Wasting my time?

[italiansummer]

I met my partner almost 9 years ago and I'm now 32. I have always kind of felt an imbalance in our relationship and like I hard to work to be good enough for him as he wouldn't be "official" for a very long time. We have lived together for a few years now and feel like we are at a standstill. He has known for a long time that I want to get married and I feel he just keeps putting me off. He had also been very avoidant when it comes to the subject of kids but has recently admitted he really doesn't want them. I am still not 100% sure if I do so that's not a complete deal breaker for me. I think he just doesn't make me feel valued. He is quite dismissive of my opinions and his views are always more important. We spend loads of time with his family and friends but he never spends any time with mine. He rarely helps around the house and again I feel I have to work harder in terms of chores, walking the dog. I also really don't like where we live and want to move but he has outright said he doesn't want to so we're not.

I recently told him I have doubts about our future and I have been unhappy for a while. He's now acting a lot nicer and helping around the house etc. When I asked him what's changed he said it's because I have been nice to him for a change. I think he is trying to bring more to the relationship but I just don't know if I could be happy with him and in a house that I don't like coming home to. I think I am just venting this all out but part of me loves him and wants to try and scared to start over. But the other part of me is worrying that I am just wasting my time here and should get out?

There seems to be too many downsides to this relationship. Only you know but to me it sounds like you should call it a day.

Sounds like its time to make a plan and leave.

If he is making you feel low and not valued, it will continue to eat away at your self esteem the longer you are with him until you feel like you are not good enough to leave and find someone else.

But you are good enough and he isn't. He knows this and is trying to keep you in a substandard relationship because he knows you can do much better than him.

Is he worth sacrificing your life to? Doesn't sound like it. I hope you find someone who is worth it.

Yeah I do feel much less confident in my self right now and internalising this as being something wrong with me. I think I'm just holding out hope that things will change and he will commit etc but I think 9 years is probably long enough to know that it won't and definitely don't want to be in this position in another 5 years time and feeling so bad about myself

Even if he 'commits' i.e. proposes nothing will change OP. He's not going to magically become a different person.

If you leave him and two minutes later he's with someone new and has kids etc with them then all that tells you is that you were a placeholder, not that you should have hung on longer.

He is not your person. Grab hold of your life and start living it - without him.