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Original poster

Worried son may become victim of a romance scammer

46 replies

Patsyanna · 20/07/2024 08:17

My 42 year old son has lived in America for the last 20 years. We are in the UK. He was married to a girl out there but they split a couple of years ago though very amicably. Still spent a lot of time with her and her 2 grown up children. That was until very recently. 2 weeks ago he met a 29 year old girl on a dating site. They haven't met in person yet but he is absolutely smitten by her, she is love bombing him like crazy and they are planning a future together. She lives 430 miles away and he is planning to drive to see her for the first time next weekend and stay in an Airbnb, apparently she lives with her mother. He phoned last weekend to tell us he'd met someone with an air of this is the one, my new life partner. Also proudly announced it on his FB page. We said this is far too sudden and warned him she could be some sort of scammer etc. We are so worried but so far away. He knows we are only concerned for his welfare and love him too much to want to see him hurt or taken for a ride. Has anyone experienced something similar or have any tips on what we could say to him if anything? Thanks in advance.

OP posts:
SallyWD · 20/07/2024 08:48

I understand your concern. I mean it could be totally legit - two lonely people who met online. Happens all the time.
Surely once he actually meets her, he'll get a sense of whether she's genuine or not?
I don't think there's much you can actually do. Even if he lived around the corner from you, he's a middle aged man who can do as he pleases, including making his own mistakes. You've warned him to be careful, you've told him of your concerns. What more can you do? I'm sure you'll be there to support him if it all goes wrong.

LittleRedY0shi · 20/07/2024 08:57

It's clearly moving unusually fast but is there anything that's concerning you apart from that? Any hint of trying to get money out of him, is he vulnerable, etc?

It could just be a whirlwind romance - from the way he's behaving, he could be lovebombing her as much as she is him. If there are no other factors, I think you need to give them the benefit of the doubt. If you do turn out to be right further down the line, he's more likely to listen to you if you were 'on side' to begin with, rather than raising concerns from the start without much to base them on.

TheCadoganArms · 20/07/2024 08:58

I have to confess he does not sound very emotionally mature if he is announcing his feelings on Facebook and is totally smitten with someone he has never met. Who reached out and made contact first? Do you know what she looks like (typically the scam profiles have a ludicrously good looking young women with overtly sexual tones to it). Be honest, is he the sort of person a 29 would be chasing?

Original poster
Patsyanna · 20/07/2024 09:28

She posted on his Fb wall a long elaborate message about being under his spell etc, how handsome he is, repeating it, how much in love she is. She is attractive in a sense, very curvy, botox and big lip enhancements. Pictures are provocative and pouting. There are sexual tones

OP posts:
SamW98 · 20/07/2024 09:33

Hmm I work in financial crime and there’s a few red flags here.

Do you know if she’s ever asked for money?

Its worth doing a reverse image search in her photos to see if anything comes up.

FindThatThing · 20/07/2024 09:37

Hard to feel sorry for these kind of men, tbh.
He’s in it for her looks, yourh and sex.
So what if she (possibly - no one actually knows) has her own reasons….

TheCadoganArms · 20/07/2024 09:39

SamW98 · 20/07/2024 09:33

Hmm I work in financial crime and there’s a few red flags here.

Do you know if she’s ever asked for money?

Its worth doing a reverse image search in her photos to see if anything comes up.

Quite.

Is he driving all the way to meet her in her home town or somewhere in between? I would be wary when the 'I cant afford to travel can you pay for that' requests or the 'my mum is really poorly and needs an operation for x but I can't afford it, what am I going to do' type of thing.

I admit I am a colossal cynic so the idea of an otherwise attractive young woman chasing after a 40 something man seven hours drive away raises all sorts of alarms.

Carrotsandgrapes · 20/07/2024 09:53

I guess it could be genuine, but there are a lot of red flags here.

