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Original poster

Will tell my BF I don’t want sex anymore

39 replies

bitesthedust · 18/07/2024 21:39

Might be menopause, I’m 47
I just don’t feel like it ever and don’t miss

Once in a blue moon I might wake up feeling a bit … but I can quickly solve it on my own

We are not married, we don’t live together and we have no future plans as we love living in our own homes and being independent

We have been dating exclusivily and consistently for over a year now but that is it

Currently maybe we have sex 1x month

There is no stress, there are no issues but if he says this is a deal breaker, then we are not compatible I guess

If there was a strong life commitment I could possibly decide putting some more energy on my sexual life or trying to find a solution, but at the moment I just can’t be bothered with the faff and have so many better things I can occupy my mind and life with

Anyone feels the same? I guess it is normal for my age?

BTW, I’m not on HRT but I have mirena and my GP said it acts as HRT. I don’t think I have any menopausal symptoms (except from a few kgs weight gain).

OP posts:
Pigeonqueen · 19/07/2024 06:34

If you want to go on full HRT you keep the mirena and just add the oestrogel via oestrogel- the mirena covers the progesterone part.

But - it may not bring back your libido. It does for some women, but not all. People don’t tend to like to admit it but a lot of women just completely go off sex permanently around the menopause, it’s a combination of feeling more tired, hormones, having felt like you’ve had enough sex to last a lifetime and can’t be bothered anymore etc etc. If you feel that way, it’s okay. It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. But you do need to be honest with your partner if they don’t feel the same.

Thedayb4youcame · 19/07/2024 07:40

PeriIsKickingMyButt · 19/07/2024 05:53

The mirena provides progesterone which protects the endometrium but does nothing for mood, vaginal dryness or sex drive, you need oestrogen for that.

You are not unreasonable not to want to have sex again and your boyfriend may be fine with that if you only have sex once a month already. Just be upfront with him and let him make his own decision.

Edit to say I am so sorry I quoted the whole OP! I really hate it when people do this and I didn't mean to, and can't remove it!

Edited
Show quote history

Dob't worry, it doesn't bother some of us.

Original poster
bitesthedust · 19/07/2024 08:20

Thedayb4youcame · 19/07/2024 01:06

Abrasive as this reply is, I can't disagree that what you've said in your posts about this bloke & your situation comes across "que sera sera" at best.

Show quote history

This feeling is true but it doesn’t mean I have used him and the relationship is or was a lie.
And how could I have wasted his time?
He is not looking for a wife, doesn’t want to have children, doesn’t want to share a home…I gave him a nice 1 year of companionship and memories, stress free, no drama. How is this wasting a over 50s man’s time??

OP posts:
Original poster
bitesthedust · 19/07/2024 08:22

jeaux90 · 19/07/2024 04:43

If you do want to address it then you go on HRT but also request testosterone. I have patches and some T gel which has helped enormously but my menopause symptoms were horrendous, including my sex drive (but that was a side issue)

If you don't and you are happy being single (I truly was happy single and no sex for years) that is absolutely fine OP)

However no sex between a couple really does have to be a mutual agreement.

Thank you
I will definitely start HRT
Although I don’t think I have many symptons, lack of energy is the one that bothers me a lot

OP posts:
alwaysmovingforwards · 19/07/2024 08:27

Comedycook · 18/07/2024 22:11

It's up to you if you never want sex again. That's your right.

It's up to him if he is happy with that or not...if not, then you're probably best parting ways.

Agreed.
There’s no such thing as right or wrong regarding sex in a relationship, just mutual compatibility (or not).

OP it’s absolutely you’re right to not want sex again. But if he’s also young only in his 40s I think you have to realistically accept the odds that he more than likely going to wish you all the best and take his leave.

Original poster
bitesthedust · 19/07/2024 08:30

Thank you so much for the supportive responses

My take away from this thread

1- get proper HRT
2- have a conversation with him - I’m really not sure what he thinks about the current frequency - he initiates often, takes the rejection well, never pressures, he is a good one tbh - the HRT will be for myself, if he wants to stick around and see what happens, then we shall see what happens

OP posts:
Musiclover234 · 19/07/2024 08:32

bitesthedust · 18/07/2024 23:19

Wow!

Show quote history

But on the other hand we are 45 together well over ten years and it’s about once a week for us! Everyone’s sex lives are different no matter what their ages. We are happy with this. Very loving touchy feely couple who get on well.

HowIrresponsible · 19/07/2024 08:34

Nope. I'm a couple of years younger and still very much wanting a sex life. My partner and I have it about twice a week and I don't feel that's enough.

Might not be meno. Maybe you're just unbothered.

Secondstart1001 · 19/07/2024 08:40

Musiclover234 · 19/07/2024 08:32

But on the other hand we are 45 together well over ten years and it’s about once a week for us! Everyone’s sex lives are different no matter what their ages. We are happy with this. Very loving touchy feely couple who get on well.

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Been together nearly 5 years now so no longer in the honeymoon phase. Even once a week is decent esp if you are both happy with it. Affection and companionship also have to be part of a healthy relationship and give it balance.

SheilaFentiman · 19/07/2024 08:45

bitesthedust · 19/07/2024 08:30

Thank you so much for the supportive responses

My take away from this thread

1- get proper HRT
2- have a conversation with him - I’m really not sure what he thinks about the current frequency - he initiates often, takes the rejection well, never pressures, he is a good one tbh - the HRT will be for myself, if he wants to stick around and see what happens, then we shall see what happens

That sounds like a really good approach

zeibesaffron · 19/07/2024 08:48

Keep the mirena coil and you will only need the oestrogen hrt - I use the gel. Its been a game changer for me - still not there yet but feel so much better!

Lookingoutside · 19/07/2024 09:17

PeriIsKickingMyButt · 19/07/2024 05:55

It can definitely provide progesterone which you need alongside oestrogen if you have a uterus but yeah it's not HRT

Show quote history

Yeah. It's not.

BarraNayk · 19/07/2024 09:40

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

dylexicdementor11 · 19/07/2024 14:26

It is of course up to you to decide if you want to have sex or not. But, in my opinion it’s not okay for you (or any other adult) to decide that their partner is not allowed to have sex a sex life.

So this means that your partner should be free to have sex outside of your relationship, if you don’t want to have sex with him but you still want to be in a relationship with him. He might not want to but it would not be fair or ethical to decide that he cannot have a sex life involving humans (i.e., in addition to self- sex)

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