Sister in law

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My mother in law is terrible with money, she's not elderly per say just turned 60 but hasn't worked in years.
She whittles her money away and leaves herself skint all the time.

She's just moved and I had to help do it all as DH was busy working & his sister couldn't be arsed not even to come up for one weekend to help her move despite having her own van.
I got her the property as she was struggling to do the forms on her phone. I spent months chasing to get her sorted. While my sister in law did absolutely nothing, even accused me ironically enough at one point of not helping her mother when I've done literally everything.

The problem is now MIL is stuck without money. She messed up with her bills, thinking her rent would be cheaper when it's not. Now she has no money for food or petrol. She keeps texting me saying she has nothing and I've told her to ask my sister in law as we don't have enough to lend (and frankly why should I after being run into the ground for months while her daughter ignores it all!) and mil still keeps saying she has no money.

Would it be wrong of me to text my sister in law and explain that I've done everything for her mother and she now needs to put her hand in her pocket and help her out?

I have my own parents who have health problems, my kids have disabilities and so do I and I feel like my sister in law has massively took advantage of me here and I'm feeling furious. Am I wrong to feel like this?

I'd get your DH to message his sister. Don't get caught in the middle of this.

You're not wrong to feel the way you do; you've been a massive help to your MIL, but you need to stop, or at least step back. I wouldn't text your SIL about the situation; she knows. Direct your MIL to text/call her daughter for help; you've done your bit.

Not wrong of you to text her, no, of course not - but what is your DH, her actual SON, doing?? Sounds like he's delegated his duties to you, just like his sister. Stop being a mug.

Don’t text SIL there will be a fall out. What does your DH say?

Tell your dh he is as selfish as his sister expecting you to carry this load and you wash your hands of his whole family? He can go visit his sister and nut out the plan for their mum.

It's MIL that's the problem here. At 60 she should be capable of managing her own finances or getting a job if she hasn't got enough money.

I'd drop the rope, but don't expect SIL to pick it up.

I don't get why you're so involved with your husband's mum. She has two children who she can speak to about money so tell her to go to the citizens advice to discuss her money problems or speak to her children. Stay out of it

Sorry I didn't explain great DH did help her move her stuff on the day, he's been round to the old house and done all the gardening & cleaned the carpets/house so she can get her deposit back (believe me that was a task and a half in itself. It wasn't very clean at all.)
He's moved other stuff for her as she was disorganised and didn't have most of it ready for the van either so he has done what he can inbetween working.

DH says we need to stop helping now and step back as she's becoming to reliant on us and that his sister needs to step up as we've already given his mother a fair amount of money to help her get by. And to ignore his mums messages to me.

Maybe there’s a good reason your SIL isn’t helping her mum any more?

Your MIL is only 60, she needs to get a job, learn to stop “whittling away” her money and stop scrounging off her children.

I would tell your MIL to text your DH next and then let him deal with it. Seems like he's passing the buck by telling you what to tell the MIL. Let him tell her himself... and his Sister

No there's no good reason, she just expects me to pick the slack and do it hence why she had a go at me over text saying I wasn't helping her mum.

Just to check again that it's not a typo and MIL is in fact 60 and not 80 ?

Does she have health issues or learning disabilities? A 60 year old adult who presumably doesn't work should have enough time to clean her own flat.

If there is some genuine reason she can't work maybe DH could help her try to get PIP.

If not you've got another 20+ years of this to come, I don't blame Dsis for not giving her money- why should she ?

She's partially sighted hence why she couldn't the manage the forms on her phone or clean yet she does drive so I don't know how bad it really is.

I just wish she'd stop complaining to me/asking me for money when I've already said we can't afford to give her money.
I ignored it the first few times and she kept repeating herself. I feel like Dsis should be dealing with this and getting this sort of messages not me but if I say to her to stop I will no doubt feel bad or be guilted into it by the sister!

You sound like a lovey caring person and she is taking advantage of you. Step back now for your own self and your own family. The MIL is 60 so fully adult enough to sort out her own affairs. Don't let her sponge off you anymore and if your SIL moans to you about it block her as well.

Next time you get a request, don't explain or apologise, just one word will suffice... NO!

She's partially sighted and drives? Doesn't sound right. Your husband and his sister need to sort this out between themselves. Mute his sister, send phone calls straight to Voicemail and step back.

The eyesight situation sounds odd and it doesn't feel like she should be allowed to drive, but maybe just keep out of that can of worms.

Just be very blunt and say No every time she asks for money. She does it because you gave her money before. I can't see why you expect Dsis to give her money, but that's her business, just keep saying No to everyone, unless you have enough money that you can both give up work at 60 on decent pensions and I suspect the answer to that is that you don't.

Okay, I will just keep saying no I don't have it and will block dsis if she tries to contact me again over it.
Just finding it very stressful after spending months sorting everything for her without so much as a thank you.

Tell her to go to the citizens advice who can make a referral to a foodbank if she's got nothing. She can also contact Turn2us to see if she's receiving everything she's entitled to.

Meanwhile act like a stuck record and step back.

It should be your husband and SIL dealing with your MIL. Why on earth did she move to somewhere more expensive when she was already running g out of money?

A million per cent this.

You've done more than you really should have done. It's between your DH and his sister to sort their mother out. If she is really as badly off as you say, I'd be advising you to go "broken record" on her at this point by saying one of the following responses when she contacts you:
1 - "I'm sorry MiL, we don't have any spare either. I suggest you contact SiL for help"
2 - "I'm sorry MiL, but you need to get yourself to the Citizens Advice office to see if they can help you out. We can't."
3 - "I'm sorry MiL but you need to take that up with your son and your daughter, not me"

Mix them up if you need to but you need to back away now. She is not your responsibility and you have to accept that if a situation arises where neither your husband nor your SiL steps up, that you have to stay away too and let someone else deal with it.

Your mother in law needs to go and get herself a job. She can also clean up after herself. Next time she asks for money, send her a job search link.

if you do t deal with this now, you could have another 30 years of this crap!

It was supposed to be cheaper but she's added things onto her rent. I can't go into to much detail without outting myself.
She also told me the wrong things so I thought it'd be cheaper and turns out in hindsight it's not!