Tricky to know where to start, sorry for the long post!
So I am mid 30s and have a brother who is 5 years younger. I have been married for 5 years now and my husband and I had planned to try for our first baby this year.
My brothers relationship has always been strained with me and my parents since early teens. I know everyone has moments with their siblings but he has always been a very difficult character, even as a child. He cannot listen to rules (works for himself as he couldn’t hold down a job working for someone else, refused to go to school sometimes as a child, is very hot headed, had an alcohol/gambling addiction in the past which is now finally resolved etc) and me, my husband and parents always feel we are walking on eggshells around him. He caused a scene at mine and my husbands wedding by getting so drunk, I let it go at the time but it still hurts that he did this on my wedding day.
His life is pretty chaotic, he is like a walking whirlwind and anytime we see him we come away exhausted and mentally drained. Thankfully, he does live over 3 hours away from me and my parents with his long term girlfriend so the distance does help. He earns well in his job but is totally irresponsible with his money, buying lavish dinners out, watches, trainers and expensive handbags for his girlfriend etc.
He has always suffered with anxiety and struggles to manage this and his wellbeing himself. Whenever he is struggling he is straight on the phone to my parents saying he can’t cope etc which causes us all to worry about him frequently as he won’t seek help himself. My poor Mum loses so much sleep over him and I do too. We care about him so much but he never seems to realise we have our own lives and worries of our own.
A couple of months back my brother and his girlfriend announced they are expecting a baby. I am happy for them but also felt a huge wave of sadness at the announcement.
My parents are happy for them but understandably laid awake at night worrying about how he will manage it all and if his mental health will worsen.
I feel so self centred saying this but the whole situation has put such a dampener on my husband and I trying for a baby.
I worry my parents will think ‘oh gosh a second to worry about’ when they are only just getting their heads around my brother’s news.
I also worry about my own wellbeing and can’t imagine being pregnant/having a newborn of my own and worrying about my brother and his new child and the toll on my parents wellbeing if things become bad.
My husband and I have held off trying since the news, but we feel we are putting our lives on hold 😔. I am annoyed we waited so long as I wish we could have given my parents their first grandchild with not much to worry about as we are completely self sufficient and stable in our marriage.
Anyway, just wanted to vent somewhere and see if anyone else has had a similar family situation and how you handled this?
I know there is no easy solution but it really is getting me down.
Thanks for reading 🌻 x