Will tell my BF I don’t want sex anymore

[bitesthedust]

Might be menopause, I’m 47
I just don’t feel like it ever and don’t miss

Once in a blue moon I might wake up feeling a bit … but I can quickly solve it on my own

We are not married, we don’t live together and we have no future plans as we love living in our own homes and being independent

We have been dating exclusivily and consistently for over a year now but that is it

Currently maybe we have sex 1x month

There is no stress, there are no issues but if he says this is a deal breaker, then we are not compatible I guess

If there was a strong life commitment I could possibly decide putting some more energy on my sexual life or trying to find a solution, but at the moment I just can’t be bothered with the faff and have so many better things I can occupy my mind and life with

Anyone feels the same? I guess it is normal for my age?

BTW, I’m not on HRT but I have mirena and my GP said it acts as HRT. I don’t think I have any menopausal symptoms (except from a few kgs weight gain).

I’m guessing he’s as unbothered about sex as you are, OP. And if so, that’s fine!

Once a month isn't much for him so unless he misses the company, he'd probably look elsewhere (Assuming he wants any action whatsoever)

Sex aside, mirena has progesterone but not oestrogen afaik so you might want to look at hrt

It's up to you if you never want sex again. That's your right.

It's up to him if he is happy with that or not...if not, then you're probably best parting ways.

About same age as you here and want sex all the time. Dp is 5 years younger and it’s generally 5-6 times a week.

I wouldn't say it's normal for your age, especially if you've previously had a higher drive? And whilst peri and menopause can impact this, yours is still a relatively new relationship - were you more into it at the start?

To be honest though, it doesn't sound like you care for your BF very much. Not because you should be having sex you don't want to please your man - absolutely noone should do that - but you just sound disconnected and a bit unbothered if he was to call it quits.

That said, if he's content with once a month, he might be happy with a sexless relationship too...

The mirena doesn't act as hrt as it doesn't contain Oestrogen.

Quite apart from any impact on your libido you should be comfortable with the risks to your health of not being on her.

Her?!?!
Hrt!!

Mirena isn't HRT! Maybe get a new GP.

I'm late 40s and have sex all the time but most of my friends are like you.

If you and he are happy then what does it matter? Some honest communication is probably a good idea though.

I'm about your age and love sex, as do the only female friends I am close enough to discuss it with! But I am aware that it's different for everyone - don't think there is a "norm".

Hormonal contraception such as you are on frequently destroys the libido tho.....

Up to you whether you are bothered about changing that or not. No compulsion to.

Would you miss other aspects of intimacy, such as kissing and cuddling, if your boyfriend decides to end the relationship? Worth considering that....

If you wouldn't really miss any aspect of being with him, then it's probably not a great relationship anyway.

I assume you don't feel attracted to anyone at the moment. Just wondering if there could be someone out there who would make you feel differently about sex? Only you can decide that tho.....

Not necessarily normal for your age but it's normal for you and that's fine. I think it would be good to be honest with him and let him decide what he wants. It may not be very important to him either.

He initiates but respects my wishes to not want it, never pressures
If this is being unbothered, it is fine with me but then I will tell him not to initiate anymore because rejecting is not nice and I dont even want to think about he might initiate and how should I gently reject again

Wow!

I like and admire him, I just came to a point where I’d be completely happy on my own and can’t see myself suffering or pinning for a man or relationship tbh

I know now that love is a journey, not the chemical reaction my body used to experience when meeting someone new and the fake persona of them I used to create in my head

So for sure, 1 year and a bit of just dating is not enough to love someone deeply, I don’t think

So if he goes, I will probably miss the company, text messages and emotional support for a bit, then get used to not have it and get on with my life

No, the 🔥is completely gone for anyone

Maybe it is time to come off mirena and do proper HRT then

Doubt I get pregnant at my age and my periods are getting really sparsed

If you have a complete lack of interest in sex, why did you start dating someone in the first place? If someone dated me for a year and then announced that they hate sex, I’d think he’d been wasting my time and simply using me to keep him company for a year, time I could have spent on dating people who actually wanted a proper adult relationship rather than a useful friend. (I’m 48, by the way.)

You sound like you don’t give a shit about your boyfriend, really. It’s fine that you don’t want to have sex, but it’s awful that you weren’t honest with him from the start.

1- relationships - or some relationships - are not all about sex
2 - things changed gradually
3- I never said I hate sex - my body chemistry changed I guess. I got mirena after meeting him

You sound so abrasive eeek

I guess all the people sleeping around are having proper adult relationships because they are having lots of sex?
What kind of logic is this 😵‍💫🤣

Abrasive as this reply is, I can't disagree that what you've said in your posts about this bloke & your situation comes across "que sera sera" at best.

If you do want to address it then you go on HRT but also request testosterone. I have patches and some T gel which has helped enormously but my menopause symptoms were horrendous, including my sex drive (but that was a side issue)

If you don't and you are happy being single (I truly was happy single and no sex for years) that is absolutely fine OP)

However no sex between a couple really does have to be a mutual agreement.

The mirena provides progesterone which protects the endometrium but does nothing for mood, vaginal dryness or sex drive, you need oestrogen for that.

You are not unreasonable not to want to have sex again and your boyfriend may be fine with that if you only have sex once a month already. Just be upfront with him and let him make his own decision.

Edit to say I am so sorry I quoted the whole OP! I really hate it when people do this and I didn't mean to, and can't remove it!

It can definitely provide progesterone which you need alongside oestrogen if you have a uterus but yeah it's not HRT

You can take oestrogen with the mirena in. Ç

This.

Could you book an appointment with a different GP? As far as I know you should absolutely be on HRT if you have a M coil.

Not wanting to have sex is a different issue - and obviously your choice.

That said, if he's content with once a month, he might be happy with a sexless relationship too...

I don't think this follows at all.