Do these men ever grow up?

[cocolabottles99]

I've met a 40 year old man who wants to date without pressure or expectation, he likes me, and wants to be open to see where things could go and explore his options. He hasn't had a serious, committed relationship in years. He smokes pot every day, in a job he hates, and isn't thinking about having kids yet.

I've made it very clear I am serious about meeting someone and starting a family in the next few years.

So why is he bothering with me? Wanting to waste my time, and his?

I'm annoyed by it. Of course, I will just say no and move on. But do these guys ever grow up? When they're 50 and infertile?

Nah they'll just stay like this forever.

no the question is, why are you bothering with him?

Nope, Im in my 50's myself, have known men like this all my life.

At least he's not future faking.
You know what he can offer (nothing) and he's not pretending to be anything other than what he is.

Sadly, someone will go for his shite offering because 'he tells it like it is' or 'hes a free spirit' whatever, so it's an odds game for him.

Nah, they just want to try and bone whatever they can.

I'm curious - what happens to these men? They stay single and alone?

He's told you what's on offer: nothing.

Do you think he'd make that up if it wasn't true?

Why does he have to grow up? He's been honest with you... take it or leave it!

While its not womens fault or responsibility too many women continue to enable manchild behaviour in a mother/son dynamic.
There is one now on Mumsnet currently digging her own grave.
Dont let them get away with it. Every mum and girlfriend who does it makes it worse.
I get that people want to feelneeded and important in someones life, but we unintentionally create monsters.This applies to parents and partners.

Smokes pot would be the end but he's not wasting your time if anything he's letting you know early what he's like so you can choose to stay or go. If he was wasting your time he'd be playing along to your expectations.

You know Wetherspoons.....

They go there and work in trade unions.

Why would anyone worry about what happens to such losers?
I would just worry about any woman who contemplates for a second dating them.

At least you know with him. There will be a lot of lonely old men in their 60s and beyond. Maybe they'll be sat at home on only fans.
The women will be out enjoying drinks with their female friends.

Yeah, a lot of men are just crap really. At least he's been honest with you.

We have a number of single male friends mostly near or post retirement. Rather than only fans, they're out enjoying themselves, travelling and generally having a good time. So it's not just the women who are OK on their own.

He is grown up. That's just who he is.

Well done for seeing that he's not for you. Some women would waste years thinking he'll change.

But are they this kind of guy? It’s the dead end job and substance abuse that’s the issue here, not the lack of interest in obtaining a wife and kids.

I know a couple of men who never wanted to settle down, and they basically haven’t. In their 50s now, series of girlfriends but nothing serious, own their own homes, good jobs, very active social lives. They seem very happy. Any woman who dated them hoping they’d “grow up” and decide to get married and have kids would have been sadly disappointed.

Thanks yes he won’t change

what annoys me is how clever he thinks he’s been trying to convince me to give him a go

How can you find that attractive? What on earth are you doing with him? There is nothing less sexy than perpetual teenage-hood, it betrays such a lack of depth.

Several things could happen such as meeting a woman who just wants to be casual and also enjoys smoking weed. They often get into situationships with women who think they'll change but they never do or they just shag about.

They end up with desperate women who are not too fussy.

Internet dating is a dream come true for wasters like this.

He wants a shag and he's hoping you're desperate for it and will let him.

I hope he isn't thinking of having kids... ever!

Indeed, however there seems to be a common view that single older men are a bunch of sad sacks, watching porn and only fans. Can't quite get the idea that they may be enjoying their life.

As for this guy, he's stated the way he is which is OK. No reason to be too down on him, lots of women on here as they age are keen on enjoying a variety of partners without ties.