Just want something bad to happen to me

[sunshinesummer24]

Just feel low

I have no family no friends I'm soo lonely the only good thing about my life is my children least I got that right.

Just wish something bad will happen to me just don't want to be here anymore.

I've made referral for therapy for you this morning. I've also contacted my GP

Hey sunshine - well done for making the referral for therapy and for reaching out to your gp. You're getting really good advice on this thread - thank you for the update, please keep talking to us! @Namechange285 is right - you are a hero. You're having a hard time at the moment and you're exhausted, but you're still here, a strong woman and precious mum to your children. Huge kudos to you.

OP, the fact that you've taken the time to post on here shows that you're wanting and needing help. Are you taking any medication?

I had severe post-natal depression when my DD was born and I did want to die. Every day I just wanted to walk into traffic. I received medication and have been on Citalopram ever since which had a very positive effect.

Your children would be devastated if you left them. Please go to see your GP and/or contact social services to see if you can get some support.

Much love to you x

Wow, you have 4 kids and you're doing it alone?? Honestly I also have 4 and a partner and I have nearly lost my mind. It is SO full on.

I was feeling low a few months back, like all I did was chores and parenting constantly -never any of it as well as I wanted to- and it's too much to never have time alone, I don't think people realise. Everything you do is juggling at least 2/3/4/5 jobs at once and each of those jobs is ALWAYS interrupted.

I think my youngest was a similar age to yours when I felt very depressed, (history of PND-) but she's older now and honestly it does get easier. (Especially when the sleep improves.) I also contacted my Health Visitor and she was amazing! Put me forward for a group for mothers with anxiety which was actually helpful, but even better, I met a friend there who has changed my life actually. I'm in a much much better place now.

Can you insist your ex takes your daughter the same time as your other kids are away?? I honestly think you desperately need some time alone.

Very much in awe of what you're doing, I've been finding it SUPER hard and that's with a partner. Sorry your friends have been shitty, time to find new ones. I think the single parents groups on Facebook might be worth a look.

Hang on in there! Sending ♥️ and 💪

Your children would not be better off without you. They only get one Mum. Please talk to your GP.

He won't do it he deliberately picked the opposite weekends so I didn't get me time and couldn't go out etc. I feel extremely trapped, it don't help that my daughter is soo clingy and needy too I can't even go to the toilet without her screaming the house down because I'm not with her! The house is messy too and I've not been able to keep up with usual routine because she is soo clingy it's literally exhausting.

Honestly some days I just want to get in my car and just drive and leave them all here. It's been extremely difficult.

Glad you've got the referral and going to gp. Sounds like you're doing a great job despite how tough it is. Keep strong and keep coming to chat on here, lots of nice people who will listen 💐

I have 4 children with my ex and he would try and “punish” me by making his time with them as unhelpful to me as possible to ensure I got the least amount of free time. Then two years ago I had a breakdown and had feelings similar to you. I explained to him that I was engaging with my GP and Community Mental Health team and taking medication but I wasn’t sure if I would need to go to hospital or if I could carry on having the kids. Suddenly after years of zero co-operation, when the threat of having to have his own children live with him full-time started looking like a reality, he was able to have all of them for a full weekend and do pick ups and drop offs that had been “impossible” before. I also think seeing me in that state helped him let go of a lot of anger and rejection he felt about me and we get along pretty well now. Maybe having a very honest conversation with your ex about where your mental health is could change his mind if you explain to him that the alternative is you not getting well and him having her permanently.

I've spoken to him about this numerous times and i say you will have too have her full time as I'm not ok at the moment and I'm struggling to which he says I'll have her then I will have her full time just too be more of an ass.

So I just tired again approached him about the having his daughter the same weekends and he literally twisted it around and said I'm blaming him for my low mood and why I'm feeling low and I'm out of order see this is why I stop asking he does this every time 🤷🏼‍♀️😔

How are you today, Op? Please keep checking in. You have a lot of responsibility but your children won’t need this level of attention forever and you will claw back time for yourself. You are still so young! I remember feeling very low at times; I was effectively a single parent when mine were very young (and am now but they are older). My health visitor contacted this organisation: https://www.home-start.org.uk/
and it helped me enormously - just having a bit of support and a couple of hours to myself each week made such a difference. The lady they sent also became my friend and we are still in touch 14 years later.