Tinder deluge - wtf?

[Slayday]

Signed up to Tinder last night and I'm hoping someone can help me out with wtf I'm supposed to do here.

So far I have 1200 'likes' to deal with. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I guess filter them down to ones nearest to me and by age or something?

Can anyone with experience of Tinder tell me what my next action should be on the site please?

I just picked out a guy ten years younger than me who looks nice and he's been messaging me all morning. That's all I've managed to do, but it all seems very frantic and unmanageable.

Also, why is there not a 'dating' thread topic? Or is there and I cannot see it?

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5102450-dating-thread-249-summer

Worry less about who likes you, and more about who you like.

The software on some dating sites can generate likes automatically, based on the system's identification of some area of compatibility. Quite often, it's age, so if you are 52, female and living in Sussex, you get likes from 52 year old men in places like Norwich, Preston, and Carlisle for no explicable reason.

The men concerned haven't actually seen your profile, but the system thinks that there's a chance of a match, so it creates a like on their behalf.

It's most likely to happen when you have just joined. It's massively encouraging to receive so many likes, which is why the system generates them.

Something which seems even odder is when the artificial likes are actually messages. Some systems can create a message instead of a like. It becomes clear when you see this happening, as all of the messages are identical.

Some systems create something slightly different if you make an enquiry about leaving. That's when a surprising amount of George Clooney look-alike barristers and surgeons suddenly appear.

When you reply, the screen tells you that George sadly left the site yesterday.

As far as the avalanche you get when you join is concerned, the only thing you can do is filter them down by region, I suppose.

Agree. I don’t pay for dating apps so I can’t see who likes me and tbh if I liked them I would have swiped right and we’d have matched.

I guarantee for most of us getting 100’s of likes that we could count on one hand the ones who are vaguely suitable

I had similar but it was on Plenty of Fish. When I first signed up and was actively using the app I was getting about 30 men a day messaging me. The majority of them were not sending articulate messages so I ignored those and only replied to the ones who had put effort into the messages if I wasn't interested.

Tinder is the worst. Brand new accounts are shown to absolutely everyone so in the first 48hrs you'll probably get more traffic than in the next 2 months. I think they do this so you get addicted to the ego boost and swipe madly until you run out, then spend money on all the added extras.

Men on the whole are also a lot less selective than women when swiping and many will swipe right on every profile without really looking, and will only read your bio if you match.

You don't have to deal with all the 1200 likes, unless you pay to actually view who liked you you'll probably not even come across half of them. Set your age range and distance filters to something you're happy with and you can always expand it later down the line when you're more comfortable with the process.

Last time I tried Tinder I limited myself to something like 20 swipes per day to try and make myself think a bit more about which way I was swiping. I didn't message first unless there was something really special about the guys profile, and didn't reply to "Hey" or "👋" as an opening message as it's such low effort. You have to be brutal with your matches and block anyone with a red flag or you'll just end up drowning in a sea of dead end conversations with men who can't string a sentence together or just want to keep you on the back burner as a potential booty call.

Having said all that I'm far from an expert, I've never lasted more than a few weeks on Tinder because I get utterly fed up of all the crap you have to deal with. 😂

Thanks for the info. It seemed v suspicious coz I had barely completed my profile and had 30 likes already which didn't seem possible. I hate the thought Tinder is putting me forward to whoever claiming I had liked them.

Anyway, I have got a date with the guy I liked earlier so I guess that's not a bad result. Also have started chatting with some guy from eharmony that I reached out to first. going v well.

Both very concerned about my intentions and if I am serious. They both seem quite worried about them being one of many.

I will not pay again I don't think. i didn't realise that was a way around it - to maintain control by just liking who you like and ignoring the likes back. Great tip thanks.

I will filter tthe likes list to narrow it down whilst I have the paid version for a month and then not renew.

Currenty have 1331 and counting.

thanks @Gofo for the thread!

I have no idea who likes me but all it says is "99+". That's because i don't pay.

I haven't really found it helpful to pay for it, it can get you matches quicker but a lot of the people liking you are often just swiping through and swiping right on every vagina owner they come across. My friend who is a man and also on tinder (and no i am not interested in dating him), barely gets any matches and he's been complaining about it. I on the other hand get shit tons of matches and therefore paying just means i have to sift through all the people i do not want to date.

