Father left baby

[SoniaA83]

Hello,

I am posting here, as I tried to look information online, but I wasn’t able to find anything relevant.
I have been in a toxic relationship until this Thursday. There have been threats to leave, mental and physical abuse (pulling hair), fights over fights, etc.
We have an 1 year old baby. On Thursday, because the baby was being a baby, shouting at some point, after the father had informed me “he was having a headache and going to lie down”. He came and probably smacked the baby (I was just in the kitchen, to drink water), as he started crying after and when questioned, he stated “he might as well have reasons to shout”, the fight started from there and he left, after begging him for an hour or so not to leave. He only packed a bag with essential things, saying he would be back for the rest of his stuff the following day. But he didn’t.

long story short, yes, I feel deceived, betrayed, lied to, hurt, but also relieved. No more walking on shells, as he was disturbed by ANY baby noise, always shushing him, don’t do that, don’t do the other one. I know difficult times are ahead, as a single mother, but I also know I will do it, as I have to.

My question would be: should, or could this be reported to the police? I am not planning to get him back, God forbid, I understood that someone leaves when they no longer want something/someone, I am just thinking of the future, in terms of seeing the child, or controlling where I go/move with the baby. I have to say that all his care has been my duty, all the necessities, like clothing, food, toys, etc, as I am getting the child benefit (sic). I don’t need child support from him, I don’t need anything, as I only know how we lived together, how stingy he has been toward us, and how he was not towards his other children. I experienced these separatisms, so please don’t judge me…
I am working (recently resumed after maternity leave), but even now, he left without caring if the baby needs anything, if I can provide for him, not a phone call to enquire about the baby. And I believe this should be somewhere on records if he wakes up later that he wants to have contact with the baby…
Not to mention that when we were fighting and not talking, after, he was also ignoring the baby, saying we are one and the same person to him…
Pleaee advise if you know/experienced something similar. Thank you!

Sorry but did you just say you think he smacked your child but you begged him to stay?

Definitely report this to the police. To my knowledge he'll still be responsible for paying child maintenance.

Please NEVER go to him again, he sounds incredibly dangerous. The numbers on how many parents actually kill their babies in the UK due to violence is horrifying - don't risk your child being another number.

I'm sorry, he smacked the baby?! Yes. Tell the police, if he tries to get the baby on his own currently he has every right to do so and his anger issues may mean he has no restraint if the baby upsets him.

Yes, unfortunately, I think he did, because the baby started crying… and I know it’s stupid to beg him, but my abandonment trauma kicked in…
The thing is that if I report this to the police, I fear social services will be involved. And part of his insults were that I am “unfit to be a mother”, that I have mental health issues, and this was solely based on OUR fights. On the other hand, he was also accusing me of spoiling the baby and making sure I feed him several times per day, whilst I don’t care what he eats (because I was withdrawing this duty when on not talking terms). The baby s care has been solely my duty, as a man “does not nurse a baby”, as he says. But he brags about raising the other 3 he had in a marriage (we are not married).
He is from a different culture than mine, where the woman has to be submissive, obedient, not to talk back, and I was none of these, hence the clash.
He has no proof of what he accuses me of (mental health, unfit, etc), and I believe the baby is proof of how he is looked after, but everyone knows what social services involvement means… so that’s why I am asking about reporting his child abandonment only, if such thing exists, because from my research, there is no such thing in England…

Who the hell would ever SMACK A BABY????!!!!
No no no no he's scum of the earth. Yes report to the police. So they can pick him up as soon as he does come back, as I suspect he probably will. Make sure in the future he is NEVER alone with your child.
Reporting this will help you protect your child.
It does worry me that you say you begged him to stay. Please work on that so the sentence will be begging him to leave.
Please.
Good luck to you❤️

I despair... poor child

Exactly what I came to say.

You appear more concerned with this cunt of a man than you do with your crying baby that was hit by him. What the fuck?

Phone the police.

I hope someone calls social services and the police, no justifying does not excuse it

I appreciate your trauma response or abandonment kicked in whatever but fuck me OP. If I had any inclination my partner had hit my baby I think I'd have stabbed the bastard not begged him to stay for an hour.

You need to get as far away from this man as possible. Report to the police and protect that baby. The fact that his abuse and coercion has caused your primal motherly instincts to be dampened to the point your begging him to stay after you suspect he's smacked your baby just shows you need to do everything you can to cut him out.

I am sorry, I am concerned, because I know how dangerous and revengeful he can be… I know he doesn’t care about the baby, but he would do anything to harm me, to fight me, to look good on books (good, caring father), this is the facade he puts on… He threatened me in the past, not once, about what he would do if I just disappear with the baby, so I know…I don’t wish on anyone to be this confused and scared…

There should be a 24hour domestic abuse helpline in your area OP.

Can you Google it?

Report to the police. Immediately.

You need to report the smacking also whenever he's hit you. You need support to stay away from this twat.
If you don't he could end up doing much worse. You know it's not right stay strong and do not go back to him. Think about how your child feels what he's seen.

Report him, both for abusing you and the baby. He sounds toxic and may try to use the child as something to use to get his own way, so ensure he's fully aware to the authorities and hopefully he can't try to get custody etc in the future.
Please don't go back to this excuse for a man your child and you will be in danger

He abused your baby, you report it to the police. I can’t believe anyone would beg someone to stay who hit their baby, I’m guessing I don’t understand as he’s been abusive to you.

Anyway to give more protection to yourself and your child of course you report it. Your poor baby.

Of course you should report him smacking your baby. Were there marks? Did you take pictures?
Documenting domestic abuse is the right way to go, but UK courts don't really give a fuck about abandonment or non payment of child support.
Is he on the birth certificate?

Yes, she wrote that. She hasn’t taken her child to be seen by a doctor.

Suggest you contact your health visitor, or a charity such as refuge can offer helpful advice on what you should do next. refuge.org.uk

Your letting your own baby be harmed
Social services should be involved as you are clearly a danger to your own child

And yes you should report this to the police. And if social services do get involved then co-operate with them

But you don’t know he did? You cannot report him to the police for something you don’t know happened.
You were in a different room.
The baby started crying
That’s not going to add up to evidence for the police to act on.

You need to report the abuse or you risk him getting unsupervised access to your child in the future and causing the child serious harm.

You can (and should ) report him abusing you physically and mentally, you also should report that you believe he hit your child, but you can't report him abandoning the child except to child maintenance to claim it. It's not an offence to split up with someone.

Unless he left DC alone on a beach, or on a mountain I'm not sure there's such a thing as being arrested for abandonment.

Hitting a child however, that's a biggie. Can you not see that THIS is what needs reporting, and what needs addressing?

After that, you need an awful lot of counselling to see what a healthy relationship is, how he shouldn't hit your kid, what a basic level of human kindness is.