I saw a photo of my ex and now can't understand why I was so heartbroken!

[CriaBel]

I thought I'd never get over this guy. We broke up 4 years ago when he dumped me over the phone after many years together. Took me about 1.5 years to get over him. Saw a recent photo of him and was shocked at his appearance - his face was very bloated - maybe this is from the amount he always drank, but I hope he's okay and wouldn't wish him bad, but I now can't see what the attraction was.

So really, I want to give hope to anyone who's heartbroken. People used to tell me I wouldn't feel like this forever, and it's true. I can see now I ignored the red flags and had a lucky escape.

I’m still friends with most of my exes. They’re all looking annoyingly good! They were all very sporty and it shows in middle age. I’m the one looking like a frump. But we all still have a laugh together and that’s what counts.

I occasionally have a wee nosey at exes online. A couple have turned out fine and a couple I’m thinking : what did I see in him.

But my husband; every time I see photos of him, I can’t believe my luck

I'm struggling a bit with this although I do understand why it must bring some comfort to you. But I can't help knowing that my nasty and abusive ex is gloating about how I look now (steroids left me swollen and other meds have caused my hair to fall out and I am now wheelchair bound). Looking much worse isn't karma or "just desserts". It's just how the dice rolls. I know my ex will be thrilled at my physical downfall.

Well I was glad to get rid of them all but saw one the other week and he looks like daddy pig

On the train not long ago, I saw a partner from ten years ago who cheated on me very badly, went off with OW and became abusive. He has lost a lot of hair from his head but his eyebrows appear to be compensating for that. He's also become skinny but flabby like an old man and he's only mid 40s. I had a nosey at his LinkedIn and website after that. They were both genuinely laughable. It would be outing to explain more, but think made-up job/titles disguising unemployment. He always was a self-aggrandising prick. I don't know what I was thinking.
Additionally- OW (blocked on all socials a decade ago) recently made herself a fake FB account to try to spy on me. Isn't that the peace of mind you get when you 'steal' a cheating man. Gratifying.

I dumped my arsehole ex so didn't mourn him. He was a pompous, lazy, emotionally abusive cockwomble. All he had going for him was good looks of the sort that tend to mature well. Every now and then, I check up on him. I found a new profile of his, recently and he looks dreadful. Puffy and shrivelled at the same time. There is a homeless caravan site near us and a lot of the residents have severe addiction issues. If he got on the bus at that stop, I would think he had come from there.

100%! I was in love with this guy so he was very attractive to me.. As soon as the red flags and ick came I saw the reality and now cringe.
It just shows how much personality/love/charm etc dictate attraction

My exes - of which I have only been in 4 actual relationships, the first one I met up with some years ago and he had not changed. Physically he was fatter but I mean his lifestyle had not changed. Still into drinking and drugs so that was very unattractive. My ex husband I copped online once or twice over the years and it turns out he lied, you can fatten a thoroughbred 😂

Kids dad I see regularly and he looks good. I have no attraction to him because he is a useless dad but he has aged fairly well. My recent ex I did see one pic of him a few months after we broke up and he looked tired and stressed out but OI doubt he looks too different as it has been under a year since we split up. He was not great looking to begin with but to me was the most attractive man on the planet.

However there is a bloke I had a fling with for a few months and I do not know to this day what possessed me. He was so far from any imagined type that when my friends saw a picture they thought I was joking. He turned out to be the biggest arsehole walking and I feel revolted that I let him touch me at all. I can't even bring myself to search him online as it would not make a difference if he now looked like a male model he is the most ugly person on the inside.