Page 2 | Just want something bad to happen to me

sunshinesummer24 · 2024-07-27T08:15:07+00:00

Just feel low I have no family no friends I'm soo lonely the only good thing about my life is my children least I got that right. Just wish something bad will happen to me just don't want to be here anymore.

Juliefaith · 27/07/2024 21:33

Hi. Sorry you feel this way, tried to be positive. You have young children. You are their rock and company. Also you are precious to them and they are to you. They will look up to you.
I felt this way during Covid lockdown and still a little low because of my health problems. I wish I had kids. Drop by here to chat. 🙂I agree with others. Contact Samaritans, join a social club. Some areas have a lonely club and for people with problems.

Wolfiefan · 27/07/2024 21:44

You feel this way because absolutely everything is coloured by what sounds like depression. It messes with how you see and feel about everything. I was the same. Now I’m well I see my kids would have been devastated to lose me.
You need to see your GP.

Wellbeing24 · 27/07/2024 21:57

Dear OP, you are NOT useless you are NOT worthless, you are an incredible irreplaceable and amazing human being OP.
You are your children's absolute world, please please speak to your GP, call the out of hours mental health team in your area tonight, they should have 24/7 helplines to enable you to speak to someone or the Samaritans can also be a tremendous support.
I too have battled severe depression off and on since I was a teenager, the dark days can still hit me like a ten ton truck at times but I've come to understand that they will pass in time.
The light is always ahead of you, you are stronger than you realise even if it doesn't feel much like that today.
I've attached a link to a website I have found to be helpful in some of my darkest hours, I really hope it can help you too. Sending love and healing hugs ❤️ to you and your family xxxx
metanoia.org/suicide/

WalkingaroundJardine · 27/07/2024 22:13

If you are 33, your kids must still be quite young. They need you and still depend on you a lot. I have seen the after a of a suicide, the effect on those left behind and it was one of the saddest things I have ever seen. Please go to the GP and tell them you feel suicidal. There is treatment for depression.

Then from there, I would have a long term plan to get a job. Your colleagues will become your support system, even if you don’t naturally click. I am relatively alone too because I am overseas, my marriage ended and most of our friends disappeared as our youngest child had challenging disabilities but my workplace has kept me afloat and having a job gives you a sense of purpose in life and a daily structure.

Sherryonthecake · 28/07/2024 00:22

You're not alone OP. I have a child with severe learning difficulties and it has made it so bloody hard to make friends. Always harder as you get older but we've moved around the UK so much, I'm so tired of trying to make new fiends.

I miss being near my mum and I'm just sad and lonely most of the time and can't see it getting better. I want out regularly. I juat can't see how life can get better 😢 my DH quite content as he pretty much has what he wants in life.

BMW6 · 28/07/2024 06:34

You are Depressed OP. You don't have to carry on feeling so low - there is medication that will lift this mood and help you enjoy life again.

Please go see your GP and tell them exactly how low you are feeling. You don't have to trudge on carrying this black dog around with you.

There IS help available. Get it. Make yourself seek the help for your sake and your children's.

Take care of yourself.

Leanmeansmitingmachine · 28/07/2024 08:02

Do you work, OP? How old are your children? Is there father involved?

Original poster

sunshinesummer24 · 28/07/2024 13:14

Leanmeansmitingmachine · 28/07/2024 08:02

Do you work, OP? How old are your children? Is there father involved?

I don't work, I can't find a job that does school hours, I was meant to do my nursing degree at uni a couple of years ago but I had to back out due to my eldest son having additional needs and not being settled in a main stream school my children are 14,11,8 and 15 months. I've just been finding life hard as I feel I'm not doing anything with my life. I know being a parent isn't easy but I feel like my life has been put on hold again and I don't have a partner to share the chores and stuff soo I feel like a robot all the time and feel my life is soo tedious and boring. I feel a bit better today and I'm going to speak to my GP tomorrow I've also been having trouble with my periods and hormones also haven't helped me either I also had a really shit day Thursday and felt soo guilty for everything that happened. My 1 year old fell down some steps 4 off them and bumped her head then I went to take her a and e to be checked over and she got locked in the car and I had to smash my back passenger window to get to her plus I was freaking out as she had a head injury! Then I went out Friday with my friends which is extremely rare these days I go out maybe once or twice a year and they went home and left me and I just felt really shit for it 😔 hence why I don't feel good enough for anyone. Just puts me off making friends and stuff the kids go to their dads every other weekend but I still have my daughter when they go as her dad deliberately had her the opposite weekend to them soo I'm always with children. I also think he's been getting to me too as he don't leave me alone and doesn't get that I don't want to be with him he won't accept it and he always puts me down and moans and nags at me about things all the time.