Have you done the reverse image check? That's often the fastest, easiest way to catch out this type of scam. (Though AI is making this less true now)

FairyLightBan · 20/07/2024 09:57

It does look scammy. Can you do some delving into her past? On Facebook? How long has she been on there? Look at her friends/family. Google her name etc. Good luck and let us know

Original poster
Patsyanna · 20/07/2024 09:58

He is intending to drive all the way in a fairly old car!
How do I do a Reverse Image scan please? Never heard of that

OP posts:
SamW98 · 20/07/2024 10:02

Can you see her fb? Does it look genuine - lots of friends, photos with other people, friends that match her profile etc?

Im sure your son is lovely but I’d have concerns why a genuine 29 year old woman posting sexually provocative photos is head over heels with a divorced man over a decade her senior that she’s never met

As I said I do financial crime as a job and cat fishing is very common. If you want to send me a link to her fb page by PM I’m happy to do some digging

SamW98 · 20/07/2024 10:03

Patsyanna · 20/07/2024 09:58

He is intending to drive all the way in a fairly old car!
How do I do a Reverse Image scan please? Never heard of that

https://tineye.com/

Drop her photos in here

ViciousCurrentBun · 20/07/2024 10:07

People in their twenties do not touch FB generally it’s for old people according to DS.

Watchkeys · 20/07/2024 10:14

Is he in some way debilitated or incapable of making his own decisions, @Patsyanna? You're worried about this woman, you're worried about him making the journey in an old car...he's a middle aged man, who is possibly about to make a big mistake. You've told him what you think, and explained to him what you think the risks are. What more do you feel you could do?

He's responsible for himself, isn't he?

We did a reverse image search when my dad was in the same situation, found the exact image he had on a porn site, and he still insisted that it was someone else, and his girl was genuine.

It happens, but you can't convince an adult to stop believing something they want to believe.

Sethera · 20/07/2024 10:28

How are his finances? Is he well off?

Original poster
Patsyanna · 20/07/2024 10:35

He's not well off but just put his life savings in to a flat of his own. His previous home is owned by his ex wife.

OP posts:
Original poster
Patsyanna · 20/07/2024 10:42

Have tried Tineye com but nothing came up

OP posts:
Original poster
Patsyanna · 20/07/2024 10:53

@SamSamW98 the only FB page I can find for her is a business page for the beauty place she works at. Don't know if she owns the business

OP posts:
Original poster
Patsyanna · 20/07/2024 10:54

That should be @SamW98 in last msg

OP posts:
Plumpribbon · 20/07/2024 11:11

He’s 42 years old not 16.
Leave him to live his own life, he clearly cannot see the red flags but he needs to learn by failing. I suspect you’ve rescued him most of his life and this is why he has no skills of his own to judge this situation.
What happens when you’re not around anymore? You need to let him learn and fail for himself

DreadPirateRobots · 20/07/2024 11:14

He's FORTY-TWO YEARS OLD.

He's an adult. He's been married. He runs his own life. You don't mention that he has any kind of learning disability.

For the love of God, stop hovering. It's his life.

BeaRF75 · 20/07/2024 11:20

DreadPirateRobots · 20/07/2024 11:14

He's FORTY-TWO YEARS OLD.

He's an adult. He's been married. He runs his own life. You don't mention that he has any kind of learning disability.

For the love of God, stop hovering. It's his life.

Absolutely this.

pikkumyy77 · 20/07/2024 11:23

Agreed. You can’t protect him this way.

outdamnedspots · 20/07/2024 12:17

He's 42! Isn't he old enough to look after himself?

Chatteringmagpie7 · 20/07/2024 12:31

DreadPirateRobots · 20/07/2024 11:14

He's FORTY-TWO YEARS OLD.

He's an adult. He's been married. He runs his own life. You don't mention that he has any kind of learning disability.

For the love of God, stop hovering. It's his life.

I get this. But also, it’s very difficult watching someone you love sleep walk into a situation like this.

id like to think my friends/family would say something if I ever looked like I was being scammed.

He’s 42, but loneliness/depression/lust can make people make really stupid decisions. Even if they’re otherwise sensible and capable.

im sure we all see that regularly in our extended social circle.