Would this put men off?

[Clumsy12345]

I would like to start dating again however my ex has the children at my house, would I be able to date in this situation or will men find it too weird? Is anyone in this situation and did it put people off? I am looking for a long term relationship (I’m guessing it will be less of a problem in a casual one) also I’m not 100% certain he would have the children here whilst I go out on dates as he confessed to still having feelings for me (absolutely no chance would I go back there and told him) and I don’t think I would be able to lie and pretend I was going out with friends as he knows I don’t really have any. Would I be able to meet someone or would this put people off?

it doesn’t matter if he knows them; i don’t so my children aren’t going there, he doesn’t know them well as they tend to change often (every 6 months or so) they also have friends round meaning anyone can have access to my children. anyway that’s not the point of this thread as my children aren’t sleeping there and he isn’t bothered by that and is happy to see them here.

from what i’ve seen on here and pretty much every other website 99% of single mums say they will never live with a man again. of course when we have been together for a while he can then come here and eventually meet my children without ex here. this would just be in the early stages of dating till i’ve met someone i see a future with (ready to introduce the kids which wouldn’t be for a while)

I mean, of course he is happy about it. It means he still sees you all the time in your space. Given that he still has feelings, it's win-win for him. You not so much.

I wouldn't touch this situation if I wanted anything long-term. It has potential drama written all over it, and I would likely advise male friends against it if asked for that reason.

it’s not really much different to ‘nesting’ which some parents do, and they date in that time.

Same. If my (very respectable) brothers or male friends ever ran this by me I’d call the woman myself and tell her to stay the heck away from them 😆

Well no I wouldn’t really of course lol but yeah I’d advise them against it. It’s just not something they’d entertain though so I wouldn’t even have to tell them.

Good point.

It’s all relative, we have different social norms depending on our circles and background etc.

This just wouldn’t be a thing that would happen or be tolerated by anyone in my friendship or even wider social circle, but to be fair I can imagine some people I grew up with from my hometown might entertain this kind of set up.

we’re all different!

The father of your children should make it a priority to get himself a place that is suitable for them.

By allowing him to use your place you're blurring the boundaries of your relationship plus he probably thinks it helps him get a foot in the door to getting back together.

He needs to find somewhere or use a relatives place or get a regular air b&b or something.

If you're looking for a long term relationship you need to be doing it from a long term set up, which yours is not.

You might be fine with your ExH hanging out at your house. I'm fairly open minded, but I wouldn't get involved in a relationship where a man's ex wife was at home with the kids, and round regularly to see them.

Is there a reason that your Ex can't host his children? And is this an indefinite arrangement or is there a plan for him moving on so you can?

No no plans that I’m aware of and I’ve been waiting long enough. If I wait any longer the kids will be adults before I can date again.

He should see the children at relatives' homes, then, or at a hotel or whatever. I really wouldn't view this as sustainable.

He has no family and I doubt he could afford a hotel/b&b eow.

I guess I don’t have to tell men early dating that my ex is at my house, I will say they are with their father (true) then later on I can explain the situation it’s not like anyone is going to ask if that’s at my house. I wouldn’t bring any men to my house for a long time anyway

I think you need to make peace with the prospect of short term relationships if this is the case.

Exactly. It's only sensible to not let someone meet your kids for at least a year anyway. Absolutely normal. By then anything could have changed. You have nothing to lose by going for it op. If it doesn't work, you haven't lost anything you have at the moment.

When I was dating I was in the same situation, dd wouldn't go to her dads cos of his girlfriend. So she was always in, so I couldn't take anyone home anyway. I had a half dozen short relationships, before deciding I preferred being single anyway. Not one of the men, expressed any concern whatsoever that they didn't go to mine very often. We actually did sometimes, eg when my ex took the girls on holiday/days out which was probably at least 30 days of a year. I didn't want any of those relationships to turn serious, but if I had have done, I'd have crossed that bridge when I got to it.

I think that's quite a significant bit of information to keep in your back pocket for a year, especially as it isn't a temporary emergency measure during house renovations or a move or whatever, its the accepted status quo.

If you're looking for someone who will be ok with it I'd be up front from the start. Some people wouldn't be bothered, some would, and surely you're better off not wasting a year on the latter? I wouldn't like that omission to be revealed 12 months in.