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Original poster

sunshinesummer24 · 28/07/2024 13:15

BMW6 · 28/07/2024 06:34

You are Depressed OP. You don't have to carry on feeling so low - there is medication that will lift this mood and help you enjoy life again.

Please go see your GP and tell them exactly how low you are feeling. You don't have to trudge on carrying this black dog around with you.

There IS help available. Get it. Make yourself seek the help for your sake and your children's.

Take care of yourself.

I'm already on anti depressants but every now and then I get like this, I think also the last year has been soo stressful and it's all just getting to me now

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Original poster

sunshinesummer24 · 28/07/2024 13:17

Sherryonthecake · 28/07/2024 00:22

You're not alone OP. I have a child with severe learning difficulties and it has made it so bloody hard to make friends. Always harder as you get older but we've moved around the UK so much, I'm so tired of trying to make new fiends.

I miss being near my mum and I'm just sad and lonely most of the time and can't see it getting better. I want out regularly. I juat can't see how life can get better 😢 my DH quite content as he pretty much has what he wants in life.

Same with my eldest he has adhd and suspected autism and the last few years have been awful with him I think also because of his hormones and puberty but it's been hard work! I had to drop out of my uni degree because of him being constantly excluded and in trouble and having constant meetings at the school he's finally starting a specialist school this September but it's been sooo difficult I do feel lonely because I don't have many friends and my family don't help soo it's been extremely difficult soo I do get how you feel too

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goldsocks · 28/07/2024 13:18

It is so, so, hard being a lone parent. I was feeling like this recently and called the Samaritans, it helped.

Original poster

sunshinesummer24 · 28/07/2024 13:19

WalkingaroundJardine · 27/07/2024 22:13

If you are 33, your kids must still be quite young. They need you and still depend on you a lot. I have seen the after a of a suicide, the effect on those left behind and it was one of the saddest things I have ever seen. Please go to the GP and tell them you feel suicidal. There is treatment for depression.

Then from there, I would have a long term plan to get a job. Your colleagues will become your support system, even if you don’t naturally click. I am relatively alone too because I am overseas, my marriage ended and most of our friends disappeared as our youngest child had challenging disabilities but my workplace has kept me afloat and having a job gives you a sense of purpose in life and a daily structure.

I had to quit my nhs job that I loved because my marriage broke down and I had no one for the kids plus child care is expensive! I had too quit that then I go into uni to do my nursing degree which I worked my ass off for with my maths and English to then have to drop out two months before because my eldest has additional needs and wasn't settled in the main stream school. I just sit there some days and feel my life is just cooking, cleaning, washing, nappies and bottles I want to start a career or do a degree and I can't at the moment and I'm finding it hard especially as I don't have many friends and family that I see all the time just feels extremely lonely

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Original poster

sunshinesummer24 · 28/07/2024 13:20

goldsocks · 28/07/2024 13:18

It is so, so, hard being a lone parent. I was feeling like this recently and called the Samaritans, it helped.

Just makes you feel isolated doesn't it? It's not nice 😔

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BeaRF75 · 28/07/2024 13:25

Please, people, try not to guilt the OP by constantly mentioning her children. She feels the way she feels. Those feelings are valid and she is allowed to share them.
OP, I hope you will contact Samaritans - they will not judge you and they will not tell you what to do. They will listen.

goldsocks · 28/07/2024 13:26

sunshinesummer24 · 28/07/2024 13:20

Just makes you feel isolated doesn't it? It's not nice 😔

Show quote history

No it’s not nice. I understand your feeling. I called them and just talked about how I wasn’t coping with feeling trapped and all the responsibility. They were good and it released the pressure.

BlastedPimples · 28/07/2024 17:12

I too have felt it would be better if I weren't here. I researched and planned how to kill myself.

It's just awful and you can't see a way out.

But your children would suffer horribly if you ended things. Horribly.

Can you visit your GP for some help

Is there any one tiny tiny thing you can change? Just to break the monotony of misery. I went to bed an hour earlier each night. That seemed to make a small difference.

Eventually I exercised more. I'm not great now but not on a pit of darkness.

Sending you strength

slantedroof · 28/07/2024 17:20

What can you do to meet people? There must be groups that meet in the day. Churches often have these and you don’t need to be a Christian to go. Walking groups are popular and you may have one that meets in the day near you. You may be able to do volunteering in the day. If you have a local Facebook group you could ask if there is anyone interested in a day time walking group.

There may be local day time exercise groups etc.

I find I need some sort of social interaction most days of the week to keep on an even keel. Even just going to a group for an hour a day is enough.

Original poster

sunshinesummer24 · 28/07/2024 17:21

BlastedPimples · 28/07/2024 17:12

I too have felt it would be better if I weren't here. I researched and planned how to kill myself.

It's just awful and you can't see a way out.

But your children would suffer horribly if you ended things. Horribly.

