Keeping my name?

[PixieBoom]

I got married in June and originally I was going to keep my surname. I have a very unique surname and it felt too weird to change it, and I'm very close to my dad so it almost felt like a betrayal.

Very last minute I changed my mind because I want me and my DS to have the same surname. However I am now having second thoughts again! I've not yet made any changes to anything other than Facebook.

Can't double barrel it because both our surnames are quite unique and it would just be ridiculous 🙈

If I'm totally honest I don't get how it all works, I thought once you were married that was it, you me bae was changed unless you stated otherwise (I'm aware I sound really stupid)

Has anyone else felt the same? What did you do?

*your name

I have been married a long time. I have never once regretted keeping my name.

I wouldn't change my name if I got married x

I kept mine! My Husband's name sounds rubbish with my forename. If he'd had a better name I would have changed it. I really don't understand why it's such a big deal. My kids have my husband's name as I preferred it with their first names and I don't like double barrel. Never had any issues at all with flying etc.

I mean your son can still have your name and not your husband's. Why should it default to him? Did you discuss it?

If you want to change your name, you do have to actively change it. It doesn’t just change. But it is easier because you have a marriage certificate and don’t have to do it by deed poll.

Whatever you choose to do is totally fine. Me personally, I changed my name. No one in my biological family had the same surname as me other than my dad (he was a bit of a jerk) and died when I was a teenager anyway. I wanted to share a name with my family and my family is essentially dh’s family, so made sense to change my name to theirs. It’s definitely important for me that I have the same name as my dc. They are more my ‘family’ than my parents ever were. It’s been 15 years now and it’s my name. I forget I ever had a different name before and don’t feel any emotional tie to my previous name. Obviously, Dh and I could have made up a new name, but I liked his name and his family so that just seemed the obvious choice.

I double barrelled mine and honestly wish I’d never bothered and just kept my own name as it was.

I’ve never once wished I’d just adopted DH’s name, however the kids are double barrelled as well, so they still have my name regardless.

I kept my surname. Then one day a bully from school turned up at my work as a customer. Said she wouldn’t have recognised me but she recognised my unusual name. So I changed to DH’s name from then on, because I was terrified it would happen again. I genuinely think if a couple of the worse bullies found me, they would go beyond just being mean and actually attempt to hurt me and ruin my life.

But to answer your question - no you don’t have to change, it’s optional and you can do it whenever you like.

I kept my name, and kids are double barreled. Because both our last names are kind of unique, my husband was initially opposed to double barreling as he felt the resulting name was a bit "ridiculous," but after seeing me go through pregnancy and childbirth with our first he felt like my kids deserved my name every bit as much as his. Never had any regrets.

About 90% of women in the U.K. change their name to their husband’s. I find it fundamentally weird that an adult woman would just…change her name.

I've been married over 20 years and never bothered to change my name. The kids have a double barrelled version of DH 2 family names. I honestly don't see any reason to change your name

I haven’t changed my name, my son has my name

I haven't changed it.

My child uses her father's surname.

I presume people presume we're not married (and I don't wear a ring either because I leave them behind on sinks when washing my hands) but IDGAF.

Change your son's name to your name.

It only changes if you want it to, the easy thing if you just change it to your husbands name or double barrel it with his is the only evidence you need of the name change is the marriage certificate. So currently you still have the same name.

You have options, including leaving as is. I changed my name but kept my surname as a second middle name (that required a deed poll but it's super easy and doesn't cost anything). Some keep their original name at work so it still has its place. Some husbands change their name to their wives. Whatever floats your boat.

Do what you want. Judging for whatever choice a women makes is patronising and unnecessary.

I didn't change my name and 17 years on have never regretted it. Its my name. Changing it would be weird.

I do regret not registering the kids with my name though. They have DH's as for some reason I thought it would be mean to him for them not to, since I hadn't. I wish they had mine. Its a better name and I would have liked the link.

Married 30+ years and never considering changing my name for one minute.
It never came up for discussion either with my husband.

I've never changed my name. Nor has my sister or SIL. You just don't need to.

My kids have firstname middlename myname dhname with no double barrel so myname acts as a secondary middle name but it means they have the connection to both parents.

I'm maiden name in work and on all my documents and banking. I'm married name to the school, social media and the neighbours/friends.
Here in Ireland you don't need to officially change, both names are legally mine to use.
Besides I just renewed my licence and passport a couple of years before the wedding so I wasn't paying to change them again.
I've never had any issue having a different surname on documents to DS, if I was travelling just us two I might bring a copy of the marriage cert, but so far we've always travelled as a family.

Keep yours and give it to all DC as well. You've got a legit reason if it's unique and beautiful.

I’ve kept my surname. My DDs have their father’s surname because it’s very unusual and rather special but I was 42 when we got married and didn’t want to switch. The names don’t really work as a double-barrel and I don’t think i’d’ve used it anyway.

Amongst my female friends, it’s probably about 30/70 between those who have kept their surname and those who have taken their husband’s name. I’m also Ms because I don’t want to be defined by my marital status. Men aren’t.

I got married in 1980 and have never changed my name because it seemed such a peculiar thing to do. It has never caused any problems. I opted for my DC have their father's surname because it is a much nicer name than mine, but he would have been fine if I had wanted them to have my name. Having a different name from my DC has never caused any problems either.
My mother was worried people would think we weren't married. It has never bothered me in the slightest.
Do whatever you want.

I kept mine and I have never regretted it. Eleven years married here! I have one regular subscription in my ‘married’ name as I was trying it on for size, and I actively dislike it, and want to change it back.

My son has his dad’s name because it sounded better with his first name (two syllables to my one) but that was the way we made the decision, not by tradition (though I think my v progressive husband is secretly glad. The patriarchy looks after itself, after all)

I've been married for 28 years and kept my maiden name. Didn't change it, never discussed it. So we have separate surnames and it has not mattered one jot.

I have never changed my name.

Dc have both surnames , hyphenated.