Men who leave after a baby

[MadamDragon44]

What are your first thoughts if you hear that a man has left a woman within 6 months of them having a baby together?

I'm very much of the opinion that there is no such thing as trapping. If he didn't want to risk a baby he could have done something about it. And regardless once a baby is conceived it's too little too late and to deny a child a parent- to deny YOUR child YOU as their actual parent. To me it's monstrous.

As for the op I judge harshly until proven otherwise. I believe good men have children that they love and commit to but they leave their partner not their child. I believe in those men, but I've yet to meet one. The kind who ditch kids or only have them to reduce their financial obligations , generally with "crazy ex wives"- those men, well, I've met dozens.

I’d want to know how serious the relationship had been before the pregnancy. If they’d only been together a few months and it was unplanned at an early stage in the relationship I’d have some sympathy that the relationship was never going to last. But I would be expecting him to be putting considerable effort into supporting the mother and bonding with the child.

true...

So he has a vasectomy.

I know a guy who did this to his wife when their IVF baby was 4 months old. They had been together since their early 20's. He said he couldn't cope with the changes that came with a baby and has minimal contact with his son. He is despicable in my opinion.

yes he could...

’left a woman’ and ‘having a baby together’ to me imply that it was not a casual or new relationship where a woman just happened to get pregnant. This was a serious relationship. It does not particularly matter if they were actively ttc.

I would think he was a horrible human being. The first year of having a baby is hard and unless there is abuse, you need to stick it out and learn how to be a parent and good partner.

if it was a casual relationship, he has no obligation to stay. However, I would expect him to secure housing as close as possible to the mother so he could be involved in the infant’s life on a daily basis.

Are you going to share your thoughts OP?

I think maybe she realised he wasn't up to it and chucked him out.

The fact is, probably the majority of kids born, shouldn't have been. People are far too haphazard with creating whole new lives these days.

It's a dangerous buisness. Damaging to the woman. Damaging to relationships. Costly. The world's not in a good place for it. And there are enough kids without mum's and dad's already without making more.

I want to sympathise with the mother but...she took a mad, unnecessary risk and it backfired. Such is life.

I think a large proportion of men don't actually want babies. It's more the women that want them. They go ahead and have a "contraception failure" and then the man has no choice but to stay because leaving would make him a cunt.

As you've all just said they are.

Hello there 1950s.

well we have very little to go on do we? the op has asked the question and then left... there are any number of reasons... we can pluck ideas out of the air all night... my example was on of many i could have used....

Wouldn’t think anything particularly, it’s none of my business.

Broadly speaking, there’s always two sides to a story,

Sorry, haven’t had time to come back til now. I’m going to drip feed some info because I’d like to see how it affects what people think

In the scenario I’m talking about, the baby was their second and planned.

He says he left because of her nagging and that she was controlling and, in his words, spoke to him like shit.

Her nagging might end the relationship but it should never end the relationship between the father and child.
If any man says they don't want contact with the child because he doesn't like the mother.... CUNT plain and simple

As (almost) always, the first post nails it!

Should add that he still sees child regularly, multiple times a week

Maybe the relationship was already hanging by a thread & having a baby wasn't going to save it. Maybe he didn't want a baby in the first place. Stress. The responsibility of parenthood. Or, quite simply, he's an areshole. Could be a whole number of reasons.

My thoughts are that there are very, very few reasons that leaving a postpartum woman could ever be excusable. Aside from abuse or substance problems I can’t really think of anything that makes it remotely ok

I would wonder why she was nagging or being controlling? My hot take is she probably expected him to step up and support her and he did sweet FA.

So has she got suspected postnatal then? Is that what you mean?

She’s had postnatal MH issues, yes, but not severe.
i meant more that I don’t think it’s acceptable to leave a partner in the months after they’ve given birth to your child.

That's spot on.
My thoughts, as a child free woman, are that he should have thought with his other head and stay single.

How long should they wait?

While I do think a man should stay if they have a baby, at least for a few years to do the 'hard stuff', and is a complete arse if he leaves during that period...

...the flip-side is that having a baby is not a get out of jail free card for being a right cow as a woman either. Babies are often absolutely used as a golden ticket to justify and forgive EVERYTHING a woman does for seemingly a good five years after having a child.

It's a difficult time for both, and very often the support and sympathy goes exclusively to the mother.

But yeah, nine times out of ten, the guy's a dick.