Can you visit your GP for some help

Is there any one tiny tiny thing you can change? Just to break the monotony of misery. I went to bed an hour earlier each night. That seemed to make a small difference.

Eventually I exercised more. I'm not great now but not on a pit of darkness.

Sending you strength

As gold socks said, I just feel trapped at the moment can't really do much even don't have the money to go on short breaks with the kids and I'm just soo tired all the time my one year old don't sleep through the night so in the day I'm just soo tired and don't want to do much. I've been trying to eat little and often but don't usually eat til 12-2 by the time the kids are in bed I just want to go bed and it's just a constant cycle of mum life and bed. I don't do much anymore and my one year olds dad is a nightmare too just constantly picks at me all the time. I'm just drained and exhausted and feel I'm not going anywhere in life as I'm always stuck with the kids 24-7 I know that's what parenting is like but when your with someone you share half of everything and you can still go out as they are home with the kids. My weekend has been shit and it's put me off friends because of what happened Friday I just feel alone and isolated at the moment and it really sucks

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Original poster

sunshinesummer24 · 28/07/2024 17:24

slantedroof · 28/07/2024 17:20

What can you do to meet people? There must be groups that meet in the day. Churches often have these and you don’t need to be a Christian to go. Walking groups are popular and you may have one that meets in the day near you. You may be able to do volunteering in the day. If you have a local Facebook group you could ask if there is anyone interested in a day time walking group.

There may be local day time exercise groups etc.

I find I need some sort of social interaction most days of the week to keep on an even keel. Even just going to a group for an hour a day is enough.

At the moment everything is exhausting and I just find myself soo tired all the time. There is a baby group on a Wednesday but I'm unable to go during the holidays and half terms because of the older three children and they can't go to that. Being able to do things is very limited for me due to always having the kids with me that's what I'm finding hard as I feel very alone and isolated at the moment.

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slantedroof · 28/07/2024 17:44

Is there a single parent support network near you?

Original poster

sunshinesummer24 · 28/07/2024 17:47

slantedroof · 28/07/2024 17:44

Is there a single parent support network near you?

I haven't looked if honest

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Namechange285 · 28/07/2024 17:53

I just want to say, I think you're an absolute hero. You're raising four children without any additional help from family and without a big network of support. That, in itself, is a massive, massive achievement. I know it feels like a treadmill of the same things every day with little reward, but this is a moment in time and it WILL pass. There will be brighter days ahead. Take any support you can find. I reached out to mind when I was feeling low and they had some great telephone support. Just to talk things through with an outside person was a massive help. Keep talking on here too. We're all here to support you x

InfoSecInTheCity · 29/07/2024 06:42

When you speak to your GP ask about post natal depression, and ask about for blood tests to check hormone/thyroid levels.

Post natal depression can start any time in the 4 years following giving birth, postpartum thyroiditis affects between 5-10% of new mums and needs different treatments to depression, symptoms include:

&bull;	<a class="break-all" href="https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/symptoms/21206-fatigue" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Fatigue</a>e_.
&bull;	Weight gain.
&bull;	<a class="break-all" href="https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/9290-depression" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Depression</a>n_.
&bull;	<a class="break-all" href="https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/16940-dry-skin" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Dry skin</a>n_.
&bull;	<a class="break-all" href="https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/4059-constipation" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Constipation</a>n_.
&bull;	<a class="break-all" href="https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/symptoms/17669-muscle-pain" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Muscle pain</a>n_.
&bull;	Not having enough breast (chest) milk come in.
&bull;	Hypersensitivity to cold.

InfoSecInTheCity · 29/07/2024 06:43

Sorry, copy and pasted that list and the formatting went weird but you get the gist.

Original poster

sunshinesummer24 · 29/07/2024 09:50

InfoSecInTheCity · 29/07/2024 06:42

When you speak to your GP ask about post natal depression, and ask about for blood tests to check hormone/thyroid levels.

Post natal depression can start any time in the 4 years following giving birth, postpartum thyroiditis affects between 5-10% of new mums and needs different treatments to depression, symptoms include:

&bull;	<a class="break-all" href="https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/symptoms/21206-fatigue" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Fatigue</a>e_.
&bull;	Weight gain.
&bull;	<a class="break-all" href="https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/9290-depression" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Depression</a>n_.
&bull;	<a class="break-all" href="https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/16940-dry-skin" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Dry skin</a>n_.
&bull;	<a class="break-all" href="https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/4059-constipation" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Constipation</a>n_.
&bull;	<a class="break-all" href="https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/symptoms/17669-muscle-pain" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Muscle pain</a>n_.
&bull;	Not having enough breast (chest) milk come in.
&bull;	Hypersensitivity to cold.

I didn't know that? I thought because she's now 15 months that it wouldn't be that. Thank you I'm speaking with the go today 😊

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