Husband spends holiday with people we don’t know

[Rosie1978]

Just looking some advice as to what I should do in this situation. Heading away tomorrow for a hotel break with my 3 kids aged 6, 9 & 13. Really looking forward to it as iv had a stressful couple of months.

However, when we go away, in the evenings we normally have an evening meal & just hang around the hotel lobby/bar etc. Il maybe consume a couple of alcoholic drinks, im
not a big drinker. My husband however will have quite a few & end up merry at the least! Thing is he always finds some random people to spend the evening with, always calling me over, expecting me to spend my evening with these random people whom we will never see again/mean nothing to us. I would rather just chill than make small talk with people I don’t know!

How should I handle this? Am right to not want to hang out with random people?

No I keep myself to myself

Neither of you are wrong, it’s just different people prefer different things. Some people would rather have a drink/socialise as part of a bigger group, others like yourself prefer just you and your partner and some peace.

As an example, I got off the bus at 1705, bumped into H who was talking to someone we very vaguely know. I can see him out of the window and he is STILL talking. I feel sorry for who he's talking at!

You need to talk to him before you go otherwise you’ll just have more evenings all on his terms making you miserable and holidays are supposed to be about enjoyable.

Well yes, holidays are supposed to be enjoyable for the dh too.
Mingling and chatting to people makes his holiday enjoyable for him, which is equally important as the OP enjoying it. Which is why they need to compromise, not do it all the OP's way and stop the dh enjoying his holiday.

It really is normal amongst the population as a whole, to socialise with your guests on your wedding day.
I realise MN attracts an out of proportion number of people who don't like people, but as a general rule, most people invite their nearest and dearest to their wedding day and want to spend time with them. If you didn't, then might as well just have a quick ceremony then go off somewhere on your own.

As a pp said, tell/ask him in advance not to do that. Who looks after the kids while he’s off socialising with randoms? Where are they when you’re both in the bar? I’d be furious if he dumped me to bugger off with others while we were meant to be on holiday together.

Who looks after the kids while he’s off socialising with randoms?

They aren't babies. I imagine they will either be playing cards, or having a dance, or chatting with other families they have met there.

Where are they when you’re both in the bar?

Presumably with them both. Why would you think they would be anywhere else ?

I’d be furious if he dumped me to bugger off with others while we were meant to be on holiday together.

He hasn't 'dumped' anybody. He is chatting with people around him, as many, many people like to do.

My dh is like this. He just loves company and conversation and will talk to everyone around him.. strangers in lifts, people in a taxi queue.. I do get irritated by it but that's who he is and I will never change him.

Ooh tricky one. The problem with chatting to strangers on holiday is that some people don't know where to draw the line and fall into believing that you want to spend every single day with them and share all meals/ activities etc. I've learnt the hard way and keep to myself nowadays. It's sad really because I genuinely do like indulging in a little small talk and chatter, but experience has taught me that most people don't have any boundaries and mistake your initial friendliness as the green light for becoming ' holiday besties '!

It just sound like you are quite different and he is more sociable in that way. Hopefully you can find some sort of compromise, or perhaps if it gets a bit much for you just excuse yourself and have some quiet time with the kids.

No. I am not unfriendly to people and will speak as and when needed, but I don't go out of my way to socialise and meet others. I'm quite a solitary person.

I am very happy in my own company.

I do like pople but prefer downtime with my own family's company generally but then again I spend all day every day around people in work, both colleagues, kids and their parents, and the phone rings all the time. So when I go on holiday I want to spend all of that precious time with my own people, of MY choosing. Which is my family, who I barely see during the week. I wouldn't turn a drink or chat down with ssomeone who invited us over on holiday, but neither would we seek out company or invite someone over to our table either. I prefer more natural interactions on holiday eg a short random chat while in a lift, or standing in line for rental car hire, waiting for a bus or entry to something, commenting to a parent whose child just did an impressive move or dive in the swimming pool or etc and who's obviously proud etc. I don't understand people who sit there desperately looking around for someone else to talk to if you're away with someone whose company you're supposed to enjoy.

