is my husband having an affair?

[Den39]

would welcome any views as my having approached my husband on this, he says that it is a bit of office banter and flirting and he is not having an affair. He received a text from a woman at work "texting with a grin. God your hard work. Don't u ever answer texts or is this u being aloof. Can only text when i know your at work however mine always safe" name xxx. Just to say he did attempt a one night stand with another woman just over a year ago but don't want to go into any details. Needless to say not sure i believe him.

I think a private investigator at this stage isn't worth your time or money. If you're even considering getting one - then it speaks volumes in itself in terms of your trust for DH.

Sit him down, tell him to stop bullshitting you and to be honest - you're a big girl and can handle it. And ask where he wants to go from there.

Maybe even call his bluff. Tell him you wrote the number down, show him the paper with the number on, and tell him you called her and she completely blew his cover.

Christ den, I really wouldn't pay out for a PI.
Try the phone things first if you're that desperate and ask a friend or MNer to follow him for you.
If they work together, chances are they spend time at work together, so how will the PI be able to find out anything there?

Haven't read all the posts but i'm afraid to say if he isn't already having an affair then he's thinking about it or up to something he shouldn't be.

If he suspects that you suspect he will cover his tracks more. Also, if you are going to send texts from his phone to other woman make sure you do it in his style. Sounds obvious but it's actully very difficult to do and women are much more in tune with these things than men are.

This must feel awful for you

but please play your cards very carefully because how you behave now could make a big difference to how the next few weeks pan out.

Don't pay out for a PI - a lot of money for something you may find out for yourself or dh might tell you

don't confront OW yet - play it carefully. If you blow your cover now you could end up looking hysterial and overreacting even though you are not

do sort out your finances NOW. Make sure you know exactly where you stand IF you need to be independent. Much better to do this before dh thinks you are out to get him.

do bear in mind - it not be what you think. He may only be playing risky games. You may decide it's worth saving your marriage. Don't risk everything in the first flush of fury.

Oh good luck

Can you get a copy of his bill. You used to just request this from menu options ie press one for copy bill iykwim. You won't have to talk to someone so don't need to know his account details.

Will need to do it from his phone and keep hold of it for a couple of mins once done as they send a confirmation text!

Go with your gut. I wish I had.

Good luck to you.

Thanks everyone for the comments. Some good pieces of advice, unfortunately, a lot from people who have been through similar situations, which is very sad. I asked DH if he had spoken to the OW yestery about the texts, was told she was on holiday but that he would do, so i am not letting it drop completely but not pursuing anything extra at this stage. Will get prepared with the legal and money advice etc etc (money spent here much better than on a PI). I am also going to sit down with him and suggest counselling as clearly neither of us happy at the moment and whatever way it goes we need to be able to have open discussions which are maintained. So much clearer on my direction today. Good luck to all of you who are going though similar situations. Den39