Husband spends holiday with people we don’t know

[Rosie1978]

Just looking some advice as to what I should do in this situation. Heading away tomorrow for a hotel break with my 3 kids aged 6, 9 & 13. Really looking forward to it as iv had a stressful couple of months.

However, when we go away, in the evenings we normally have an evening meal & just hang around the hotel lobby/bar etc. Il maybe consume a couple of alcoholic drinks, im
not a big drinker. My husband however will have quite a few & end up merry at the least! Thing is he always finds some random people to spend the evening with, always calling me over, expecting me to spend my evening with these random people whom we will never see again/mean nothing to us. I would rather just chill than make small talk with people I don’t know!

How should I handle this? Am right to not want to hang out with random people?

I don't think either of you are wrong, just different. I would be more like you than your DH and I think I would excuse myself (fake a headache) and go and run myself a bath or read a book or something I did want to do. If he wants to stay up making beer mates and it doesn't hurt anyone then let him but you don't have to conform to his wishes as you say its your holiday too.

Uff sorry OP, that sounds like my idea of a really unenjoyable time. Is he aware that you're not really into socialising with strangers and you want time alone with him? Does he just continue regardless?

Instead of waiting for it to happen again, why don't you talk to him about it before you go away? I am with you, I would hate this. Is you DH able to function fully with the family the next day?

Have a chat about it before you go, and work out a compromise - whether that is you doing separate things as the evening gets later, or a 'take turns' thing.
Neither of you is wrong, and I can see his point that it is nice to meet new people and, presumably you can spend the other 51/ 50 weeks a year 'just your little family'.

That would be my idea of the holiday from hell. I can spend my entire holiday not saying a word to anyone apart from my travelling companion and hotel/restaurant/bar staff. I can’t think of anything I want less than holiday besties

You need to talk to him before you go otherwise you’ll just have more evenings all on his terms making you miserable and holidays are supposed to be about enjoyable.

I'm not sure what the answer is OP it must be very frustrating and lonely for you. I can only suggest doing as pp says and doing your own thing when he disappears.

We do this on holiday...more DH than me to be fair. If he wasn't there I probably would be reading a book while he's always on the look out for a chat. I don't mind and just let him get on with it.

His dad is the same and his mum is more like me. We were away with them a couple of weeks ago and his dad was chatting away to everyone.

Those little random interactions can make a holiday more interesting and DH loves them.

So my strategy is to, when I've had enough, I'll just say I'm going for a walk, or off to bed or whatever. If he's had enough too he'll come with me, if he hasn't he'll stay. If I want him to come with me I'll just lie and say something like 'have you forgotten we've got to call home?' if it's all too dull.

But it is rarely a full on booze fest....more a chat over pre or post dinner drinks.

I think talking and coming to some kind of compromise is best and maybe doing something different a couple of evenings, like going for a walk, a drink outside the hotel or an ice cream or something that you want to do.

I sound like you. Previous partners sound like him. No one is wrong. But set expectations and rules. Like every other night is just you two.

My ex used to do this. Me and tgg he r kids just weren't enough company for him and he would wander off to meet new people all the time. I hated it and it made me feel worthless. I Should have taken the hint when at our wedding he spent the whole day socialising with everyone but me.

Ah… holiday friends

yep I’m not up for that either but sounds like your dh is big into it! Let him crack on maybe but agree some nights just the two of you?

Do people not make friends on holiday?

I think the problem is her husband goes off and leaves the OP who doesn't want to join him.

Nope. My holiday is about me relaxing with my friends not making small talk with Dave and Doris from Leeds

My parents come back from every holiday with new best friends 😃 The difference is they both love it. Me and DH are the opposite, both hate interactions with anyone that isn’t each other 😂

Kind of sounds like your holiday likes aren’t compatible? I would just have a chat and say you’d rather not hang out with randoms. He can knock himself out.

Cos he's bored of the mundane family life and would rather talk to literally anyone else.

I am very grateful that my DH is just like me and would not want to make holiday friends with anyone in a million years. We don't even want to talk to each other that much. If we go to the bar after dinner, we mainly read our books in companionable silence or take a glass of wine back to our room.

@SamW98 "My holiday is about me relaxing with my friends not making small talk with Dave and Doris from Leeds"

Would you feel differently about Fen (short for Fenella) and Hugo from Knightsbridge?

My DH does this too OP. He's one of those people who everyone just warms to. Me, not so much.

I have countless FB friends we've met on holiday! Some of them have been lovely to be fair but he'll literally talk to anyone so they aren't always people I'd naturally be friendly with.

No real advice as such - I either roll with it or bugger off if I'm not in the mood.

Some people think the whole point of a holiday is to make "new friends". It baffles me, because I don't want to speak to a soul on holiday (apart from saying please and thank you to waiters!).
Unfortunately, the OP and her husband are at the two extremes on this. Can you just accept your differences and agree some sort of compromise?

We are friends with a couple where he's delighted that she goes off and chats to people (or bothers them as he styles it) while he's allowed to have a drink in peace standing at the bar.

I've been on holiday with her and she absolutely can't finish at holiday without making a dozen new 'friends' - she's been invited to the weddings of these people and the like. It's phenomenal to watch in action.

There’s a lot to be said for a villa holiday!!! Our family holidays are just for us, I barely have the energy to speak to my own family let alone having to converse with others 😂

When dh and I have gone for an all inclusive without the kids we have spent a few hours around the pool bar chatting to people but that’s as far as it goes. We go out during the day most days for a few hours on an excursion and then out elsewhere for dinner in the evenings and will sometimes come back for a late night drink and maybe chat again to people but we’ve never made ‘holiday friends’ and I just couldn’t be bothered to!

my mum and stepdad come home with new holiday friends every time - sometimes they’ve even arranged to meet them on the same holiday the following year! Suits them, wouldn’t suit me.
happy to talk to people if the situation naturally arises but quite happy if we’re around the pool to enjoy my book or swim.

"I would rather just chill than make small talk with people I don’t know!"

What was your husband's response when you told him this?

This is my husband. I let him crack on. I have no interest in talking to strangers people in general so let him crack on. He's a joiner inner. I've always said I could never go on a cruise as I'd be cooped up on a boat with all his new mates.

Whats he like normally. Is this just a holiday thing or does he go pub often/sit talking to randoms at home?

It's not really about snobbery, it's more likely that some people need to switch off from being "on" all the time.

From my perspective I don't want to make friends with anyone on holiday regardless of how you deem their social status. I spend the whole of my work life constantly communicating in a Global company in several languages. For my holiday I need a bit of silence and tranquility to finally get into my trashy novels I've been stockpiling.