Tips for OLD

[Liliesrus]

Finally bit the bullet and signed up.
feel dreadful swiping left, but getting used to it.
what not to do?
your successes
Finding it utterly bizarre.
so many bad photos!!

• do not become emotionally involved with someone you haven't met.

• meet up as soon as you can.

• don't chat with anyone outside the country you live in. Especially if they work on an oil rig!! ;)

• Do not message first - EVER!

• First meeting should be a 30 minute coffee. It's not a date as such it's just to see if they are real, look like their photo and most important to see if you fancy them.

• For the love of god don't go for a meal or bowling etc for a first meet. You'll be stuck with them if you don't like them.

• Make sure you WhatsApp before you meet them. Check their number online. Also beware of anyone who hides what time they were last online.

• I would also suggest you know their surname before meeting to see if you can find them on social media. Especially if you are a woman.

• Do a reverse image search of their photos. Amazing what that throws up!!

• If you meet always tell someone where you are going.

• If the messages have innuendos or sex talk delete immediately. It won't get better.

• don't ask on the date if he wants to meet again.

I probably have a million more tips, I've been on probably 200+ dates over 10 years. I've only met good men and have no scary stories as I weed out the dodgy ones immediately. Sadly didn't fancy most of them.

Don't take knock backs personally. It's hard at the beginning but you do get hardened to it.

I am currently in a relationship of a month! Which is amazing but worth the wait. I'd rather be alone than just make do.

Why do you feel dreadful swiping left?

I joined xmas eve met my boyfriend 5 weeks later

Have a list of what you want and deserve and don't settle

Good family
Good morals
Nice mates erc

I haven't online dated but I have been told:
Upload a nice, recent, full length photo of yourself.
Write an honest " warts an all" bio, be clear about what you want.

Don't feel bad swiping left, when I did it I was incredibly fussy on who I matched with, I'd say to myself can I really see myself dating him, is his profile friendly and positive, next is the chat, is he able to hold a conversation, is he enthusiastic enough, by then I'd only go on a date maybe one or two a month, once they've passed, there wasn't always attraction there on the date anyway.

I would stay away from anyone that isn't sure of what they want relationship wise , so how would you?

Don't be afraid to unmatch for any reason, your not there to people please you are looking for someone right for you.

I personally wouldn't give me number out too soon, can be tricky to gage when but beware, there are sex pests and ones that return years later, yes some are very persistent, as long as 5 years later!

If you have insta/tiktok, follow some relationship people that talk about online dating. Don't get too invested especially with people that you haven't met, or only met few times. After the first meeting, wait for the man to message.

@NearlyAugust had good advice, although I disagree on whatsapp - I don't like to give my number before we meet (and I hide my online status). But agree especially on meeting quickly, for a quick coffee/ drinks (although been longer than 30mins). And on bumble I still sometimes message first 😂

Don't give out your phone number and communicate on the app until you feel comfortable

Don't chat for ages, meet up as soon as you can

Watch out for red flags in messages eg sexual talk, lack of effort.

Talk to a few men, don't just focus on one, keep your options open

Meet up for a coffee as a first date

Don't rely on your date for lifts, don't tell your date where you live

Have an excuse for when you want to leave eg I've got a food shop being delivered.

Watch out for red flags, tight with money, late, controlling, overbearing, overly sexual, calls ex's crazy, misogynist language, rude to people etc

If you're not interested, make your excuses and leave. Block and move on.

Have very strong boundaries and if you’re not looking for casual don’t swipe for anyone who is and shut down attempts to turn chat sexual before meeting.

Don’t chat longer than a week or two before meeting

First date coffee or drinks in the afternoon - dinner isn’t a hoof idea. There’s no escape and food gets in way of conversation.

Don’t compromise your standards. Its ok to be a bit flexible with what you’re looking for but within reason.

If you had a good date, send a text when you get home thanking them for a lovely time.

Don't be scared to send the first message but don’t chase.

Never go theirs or invite them to yours for the first date

Low effort messaging sets the tone so monosyllabic men - unmatch

First message of hi or 👋 - doesn’t warrant a response. Lazy minimal effort

Grow a thick skin and don’t be afraid to say no.

Dont waste time meeting people you're not sure about. I also think coffee dates are utter dog shit but each to their own.

I would never give my surname or social media before meeting - it goes both ways, I have no idea who she is! And while I show when last online I wouldn't really care if she hid that.

I would message anyone that matched - dont see an issue with messaging first.

Dont send one message per day, hard to have a conversation, Likewise, a one line reply is tricky to engage with too.

Be flexible - you have no idea if they are perfect for a while, so swipe right on quite a few and whittle down in conversation. Someone may be average looking but actually have all the traits you are looking for.

