I broke up with him so he booked us a holiday

[Ame1924]

Hi guys, I left my ex a few months ago, since then he hasn't left me alone, he's not accepting the relationship is over. Calling me pathetic and a weirdo everytime I remind him we are together. He's making my life hell. He needs go get some self respect! Everytime he picks the baby up he starts crying and getting emotional saying he misses me etc

(Before anyone suggests blocking him, I have a 6 month old baby with him it's not really an option)

His most recent stunt is booking us a holiday. He's shown me the proof of this with screen shots, I'm absolutley fuming! He's bot respecting what I want and doing his best to force a relationship

I dont know what to do anymore, I feel bad that if I don't go he will miss out on over a grand but I don't want to go! I don't know what possessed him to do such a stupid thing!

Any advice

I don’t feel bad about it costing him a grand. You should be mad, that money could have been used for parenting but priorities hey? Just tell him you’re only engaging if it’s about your child.

U do not go. It his problem not urs. This is deliberate

Block him on everything except one mode of communication that is about the child only. Do not get into conversation about anything else.
Get someone else to do pick up/drop off with him. And make it clear that you’re not going on the holiday.

Block him
Use email to make arrangements for the baby
Don't go on holiday

Not your problem he’s wasted money.

I don't know what possessed him to do such a stupid thing!

Because he thinks you will feel responsible and go, it’s called manipulation. If you went, the manipulation would increase because it would have worked this time. You might need support in helping you find some distance from this arsehole. Contact doesn’t have to include you, a third party that you trust can do it or a contact centre.

Don't feel bad about his stupid decisions. You absolutely can minimise contact if he is going to persist in harassing you. Stick as far as possible to written methods of making arrangements and make sure that you have a clear record of emphasising that your relationship is over.

If you're allowing him into your home to see the baby, stop because he's sounding a little unhinged. Only take the baby to public places to see him.

I don't know what possessed him to do such a stupid thing!

Of course you do, it's all in your OP. He's trying to 'force' a relationship and knows you'll 'feel bad' that he's wasted money if you don't go.

You need to go icy cold with this man. If he tries to emotionally blackmail you 'oh I've spent all this money now' you simply shrug and say 'that's a problem entirely of your own making' and then only speak to him about your child - ever.

So he’s calling you pathetic and a weirdo and yet he wants to go on holiday with you! He has chosen to waste money to try and force you into a holiday. Not the actions of a good caring man or dad. Is he good with the baby or is he just coming round to see the baby to get at you?

You have to keep away from this controlling man and just limit your contact to baby visitation arrangements only.

Trust me I've been thinking that for a while now!

I don't know what possessed him to do such a stupid thing!

You do. He's refusing to take no for an answer. He thinks that he just needs to be persistent and you'll give in and that he can guilt trip you about the money he's spent.

When was the last time you booked a holiday with someone who didn't want to spend time with you? Yep, that's right, NEVER. He's being an immature pest. He could cancel, or change your name over and go with someone else - either way don't get involved and let him sort his own stupid mess out.

I would also move to text only about arrangements for access. Ignore any messages which are guilt tripping. If he starts carrying on when he collects your DC then tell him you aren't together anymore, you aren't discussing this any further and he needs to take DC and get on with his day because there is nothing further to say.

There's a high chance it will escalate and he could harm you or the infant.

He is t accepting that you have split up and that he can't have you.

I would not allow him into your home and arrange for him to see baby at a trusted relatives house.

It will escalate unless you make clear boundaries.

Do not go on the holiday. It's his money to lose, go alone or take someone else.

What were the circumstances of the break up? I'd be in pieces too and find it hard to accept if I'd broken up when I had such a small baby with someone. No excuse for calling you names though of course.

Sounds wonderful - go on holiday to be verbally abused (woohoo).

He's not even trying to be a better person for the relationship. Do the best for your child and hold fast.

This would be a very long story to tell

The short version is
Lack of help and support during and straight after pregnancy

Verbally abusive

Slightly controlling

Drinking problems

Turning up at my home to harras me

Sending 200 messages some days. abusive/harrasing messages

And alot more

It's a form of control.
He is using it to guilt you into going.
If you don't go he will guilt you into not going.

Either way, definitely don't go.

@Ame1924 he is trying to control you. Do not go on the holiday. I think you may need some professional help to deal with this, I am no expert but 200 messages a day and booking you a holiday is crazy. You need to limit contact (even messaging) to practical stuff only.

This.

Calling you names . Doesn’t respect boundaries.
Total manipulation .
If you go on holiday now it’s the start of more to come .
It’s going to be tough but you have to stand up to him now. . I’d get someone else to do the picking and dropping up and I would use emails and Block him .

He is harassing you OP.

you can report him for this even if you have a child together. It's stalking - and it's a form of abuse.

You can move to controlled contact - via email - via another person? A trusted family member?

Please report him - it's a way of controlling you

It’s clear as day that your ex is trying to manipulate you but if you are finding it difficult to see through his behaviour I think you would benefit from some counselling. You could try giving Women’s Aid a call for recommendations on books to read too.

You need to contact a lawyer or women’s aid to start with. .

Get yourself support and distance. .If he continues get an injunction order .

He's desperately trying to keep his control over you - and it's working isn't it? You're talking about going on this stupid holiday that he booked without consulting you, just because otherwise he's wasted money for nothing.

OP, you don't go. It's as simple as that. You tell him you're not going, that he wasted money for nothing, that you're not getting back with him and you're not going on holiday with him, not now, not ever. And you report his harassment to the police. Speak to Women's Aid, if you need help and support, but baby or no baby, you owe him nothing. He's a controlling and abusive and he has a problem with drink. You absolutely did the right thing by splitting up. It's a shame you a DC with this person, but you do. I'd be getting legal advice, if it were me.

The money should have been spent on your babt, dont feel guilty, so what if he loses money, he can go on his own instead of playing happy families. Block the phone, emails only for child issues, contact the police if he gets abusive or harasses you, get legal advice about child custody and visitation, hide your passport and refuse to engage unless it's about the baby,

I don’t think this man is ‘slightly controlling’.
He is hugely controlling.

Call Womens aid for advice and support.
He has wasted his money.
Do not go on holiday.
Call the police when he starts to verbally abuse you.
You do not have to tolerate this bullshit.