I saw a photo of my ex and now can't understand why I was so heartbroken!

[CriaBel]

I thought I'd never get over this guy. We broke up 4 years ago when he dumped me over the phone after many years together. Took me about 1.5 years to get over him. Saw a recent photo of him and was shocked at his appearance - his face was very bloated - maybe this is from the amount he always drank, but I hope he's okay and wouldn't wish him bad, but I now can't see what the attraction was.

So really, I want to give hope to anyone who's heartbroken. People used to tell me I wouldn't feel like this forever, and it's true. I can see now I ignored the red flags and had a lucky escape.

My ex was screwing anyone he came across behind my back
It took a lot of tears to get over him
A few weeks ago,I saw him rushing out of tesco in front of me,pushing everyone out of his way
Boobs bigger than mine(that where swinging around),massive beer gut and that nasty,all too familiar look of scorn on his face
I cried over him???
I so want to go back in time and give me a slap

@JaneFrances Look at your thumb. Now imagine a sour face drawn on it, with an unflattering grey buzz cut. He looked exactly like that.

Shame, he's been grey since his 20s but used to be in a nicely styled 'silver fox' kind of way that really suited him. God knows what has possessed him to have a grade 3 all over.

The last guy I dated we split in lockdown and I had too much time to think and drive myself mad.

Saw him a few months ago and almost laughed at what I possibly saw in him. He looked like a pensioner, his clothes were dreadful and everything about him made me cringe. It was honestly like looking at a stranger

This will be outing if certain people read it but oh well.

I wasn't grieving over this one but I hadn't seen my exdh for a long time, children all grown up and he lives a long way from me. My DS showed me a photo of him and he hasn't agreed well. He looks like Gandalf!

And I'm not even exaggerating. My other DS said that when my lovely DIL saw a photo of him the first time she went to his place she asked who it was cosplaying as a wizard. 🤣

Great thread OP @CriaBel

I carried a quiet yearning for my handsome lost love, the one who didn’t wait when I had to move away for a few months to start my career.He had said he would wait and I fell apart when he ghosted me . We were young, after all, was how I romanticised my rejection later.

I found out at some point that he had married then left the girl he had, in fact, been two timing me with, then much, much later found that his life had been a series of leaving wives/girlfriends and their children for overlapping and increasingly younger new partners. So much emotional and financial wreckage.

He had stayed handsome and become rich, though finally bankrupt.

I had dodged such a bullet.

This made me laugh 😂

My ex was completely bald in the photo I saw. Like all shaved off. Now, I know men go bald, but afaik he wasn't afflicted with this issue so no clue why he thought it a great idea.

And as he has a (now much more) rounded face and massive eyebrows, he looked like Gru. Except his head was all shiny.

Just no.

I cried real tears for a long time for this man.

What a wake up call.

I had a secret crush on Gru, got over it when he married Lucy

@CriaBel yeah he's married to the OW now since messaged me with similar messages he used to send her when we were together 🙄. He's a complete nob. I think when we have been through such tough times with these men it's quite funny to see they haven't aged well it's kind of karma and I don't feel one bit sorry for laughing 🙈😂

@Highlighta Gru!!

Not the point, I know - this thread is meant to be all “go girl!” But maybe you weren’t repulsed by his bloated face when you were together because we love the whole person and not just one physical aspect?

Yup - I think it's nature's way of helping us get over them!

My sister saw her exH the other day. She was devastated when he upped and left her, then messaged me while they were at a family event saying "OMFG he's such a slob - what the F did I ever see in him??"

Rose tinted glasses well and truly smashed!

Loving this thread! unfortunately I still have to have regular contact with my ex as our kids are still tween/teen. But when he left me for a 24 year old a few years ago he took the 'midlife crisis' thing quite seriously, and started at nearly 50 years old wearing verrry tight jeans (think Robert Plant in '70's and they're skinny leg too), and bright red trainers and bowling-type shoes, with flourescent bright 'novelty' socks (yes, really). Also started growing his hair except his hair is naturally stringy and he doesn't wash it enough so it looks greasy and yuck. Ick. Long hair at 50 can look good on some men (Dave Grohl) but not on him. He also has his 'love nest' home which is absolutely disgusting, a total pigsty, junk everywhere, never vacuumed or cleaned. I hate that my kids have to live there half the time and encourage them to clean/tidy their rooms there.

The ex I was madly in love with 15 years ago still looks very attractive but I literally feel nothing. He is just another bloke to me now! I think he is a bit pathetic, still a "DJ" and a flirty party boy at 55...

Oh god they're the worst type. My mate's husband left her when he turned 40 to (and I quote) 'concentrate on his DJing'.

You're not Fatboy Slim mate, FFS. If you haven't made it big by 40 it's not happening.

Spoiler: 10 years later, it hasn't happened.

I’ve spent far too many years of my adult life moving in the soul/house circles and I know far too many of his type.

Men in their 50’s and 60’s playing basement bars, working man’s clubs and the function suite of the local Premier Inn still convinced they’ll be supporting Carl Cox anytime soon. Its been 40 years mate and you’re still playing to 1 man and his dog - give it up

This happened to me too. Dated someone about 10 years ago. I'd had some health problems and he was the first person I'd let in to my life in years. He was deceptive and I was really upset when he dumped me.

I saw a photo of him recently on Facebook and he looks really old. I went on to realise that he wasn't right for me anyway and have dated much better looking men

It’s when you see an ex and have no feeling for them what’s so ever no love no hatred no resentment just nothing that feeling is something else because you know you have healed and moved on
To those that may be reading these posts who have just split up with someone honestly it gets easier and you will be fine.

Great thread. It’s a useful reminder that hormones and lust blind us to reality but once they’ve passed we can see clearly again.

My ex DH is objectively not a great catch. He is fat, poorly dressed and groomed. Financially flaky. I know he’s also a selfish arse. He somehow has a new woman who seems lovely and I am baffled!
We are all middle aged and she’s recently retired and divorced so I suppose he has given her something to focus on but she talks about him in terms that just don’t ring true. I have been tempted to open up to her but that wouldn’t be appropriate. She’s just in her own bubble for now.

@CheeseWisely a thumb!! What a cracking image 😂

That's how I feel, I looked at the photograph and felt... just nothing really. I was more shocked by his appearance really, don't know if it is because of the heavy drinking. I can't believe how heartbroken I was at one stage.

This was just like me with my first love. I was head over heels for him and after years he calls me and dumps me over the phone. I took the breakup badly and it took years for those nervous butterflies to stop every time I accidentally saw him. I am now married with children & think what on earth was I depressed over, he is not even my type anymore and he's a womaniser who jumps girl to girl who happen to look similar to me. He did realise his mistake but I had already moved on and.mot interested.

It happens OP, count the lucky stars sometimes

Absolutely. Its when you see them and feel nothing at like, like they might as well be a random stranger, that’s the great feeling.

Either a thumb, or given the grey/white grade 3 haircut, maybe a Kiwi fruit that's spent the summer holidays languishing forgotten in a lunchbox.

You’re a poet 😂😂