Look to meet within a week, pub or coffee. As a bloke I never (well, did a couple of times as she kissed me) ask for a 2nd date as would not want to put pressure on - would always message asking after the date.

Never happened to me (lol) but any naughty talk is not acceptable so block immediately.

Meet up quickly, avoid weeks of small talk!

If someone is giving you hot and cold vibes, bin them off

Don't disclose personal information about yourself that you wouldn't want to be shared until you know them well enough

Treat it as a numbers game and think the more people you date the closer you are to meeting the One!

Drive to your first date and ask a friend to give you a call after an hour or so with an "emergency" so if you're having a terrible time you can leave!

Try and have fun with it!!!

I met my partner on OLD and he's the best, so ignore people who tell you that it's no good because everyday people are on there too not just weirdos! Also I found Hinge a million times better than the rest!

@MaltipooMama dont mean to be negative but the actual stats of meeting a long term partner (longer than 2 years relationship) are under 10% for people that are on it….

Ooooo that's interesting, what's the source for those figures? I suspect not recent!

I went out with my sports team for meal recently, ages range from 21-63 and all had met their partners/husbands online. Snapchat (wtf), Tinder, match Etc. except the long term married ones of course.

I was blown away that the "youngsters" had met their OHs online!

Hey, I always hide when I was last online. I like to hide from pushy in-laws.

Yep. I’ve got all me privacy settings so that no one can see if and when I’m online. Nothing dodgy about me I just don’t see why it’s anyone’s business. I don’t care when anyone else is online, why should they care if I am

Exactly. I wouldn’t care if someone else hid theirs either (can’t see anyway if you’ve got yours hidden). I value my privacy and I am happy for others to do the same.

I’m taking it all with a pinch of salt! so far.
in 2/3 days I’ve had a farmer asking me would I do anal, after a very civilised chat.
Ive had someone with fake photos of an instagrammer, fake photos of tennis player, fake photos of Martin keep!
the one I really took a shine to is sending me songs about going to sleep dreaming of me..
abd a charming man who who said 4 words “what do you do?”

For the innocents on here, when OLD men (and probably women) hide their online status it is usually because they are messaging multiple people day and night. NOT because they are hiding from in-laws ....

But ... if you ARE online dating and are ok with people hiding their on line status, that's all well and good! I'm just sharing my own OLD dating experience!

Some people don't want to give their surnames or mobile numbers out and that's fine too. Everyone has their own lines in the sand.

I won't go on a date with a random person I've met OLD without a mobile number, some won't meet without video call first. I personally say no to video calls. I don't like them.

I can just give my opinions and experiences and having had more the 200 dates with not one bad experience I think we can agree I've kept myself safe!

Best way to be as it’s pretty crap tbh.

The man asking if you like anal is pretty much par for the course. I actually was having a very civilised friendly phone chat with a guy prior to meeting and he started wanking - while I was talking!!

I’ve probably chatted to 40 guys in the last year or so but only actually got as far as meeting 8. Most pleasant enough but no spark, 1 date lasted 20 minutes and felt like 3 weeks, then the date from hell after really good phone chats. And the quick Sunday afternoon drink that went in for 4 hours because we clicked so well. Just a shame he didn’t mention his ED until a few dates later!

Dont take it seriously is my best advice. I’m always surprised to read how many on here have met their partner online because I don’t know anyone and I mean not a single person who’s actually had a positive OLD experience

I agree with @NearlyAugust in that I suspect these figures aren't too recent, of my close friendship group, there are seven of us between 36-42 years old, six have met their partners through OLD and way exceeded the two year mark, all married/have children! Also of my acquaintances and colleagues, many are the same other than those who have been married or in a relationship for sort or 10+ years or are single.

@MaltipooMama sorry I think the stats were referencing an older age group which I’m in at 45+ not younger

Does this ever actually work????
This and the guy wanking mid conversation? Does a woman ever list off all the kinky stuff she likes and then jump straight in a cab?
I dunno. I find that so depressing.

A lot of men believe that their fantasy sex woman is on a dating app just waiting to be found.

They believe that their exes have just been unfathomable prudes and that 'other women do that...'

Sometimes they do. But in the main, they don't.

Dont take it seriously is my best advice. I’m always surprised to read how many on here have met their partner online because I don’t know anyone and I mean not a single person who’s actually had a positive OLD experience

I know one couple who met online and married but the rest? Nope. In 15 years of knowing people who have done online dating, I don't know anyone who has had a sustainable relationship from it.

I know a LOT of people (men and women) who have some incredible stories to tell though 😉😅