00:15

Fedup45 · 04/08/2024 00:14

Sorry to hear you're very unhappy too.
When I see/hear people talking about their partner in such a positive way and see their closeness I can't help but feel very envious- my marriage is awful and I'm only staying at the moment because of the children/family

Show quote history

You shouldn't have to stay unless your heart is in it

Purplebiscuitwithsprinkles · 04/08/2024 00:17

Sorry to hear this OP, have you tried couples counselling?

I would definitely say my partner is my best friend. We've been together a long time. I think a big part of it is we talk about everything even when it's uncomfortable. We ditches stuff if we're upset we talk it through...that's been key for us.

I hope things work out for you Flowers

Bluebonnet100 · 04/08/2024 00:18

Yes, best friend for 50 years.

I truly hope you can find someone with which you will have that connection.

Purplebiscuitwithsprinkles · 04/08/2024 00:19

Not sure why it says ditches 🙄

coldcallerbaiter · 04/08/2024 00:24

Mine probably is but I do think it sets you up for disappointment and heartbreak as well. Maybe it is better to have a bit of a protective wall.

Shineo · 04/08/2024 00:31

No. My best friends date back to my school days.

Junebughustle · 04/08/2024 00:48

My DH is absolutely my best friend, and after experiencing this, I'd not be able to settle for anything less. I really do hope you find that sort of a connection, you deserve it.

GreenIvyy · 04/08/2024 00:50

When i think of best friend, my first thought are my girl friends not my STBXH. Weve never been BFs really looking back

WearyAuldWumman · 04/08/2024 00:53

My late husband was my best friend, yes. We were pals before we became more than that. Married 27 yrs, but i'd known him for about 9 yrs before we got engaged.

Miss the auld bugger every day of my life.

Someone asked if I was my soulmate and seemed surprised that I didn't confirm that he was. We were very different people, but he was my very best friend and the love of my life. He was very unwell for the last 12 years, but he always had my back.

WearyAuldWumman · 04/08/2024 00:56

Had a conversation with a pal who's also a widow. We get folk querying why we don't get another man. (There are old blokes out there who would be willing, believe it or not....DH's ex is currently with her 4th man if you count DH as her first. 3 and 4 were widowers.)

As my pal said, her husband was ill and an auld mannie at the end, but she's not interested in getting an another auld man - the only auld man she wants is her late husband.

Mawface · 04/08/2024 01:00

WearyAuldWumman · 04/08/2024 00:53

My late husband was my best friend, yes. We were pals before we became more than that. Married 27 yrs, but i'd known him for about 9 yrs before we got engaged.

Miss the auld bugger every day of my life.

Someone asked if I was my soulmate and seemed surprised that I didn't confirm that he was. We were very different people, but he was my very best friend and the love of my life. He was very unwell for the last 12 years, but he always had my back.

This is so lovely ❤️ sorry for your loss

SnowFrogJelly · 04/08/2024 01:12

Sorry to hear you're very unhappy too.
When I see/hear people talking about their partner in such a positive way and see their closeness I can't help but feel very envious- my marriage is awful and I'm only staying at moment because of the children/family

Don't stay for the children.. if you are unhappy then leave

PinkSunsetSky · 04/08/2024 01:18

Yes in the fact that he is the most dependable , reliable , supportive , non judgmental person in my life .
We are extreme opposites , but it works.
I suppose it’s the ying yang thing ?
I have female friends too that I am v open and honest with but yes if I was asked my partner is my best friend .
I think it comes down to , we love each other no matter what our quirks are ? Both tolerate and ignore each others hobbies 😆
As long as we come back to each other after.

ISeriouslyDoubtIt · 04/08/2024 01:25

My son in his thirties has a lot of friends, several very close friends, but always says his wife is his best friend. When he first said it I felt so happy to hear him say that, in my experience of friends and family, those who say their spouse is their best friend have long lasting marriages.

MonsteraMama · 04/08/2024 01:25

Yeah he is. He's the person I click best with, the person I can be absolutely myself with, the person who makes me laugh so hard I stop making sound and just wheeze and cry, the person who always always shows up for me, cheers me on, knows me, knows what I need. He's not always a perfect human, sometimes he's a right dildo, but he is a fecking brilliant friend and that's a great foundation to have.

I have lots of very close platonic friends too, people I've known my whole life, but no one quite brightens my light like my husband.

WearyAuldWumman · 04/08/2024 01:29

Mawface · 04/08/2024 01:00

This is so lovely ❤️ sorry for your loss

Show quote history

Thank you. That's appreciated.

MrsTartanTeacosy · 04/08/2024 01:30

My exH definitely wasn’t. DP is, and has been for years. We took our relationship slowly, becoming friends then best friends then lovers…though the deep connection was there from the very beginning.

I wish I had accepted my previous relationships were not what I deserved, far sooner than I did. Life is so short.

Fifteentreefrogs · 04/08/2024 01:55

Yes. We were friends for years before we got together. I'd never be in a serious relationship with a man who didn't want to be my friend first and foremost.
With DH I knew that even if we had never got together romantically he would have remained my friend, and that was extremely important to me.

FranklySonImTheGaffer · 04/08/2024 02:05

Going against the grain here, I would say no. Happily married for over 10 years,
100% feel he's the love of my life and we are great partners, completely fulfilled in the relationship - but he's not (and never has been) my best friend.
I feel like that's an awful lot to rely on one person for, and find it works for me to have my best friends as people who are outside of my relationship.

SecretWitch · 04/08/2024 02:08

My partner is my best friend. We began our relationship as friends and then fell in love. We've been through some struggles together and he's always had my back. I trust him implicitly

Itsjustmeheretoday · 04/08/2024 02:11

Sortof. He's the one I go to for advice when I need it or the first person I'd call. He used to be, but unfortunately let me down badly after our DC was born so I still harbour alot of anger and resentment. I also have lots of female friends though, so hes never been my only 'best' friend

DramaAlpaca · 04/08/2024 02:11

Yes, I suppose he is. We started off as friends 36 years ago and he's still the person I'd rather be with than anyone else. It's nice actually.

Ohlittleone · 04/08/2024 02:20

My EXH was very much my best friend, but that was it. I could have so much fun with him and speak to him about anything, but we had no chemistry and no common interests and we had very different views on things. It was hard when we were separating though and I remember telling my boss at the time, who I was close to, that I was struggling with it because he was my best friend. She told me that your husband shouldn't be your best friend. I don't know how right I was but she has one of the most solid marriages that I know of.

My current DP told me not long ago that I'm his best friend. I love him and fancy the pants off him but I don't feel like he is my best friend.