I just focus on who I like, and if I match with them then great. I've got 6 on the go at the moment. One is already a no because he thinks calling me sexy and asking for photos is acceptable, 1 is buggering off to california for work for a month, 1 is illiterate... so this is how it goes. The one I had a 3rd date last week was a reminder that you don't get attached too quickly and get charmed into bed with them because they will just bugger off afterwards... so having learned that lesson again after being in LTRs and single... I have adjusted my behaviour accordingly and i'm back out there.

It's like data entry but worse.

Thankfully, I'm not really after anything serious I just want to get taken out occassionally and 'courted'. So old fashioned haha. Then I'm just looking for chemistry and the rest will just take on a life of its own. I draw the line at sex. Lots has to happen before I have sex with someone.

I totally believe most men would swipe right at anyone, then wait to get a response before even checking out the profile. It kind of makes sense in a way for them to do that as they don't get the same amount of attention as women. It's a numbers game for them and a quality game for us.

In my mind it's like this: The apps are there to get the date, not to get the husband. The date will lead to the romantic connection, the romatic connection leads to sex and the relationship (whicheverway around), the relationsip leads to the husband (if that's what you want).

It's less daunting looking at it like that. Tinder is just a gateway to getting a date. Once you get the date a whole new set of rules kick in and the online aspect just melts into significance. Each stage is a means to an end.

Men absolutely never read the profiles just look at the pretty pictures 🤣🤣

I always put on my dating profile that anyone sending hi or 👋 as a first message will get unmatched as low effort - I’d say 75% of my first messages are either hi or 👋

Read the words ffs!!

Wow. I thought one like a week was good going!!!

Yup. "So what do you do?"

FML. It says IN MY PROFILE.

Yeah assume that the men haven’t read your profile - I put in mine don’t match with me unless you’ve looked at my full length pics. I’m plus sized and if you don’t fancy larger women then don’t bother. So many men start the “hi sexy, so what do you do?” I tell them it’s in my bio, along with a message to check out my pics. Then they unmatch. Men on OLD sites are lazy. And then they wonder why they’re not getting dates.

To be fair that could just be the vibe you give off though, it's pretty aggressive going back to them with that.

@Slayday

It's a little unusual that both dates have said that they are "very concerned about [your] intentions and [whether] [you] are serious" and that "both seem quite worried about them being one of many".

Just remember. The odds are good, but the goods are odd

I know. Both are texting me furiously today sending me photos of their cars, grown up daughters, gym equipment etc. One's a banker and one's an estate agent. Both have asked for honesty and outright if I'm seeing anyone else. One has fessed up he's chatting to another lady and been on four dates in six months that have not worked out. The other has been on two dates in eight months. Both have said they are looking for long-term, no BS and asked me back. I just say I'm looking for chemistry at this point. They seem very worried about dating someone who is putting it about :)

If anyone said to me 'hi sexy' i'd literally report them.

Well I wouldn't but ffs I would never even entertain speaking to them.

🤣

Hey sexy is pretty tame compared to some of the first messages I’ve had.

I honestly had someone send as an opening contact - it would be remiss of me not to mention your cracking tits. And another asked if I like young men with massive dicks. Me and my mates got a whole gallery of screenshotted grim OLD messages we’ve received. It’s funny but 🤢

Just be ready to unmatch delete and block - there’s a lot of wronguns out there

You'll find browsing the likes that you hate most of them, so your mutual like list will be a lot less. I used to have a minimum word limit set on pof, that got rid of anyone saying "Hi, how's you", except some who filled words by moaning about the word limit 😂

Are these 1300 guys youve already swiped right on??
Thats a lotta sausage, and the problem with OLD. Why commit to anyone when there's a fresh dick along every minute.

I have not swiped right on any. Or left for that matter. It’s at 2133 now. The only exception is the ten years younger guy who hearted coz I thought he looked nice and he is! The likes are all just sitting there and the number is just going up and up.

. Also have started chatting with some guy from eharmony that I reached out to first. going v well.

Be careful with eharmony, I saw a few people posting on here about how difficult it is to cancel and they keep charging you.

Thanks for tip. I managed to cancel and got money back yesterday. Am on fee version now. Have bought month ticket on Tinder but wil not renew.

The shirtless pics of 50 year olds tho 😶🤢