My husband and I have been married ten years (both 52 and 2nd marriage for both of us and we both have adult children in their 20s). Some years ago we had a conversation about sexual fantasies, I naively assumed that his would be about people he didn't know or someone attractive in the media. He mentioned that he found his daughter's friend attractive, she was 18 at the time and we were in our 40s. I felt uneasy about this, despite him saying that it was just a fantasy and that he loved me very much. I tried to put it to the back of my mind, but it was always there niggling away.
I began to notice that he stared at younger attractive women, when we were together 8n public. It even happened at a friend's birthday party once, where he very obviously ogled a much younger woman's bottom as he walked behind her. I felt embarrassed and humiliated, not just for me, but also for her! His eyes would be out on stalks if we passed a young attractive woman in the supermarket. We had many rows about this and he said he would stop and he has done largely.
Fast forward and he asked me to show him how to do something on the viewing history of a social media app. There at the top of the searches he had made, was the name of his daughter's friend. She is a 'friend' of his on this site. I immediately confronted him of looking at images of her to sexually fantasize about, which he admitted to. I was gutted, upset, angry etc....He says he is mortified for upsetting me and promised that he won't do it again. He must have been doing this for several years. We've discussed it in counselling, but a level of trust has gone for me now.
I cant bare the thought that she might come to a family get together with his daughter one day. It has seriously knocked my self-confidence and I cant bare for him to see me naked as I now hugely under confident about my menopausal body (comparing myself to hers).
Am I being over the top?