However I can see that if you work from home all day not talking to anyone, or are a tradesman working alone, then maybe when you have downtime you might actually want to do the opposite and seek out some conversation.

I have quite a few FB friends whose holidays always seem to be group ones. Sometimes in quite a large group especially for something like skiing where they get a chalet together and all eat together at night. They rarely seem to be away just as a family of 4, ever.

Horses for courses, obviously, but I do sometimes secretly wonder if they still actually like each other as a couple. 😆

So your kids get to sit around a bar in the evening while he drinks and entertains himself?

Oh god I would hate that too so would leave him to get on with it and go and read a book or watch somTV or go for a walk. I don't mind chatting to new people but don't like drinking loads of alcohol so in my experience most people get louder and more obnoxious when indulging too much which does my head in.

I don't mind if my DH does it although luckily he is like me and likes strangers on holiday in small doses. If yours is a social butterfly then let him crack on. I wouldn't force him to stay with you if he didn't want to. You aren't joined at the hip although you could tell him you want an evening alone with him and suggest something.

I don't think it's a case of he's wrong and you're right, or the other way around.

Personally I find this an attractive trait in general and would get involved, but we're all different. I've dated people who were social butterflies and people who would barely even speak to the waiter - I prefer the former.

There needs to be a compromise IMO - you can't reasonably tell him he isn't ever allowed to make 'friends' but he shouldn't be doing it every/most nights if you can't be arsed with it

Making holiday friends turns my insides to ice.

We go on holiday together to spend time together. Not with randoms.

That’s a shitty response. Some folks just like meeting new people, chatting to them.

I do this sometimes, I also have a close friend who does it. Neither of us are bored of family life and would literally prefer to talk to someone else.

i can’t understand why you’d read the ops post and decide to give her a virtual kicking.

What are the children doing whilst he's getting merry with randoms?

You're not leaving them alone are you?

We have made good lasting friendships we have met on holiday.

Fine, lots of people don’t like socialising in a wider group on a holiday , which is fine, but it’s quite dismissive for so many pp here to refer to other people as randoms and the conversation as small talk. They are other friendly people with at least the choice of place and accommodation in common.

Can you engage him in some quality time activities with the children? What are they doing while you have a couple of drinks in the lobby bar? Maybe all go to a small more intimate or family orientated cafe for dessert with the kids? Or an evening entertainment or attraction?

Tell him how you feel in advance and discuss compromise? Engage him and your kids in table tennis (or other available options) with other families?

My DH does it and so did my parents when I was a child.
All my childhood holiday snaps consist of groups of random smiley people.
DH will talk to anyone on holiday, trouble is he tends to go a bit too far and overstay his welcome and I have to go and save them from him.

But perhaps they don't want saving - who knows? I don't get it at all.

Sounds awful OP, I am happy to have a bit of a chat with people on holiday but not too much.
As for DH, he loves to "chat" to people but when he does his fact bombardment on Greek Economics or Electric vehicle batteries or Keto we don't usually see the same people twice.

@Whatineed "It's not really about snobbery"

Oh, for some people on here it definitely is. You can tell by the language "Dave and Doris from Leeds" "randoms""mundanes"
"my little family" "small talk".....

It's only on Mumsnet that "keeping yourself to yourself" and not liking other people is somehow seen as "superior" to wanting to socialise and enjoying the company of other people. It's very odd!

Seeing as you’re picking up much of my words to see snobbery that’s not there I’ll tell you categorically there’s zero snobbery or superiority from me so please don’t make incorrect assumptions.

Im very social and have a wise friendship group but my holidays are about ME and the people I’m with. The fact I choose not to randomly chat to other people doesn’t mean I’m a snob or feel superior, it’s my way of doing holidays.

Being different to you doesn’t have to have an anterior motive

God no. I can manage a 'good morning' at the breakfast buffet .... anything else and I shut it down politely.