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Original poster

How do you say "no" in the bedroom.

34 replies

SlightlyMadSweet · 13/04/2008 22:01

I am not sure I have experience of it so can't answer for myself....but could be in a position tonight where I want/need to (DP been an arsehole all weekend and I am determined to resist).

So how do you do it....looking from everything from Direct "no"'s to more elabourate ploys...

OP posts:
madamez · 13/04/2008 22:05

'NOt tonight DP I am not in the mood' communicates your message clearly. But it depends a bit on how likely you think he is to initiate sex, and how likely it is to turn into a row if you don't deliver it. Not to say in any way that you are in the wrong for not wanting to have sex just wondering if what you want is a way of making sure the issue doesn't er, come up tonight, or whether you want to have a heated discussion about it all.

littlewoman · 13/04/2008 22:05

Say 'I don't feel in the mood because you've been unpleasant to me all weekend". Course it will be worth a fight. Sympathise with you. I remember this feeling.

BreeVanDerCampLGJ · 13/04/2008 22:07

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Should sort it...

Original poster
SlightlyMadSweet · 13/04/2008 22:08

errr. 90% sire he will initiate tonight. Usually does on Sunday and I have been really poorly and out of bounds for a couple of weeks.

If I say no he will sulk - but won't talk about it or argue becuase that is not teh way he is. He will avoid a discussion at all costs because he "doesn't do" discussion about sex.

THB, whilst I am semi-looking for ideas - I did intend this as a what happens in your house list of answers....

OP posts:
Flynnie · 13/04/2008 22:09

Nip it in the bud before he gets a chance to ask! Say your not feeling like it tonight but you may be feeling like it tomorrow...if he is nicer to you

SubRosa · 13/04/2008 22:11

Stay downstairs with a glass of wine, and wait til he goes up and falls asleep. (This may take until 2am, from my experience).

That's not intended to be flippant, it's what tends to work for me.

gigglewitch · 13/04/2008 22:11
  1. arrange for one or more of the kids to have a "nightmare" and need to snuggle in your bed too
  2. lovely thick tartan pj's
WallOfSilence · 13/04/2008 22:12

I generally say "If you're showering I hope it's not on my behalf... I'm for sleep"

or "I hope you're not wanting sex... I don't fancy it"

straight to the point

moreJellothanJlo · 13/04/2008 22:12

open you gob

say "no"
thats it

Original poster
SlightlyMadSweet · 13/04/2008 22:16

Liking Giggles #3...

OP posts:
Flibbertyjibbet · 13/04/2008 22:21

You've been really poorly and he will sulk cos you don't feel like it????

'usually does on a Sunday' ?? Nothing like a bit of impromtpu-ness in the bedroom eh.

Sounds like he is an arsehole for more than a weekend imo.

WallOfSilence · 13/04/2008 22:22

Hey SMS, are you serious about never having said 'no' before?

My dh would love you

purpleduck · 13/04/2008 22:23

Yeah, I'm all for the straight to the point approach too.

"Don't get your hopes up, I am tired"

LOL at Wall - I have said exactly that many times.

SlightlyMad..
So what if he pouts? Ignore it, like you would any other inappropriate (and maybe childish?) behaviour. I'm not saying my dh NEVER pouts (def not often though), if he does I tell him he's being a baby, and that it is not attractive.

Also, even if HE doesn't discuss sex, please don't let it stop YOU being honest about your needs.

Surely that would be easier than getting worried about his reaction...? It may be hard the first time, but it will get easier.

BTW

You have never said no!!!? Did I read that correctly!!!?

WOW!!

Original poster
SlightlyMadSweet · 13/04/2008 22:26

WoS....it doesn't happen often - at least not in recent years where I have memories. Sometimes I can't. Saying "I can't" is diffent to saying "no" though.

OP posts:
gigglewitch · 13/04/2008 22:26

I have three kids. Am learning to say No
assholes aren't for shagging (so to speak...)

Pannacotta · 13/04/2008 22:27

"You ARE joking?!" usually works

Original poster
SlightlyMadSweet · 13/04/2008 22:27

And you have to think about teh reasons I don't need to say no.....there would be less WOWing if you get your head around that one

OP posts:
isitmyfault · 13/04/2008 22:27

hats off to you slightly mad for never saying no!

Usually fall asleep before DP
Push his hands away when he gropes

or tell him hes een an arse and hes got no chance

purpleduck · 13/04/2008 22:29

SlightlyMad..
Are you married to Johnny Depp....

Original poster
SlightlyMadSweet · 13/04/2008 22:30
Grin
OP posts:
MissPaulaYates · 13/04/2008 22:33

'you are on a BAN'

that is what i tell dp when he is bad

doesn't usually work though - he takes it as an opportunity to make me break my word

Original poster
SlightlyMadSweet · 13/04/2008 22:34

Right I am off to bed whilst he is engrossed in telly.

#1 tactic = avoidance.
#2 a firm "no"
#3 a probable give in...

OP posts:
cornsilk · 13/04/2008 22:35

Leave the tampax packet out in a prominent position.

Original poster
SlightlyMadSweet · 13/04/2008 22:36

Another good one cornsilk.....a number 1b maybe????

OP posts:
Dalrymps · 13/04/2008 22:36

Seriously, never said no? I can't imagine expecting sex on a certain night every week, it's not very impulsive and how could you know if your in the mood? my libido is all over the place! Plus, sulking when you don't want to? What is that about? You're a person with emotions and needs, not just a 'love machine' so to speak. Does he ever say no? Or do you not get the chance to initiate?